


so full of love (i could barely eat)

by planetsuh



Series: work song [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: And so here I am, College Student Baekhyun, Dad sehun, F/M, Growing Up Too Fast, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mom Irene, Poverty, Slow Burn, Teen Pregnancy, You'll see what I mean, basically i love sehun and i also love sehun with baby, brief mention of heterosexual relationships, however baekhyun cannot carry children, it gets MUCH worse before it gets better, like...so much angst, mature themes, nothing trigger worthy, slight age gap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:07:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 53,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22236838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/planetsuh/pseuds/planetsuh
Summary: Oh Sehun, at seventeen, is about to become the shittiest teenage father on the face of the planet, all while fighting to graduate high school and keep his family above the poverty line.Byun Baekhyun, at twenty-one, is not a father, an almost-high-school-dropout, or teetering on the edge of poorer than poor, but he's still the realest person Sehun's ever known.
Relationships: (brief) Bae Joohyun | Irene/Oh Sehun, Byun Baekhyun/Oh Sehun
Series: work song [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1724200
Comments: 47
Kudos: 100





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> this idea sort of popped into my head so...enjoy my random creation i guess!
> 
> (story title from "work song" by hozier)

chapter one.

It happened at a party.

Sehun hadn't gone to many before, but his best friend Jongin had wanted to convince the grouch to get a little wild for a change, to stir the pot, to make some noise instead of hiding away in the shadows.

A big mistake.

Sehun sets his eyes on the prettiest girl in the room—the prettiest girl _ever_ , as far as Sehun’s concerned—and puts a target on her back, shooting his shot and pleasantly surprising himself by the outcome. Talking to Irene, the girl he’s been crushing on for the better part of two years, for fifteen minutes leads the two to a hazy thirty minutes of tipsy sex that can only be described as mediocre at best. Sehun’s entirely too un-sober to be present and Irene seems to be half-assing it herself. 

Ordinarily, such a hookup would lead Sehun and Irene to parting ways and pretending they never hooked up in the first place, content with going back to being acquaintances through friends of friends…of friends. This is what Sehun does, though it pains his sophomore self’s heart to do so, and it’s what Irene does too.

For two months at least.

Sehun finds himself skipping math (just another Tuesday) to smoke underneath the soccer field’s rusted bleachers. He cringes at being such a cliche, sucking on a cancer stick like it’s a lollipop and doing so at school…under the bleachers…like he’s some kind of social outcast with a thirst for trouble. In reality, Sehun can’t be assed to go to math if it’s the last thing he does, not when he knows Jongin will take good and thorough notes for him, sending them his way during the lunch period to catch him up on whatever the hell their mumbling, bumbling teacher was on about during the actual class. 

This is where Irene finds him, as she’s wrapped up in a hoodie far too big for her scarily slim frame, arms crossed protectively over her stomach, and that gesture alone has Sehun’s mind going to one place and one place only.

Sehun and Irene haven’t interacted since the party, per the unspoken agreement they created after less-than-stellar bathroom sex in a house party that was broken up by cops because a nosy neighbor called the cops after witnessing a drunken elephant of a teenage boy pissing in the rose garden an elderly neighbor keeps up to pass the time after the loss of her husband. 

Now here she is, standing in front of Sehun with her bottom lip pulled between her teeth, hoodie falling over her knees, though Sehun can still see her thin legs shaking beneath that, despite the warm and sunny weather.

“Sehun,” Irene starts, and he knows what she’s going to say next, “I’m pregnant.”

-

It takes awhile for them—and by them, it’s really meant to be Irene—to decide on whether to get an abortion or not. She waits an extremely long time to finally come up with a decision, and Sehun knows it’s because she doesn't really want to get one, subconsciously prolonging the decision until she’s past the point of not return, where an abortion would only be granted if her life was in danger because of the pregnancy. Sehun tells her this, and when she cries, Sehun tells her he doesn't want her to get an abortion, though the true meaning behind that is that he can’t afford one. Irene absolutely _cannot_ ask her parents for abortion money, and Sehun’s family is notoriously poor, so Irene passes the abortion threshold without anymore conversation, withholding her relived sighs, at least when Sehun’s around.

Throughout this ever-so-grueling decision making process, Sehun and Irene keep it a secret from everyone. Sehun even keeps it from Jongin, an act that almost physically pains him, especially when Jongin makes an offhanded comment when Irene books it to the bathroom to vomit again, the third time in one lunch period.

When it’s finally time to tell the parents, Irene’s kick her out instantaneously. Irene’s parents are Bible-thumping evangelicals who would go door-to-door preaching if it was socially acceptable, but their fellow elitist neighbors would laugh them off behind their backs, and they can’t take that kind of hit to their public reputation.

That very same reputation is what causes them to spring into a fit when Irene break the news to them. Her mother nearly faints right then and there while her father turns a shade of purple so alarming Sehun deliberates calling for an ambulance. The subsequent shouting match that follows is something that strains Sehun’s ears, but one look at Irene’s petrified face causes him to stay in place, respectively silent and standing behind Irene as a reinforcement. Ultimately, his only job becomes carrying all of her bags down to the bus stop after her mother gives her twenty minutes to pack up her clothes are personal belongings.

They arrive at Sehun’s house just in time for his mother to come home from work, dressed in scrubs slathered in unidentified liquids that Sehun would prefer to not know about at all. She takes one look at Sehun and the wardrobe he’s carrying on his arms, eyes shifting to the blubbering teenage girl next to him, and the only thing she can think to say is, “you need another job” before she opens the front door and let’s the pair inside, watching with guarded eyes as Sehun sets Irene up in his bedroom.

-

Now when it’s said that Sehun’s family is poor, it must be known that what is meant is Sehun’s family skips along the poverty line, and has ever since Sehun was a child. His father fell on some bad times—lost a leg and the job that caused the first thing—and ever since their family hasn't been the same. 

Jongin’s mother offers to buy Sehun new jeans and shoes at the start of every school year because she and everyone else knows that Sehun’s mother can’t afford to do that, and Sehun’s growth spurts were nothing short of legendary back in middle school. It’s now become a tradition for Jongin’s mother to gift Sehun with two new pairs of jeans and a nice pair of off-brand sneakers at the end of every summer, which is the only reason Sehun has any clothes that fit him anymore. He towers over the rest of his family, so hand-me-downs are useless.

It’s also tradition for Jongin to bring a second packed lunch to school with him everyday to give to Sehun discretely during the lunch period. It’s the only guaranteed meal Sehun eats everyday, though he gives it to Irene now, knowing she needs it more than him. As soon as Jongin’s mother becomes aware of Sehun’s most recent situation, two lunches becomes three, and Sehun is back to eating at least one nutritious meal a day.

Sehun listens to his mom’s advice—as carelessly and nonchalantly given as it was—and gets a second job at a nicer restaurant a little bit farther into town than Sehun is used to, past the school, which as far as Sehun’s usually willing to travel in this small town. He’s hired as a dishwasher, to purely work night shifts, as the convenience store he already works at refuses to schedule him past a certain time, citing this and that law that the restaurant manager overlooks when he sees the desperation in Sehun’s eyes.

Unlike the convenience store, where Sehun manages to avoid anyone from school, a place not farther than a block from his house and therefore on the wrong side of town for many of his peers, the restaurant is just far enough into town for Sehun to recognize some fellow classmates and their families as they eat a late dinner when Sehun shows up for his shift around an hour before closing. He stays in the back, trying his best to hide his tall stature behind the short wall separating the kitchens from the main floor, and Sehun knows some of his classmates recognize him, but are too afraid or something like that to approach Sehun to directly asks if it’s him. Sehun’s fine with that, it’s how most people in this town treat him and his family anyhow.

Adding a second job that takes up his entire night has poorly affected Sehun’s grades, unfortunately. Sehun didn’t have much going for him in terms of scholarly achievements in the first place, but blocking off anytime of the night that he would've spent doing homework to wash dishes instead causes him to completely tank. 

Sehun’s school guidance counselor tries her best, scheduling more than what’s usually standard meetings with Sehun, trying to get a parent or guardian (i.e. Sehun’s older brother) but to no avail. Sehun has explained his situation in and out more times than he can count to his counselor as well as the administrators that choose to sit in on any given one of the meetings, but he continues to slip with little to no help from anyone in the school’s administration. Sehun suspects his counselor merely puts on her records that she’s met with Sehun, complete ignoring that she’s done next to nothing to actually help him with his glaring problem. Sehun’s failing three required courses for graduation, one of those being a class he’s retaking from a failed junior year attempt, and no one seems to want to do anything about it—not the teachers, not the counselor or administrators, and not Sehun himself, who has bigger fish to fry.

Oftentimes, Sehun will wake up in the morning and find that his mother, father and brother have all left for work already, leaving him alone with his two year old sister, Nari. With no money to afford daycare, and Nari not being old enough for pre-school yet, Sehun finds himself needing to stay home from school to watch his younger sister on the days that every adult has left with a note on the fridge apologizing for getting their schedules crossed. Sehun understand that none of them are really sorry, though what he doesn't understand is how they expect Sehun to be able to get a decent job after high school if he's stuck missing school four days out of the week to watch his kid sister. At the rate he's going, his diploma is out of reach, and still none of the adults in their house try and accommodate Sehun’s school schedule.

With Irene in the picture, things are becoming more and more hectic. Her presence is constant, and Sehun knows he has no one to blame but himself for that, but her insistence on being there and helping at every turn has Sehun wanting to explode.

He’s found that his one reprieve from the constant state of chaos that is his life are the hours that he spends dishwashing, when the restaurant is closed and there’s no one else but him in the entire building. The sounds of running water and cheap plastic dishes that need to be hand-washed lightly clinking together calming Sehun down from a day that otherwise would have had him close to tears.

It’s there that he meets Baekhyun, a waiter and a college student with a warm smile that melts through blocks of ice, including the one surrounding Sehun’s heart.


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a short little chapter to get things moving!

chapter two.

Sehun wakes up to his alarm blaring loudly in his ear, his phone sitting on his pillow next to his head. When he reaches to rub his eyes and sits up, the alarm gets quieter, barely becoming a disturbance to the other two in the room with him. Sehun turns off the alarm and stretches out, limbs cracking as he works through the stiffness. Looking up, Sehun sees Irene and Nari curled up together on his twin sized bed, Sehun taking to sleeping on three blankets in lieu of a mattress on the floor next to them. 

Since Irene had moved into the house, Sehun had immediately given up his bed, and since he shared a room with Nari anyway, it quickly becomes practice for Irene and Nari to share the bed and for Sehun to find another place to sleep, his room now at capacity. 

Typically, Sehun sleeps on the couch in the living room. It’s old and smells faintly of cigarette smoke and spilled alcohol and it’s lumpy but it gives Sehun a certain old comfort, like a familiar feeling from his past, his carefree childhood coming back in the form of a disgusting couch that probably has bed bugs.

However, there are days—they used to be sparing, but increase as time goes on—where Sehun’s dad will collapse on the couch after a long shift at work, unable to make it to his bedroom and falling onto the first available surface comfortable enough for a nap before he gets up for his next shift. When this happens, Sehun has to resort to making a shitty mattress out of blankets he finds throughout the house, including the one he steals off his father’s back, too deep in sleep to notice any sudden change. These are the nights where Sehun sleeps the worst. 

Irene has a habit of snoring, not that Sehun can say anything to her about it. The habit most likely stems from her pregnancy, something that is most definitely Sehun’s fault, and therefore not something he can hold against her. Irene’s snoring combined with Nari’s tendencies to whine through her odd dreams guarantees Sehun a night of restless sleep.

Gathering the blankets into the corner of his room and stumbling out into the house, Sehun makes his way to the “kitchen”, which is really just the part of the main room of the house that has a long table, fridge and sink, an empty hole in the wall where the dishwasher once was, but has since been removed due to its costly effect on the water bill every month. 

“Shit,” Sehun mutters when he spots the familiar sight of three bright yellow sticky notes attached to the door of the fridge. As he approaches to read them, he already knows what they’re going to say, and he isn't sure if he should be proud of himself for getting it nearly word for word in his brain.

_Have work until 5. See you at dinner. —Jinwoo_

_No milk left —Dad_

_I couldn't get off work today, so I have a shift until 9. Sorry for the inconvenience. —Mom_

Sighing, Sehun rips the notes off the fridge, dumping them in the trash and walking back to his room. Irene is sitting up and blinking slowly, taking in her surroundings with a confused look on her face. She’s petting Nari’s hair, as the younger is whimpering again, eyebrows scrunched together on her face, a clear sign of distress, but Irene’s ministrations seem to help soothe her. 

“Morning,” Sehun whispers, walking further into the room. “Everyone’s gone, I just checked.”  


Irene slumps forward, her belly becoming more prominent. Sehun swallows down the spike of panic that rises up his throat at the sight, reminding him of all the responsibility he’s going to have in a few short months. 

“I can stay here,” Irene whispers back, soft voice barely carrying over to Sehun’s ears. “You shouldn't have to stay home every time this happens. Jongin told me your teacher made a comment about all the school you miss.”

Sehun shakes his head. “It’s more important that you’re there. I won’t be missed so I’ll just stay here. I just need you to get home as soon as school finishes though ‘cause I have a shift at the convenience store at three.”

Irene’s an honors student, most of her classes accounting for some sort of college credit. Sehun, on the other hand, is stuck in regular classes, if he isn’t already in intensive level classes designed to catch up the students not intelligent enough for standard level courses yet. Irene’s presence at school is vital for her performance in those higher level courses, necessary for her to graduate with an honors certificate and a guaranteed in to any prestigious college of her choice. Sehun’s presence at school only serves to further confuse him in classes he’s fallen so far behind in that he isn’t even sure where to start to catch up. Irene has promised time and time again to try her best to get notes for Sehun from his teachers on days that he misses, but his teachers have long since given up on indulging her, due to Sehun’s frequent absences and low test scores.

Irene winces and Sehun understands, knowing how tight of a window that is for Irene to get home in time for Sehun to leave. “Okay,” she mumbles, sleep still heavy in her voice. “I’m gonna go get ready then. See you later.”

As Irene gathers her things to take a shower, Sehun slides into his bed, curling his body around Nari’s, eyes shutting and body slipping into slumber as the faint sound of the shower turning on fills the tiny house.

-

Nari wakes up two hours later, already with high energy and enough enthusiasm to give Sehun the energy boost he needs to get his mind organized for a day filled with caring for a two year old girl with endless amounts of stamina.

Breakfast is difficult—his father used up the last of the milk, and there isn’t much for Sehun to make for Nari that doesn't require milk that she won’t immediately hate. He settles for a cut up slice of toast that he drowns in syrup he finds at the back of a cabinet, not entirely sure if it’s still good for consumption but too focused on getting some food in Nari that she’ll actually enjoy to care. Sehun himself resigns himself to a mug of crappy instant coffee, using the last slice of bread for Nari’s breakfast and knowing the only other food in the house is his brother’s instant ramen that he’ll murder to keep to himself. Sehun’s learned that lesson already. 

Nari spends the rest of the morning and beginning of the afternoon watching the cartoons that Sehun turns on for her, despite the fact that Nari has an abundance of toys thrown in a bin in Sehun’s closet that would be much more productive for her brain development or whatever, but to be completely honest, Sehun knows he has a long day of work after this long day of looking after a toddler, and he’d rather let her sit passively on the couch in front of a shitty television watching cartoons that do nothing for her rather than running all over the place and burning out the very little energy Sehun has.

By the time Irene gets back from school, Sehun’s dressed for his shift at the convenience store—a dirty white tee shirt with the store’s logo printed in the corner and a pair of jeans that aren’t ripped or torn—and Nari is too engrossed in coloring the picture Sehun drew of a unicorn to notice the switch. As soon as Irene sits down on the couch, Sehun’s getting up, slipping on his shoes and grabbing his wallet, keys and backpack, quite literally running out the door to make it to the store in time for his shift to start.

He punches in in the knick of time, slumping onto the stool the manager kindly leaves parked behind the checkout counter.

About an hour into his shift, Jongin walks into the store, still wearing his workout clothes from soccer practice, grin nearly splitting his face in half as he spots Sehun folded over the counter and staring into the distance. 

“Tired?” Jongin asks, a teasing yet knowing smile on his face.

Sehun nods, sitting up from his slumped position. “I slept on the floor again. Irene snored all night.”

“Such is the punishment for the crime of knocking up the prettiest girl within a fifty mile radius,” Jongin sighs, coming to sit behind the counter on a second stool Sehun dragged from the back room in case Jongin decided to show up during his shift.

“Whatever,” Sehun grumbles, dodging Jongin’s hand as it comes down to slap him on the back.

Jongin settles onto his stool, setting his backpack down on the counter and heaving a deep sigh. “Math was hard as shit today,” Jongin says, side-eyeing Sehun as he does. “Why’d you miss today?”

“The usual,” Sehun replies. “Everyone was gone when I woke up, and if Irene and I start taking turns over who misses school then both of us will flunk out. Our kid deserves at least one parent with a high school diploma.”

Jongin nods, thankfully keeping his true thoughts to himself, because Sehun knows he has more to say then “I get that” but he doesn't say it. 

Twenty minutes later finds Jongin doing math homework and Sehun attempting to follow along, but getting continuously interrupted by customers. 

“This shit doesn't make any sense,” Sehun moans when a customer leaves, leaving the store empty besides he and Jongin, “even if I had gone to class today, it still wouldn't have made sense.”

“Why do you think I’m trying to find the answers right now?” Jongin says, typing furiously at his phone and scrolling through links trying to find solutions with the work attached to the complicated problems in their math textbook. “Honestly, he never explains shit well enough. I have enough on my plate as it is with soccer practice without having to worry about the bullshit class that I don't even like.”  


Sehun claps reaching up to rub at his eyes afterwards. “Preach.”

His shift ends with little else happening, and Sehun watches as Jongin shoves all his supplied back into his backpack, tucking his textbook under his arm. Sehun punches out and walks around to the other side of the counter as the employee taking over the counter walks inside. Sehun and Jongin leave the convenience store and begin walking, already subconsciously forging their path to the bus stop. 

“Do you wanna hang out?” Jongin asks. “You could come over and finally try all the new video games that have come out since this year started!”

Sehun sighs, hating his second job already. “I can’t. Gotta go wash dishes for three hours.”

“Man, why the hell did you even _take_ that job?” Jongin complains, but it’s only half-heartedly. He knows the real reason. “They gave you shitty hours that I’m pretty sure are _illegal_ , just so we’re clear.”

“Yeah, and they pay me a shit ton for it, so back off.” Sehun grumbles.

Jongin relents, putting his hands up and taking a step back. “Alright, alright. I’ll see you tomorrow at school, right?”

“Hopefully,” Sehun says, then he’s off, finishing the walk towards the bus stop and sitting alone on the bench until it arrives.

Sehun gets to the restaurant an hour before it closes, slinking in through the back and signing in manually on the yellow notepad the manager leaves for Sehun to sign specifically, unable to punch in and leave an electronic footprint of him being there and working beyond the legal time period for minors.

The restaurant is already practically empty, as it’s close to ten o’clock at night, and anyone still there is making everyone’s lives as difficult as possible. Since it’s so close to closing, the dishwashers that work the normal hours have begun to slack off, since it’s not as prevalent that they keep a constant stream of clean dishes running throughout the restaurant. During rush hour, their jobs are the hardest, but Sehun’s job becomes difficult when the post-evening rush dishwashers refuse to do their job because of the lack of demand for clean dishes.

Sehun gets prepared, firstly draining the giant sink of the cold, dirty water leftover from the previous shift of dishwashers, plugging it back up and refilling it, this time with warm water that he pours an abundance of soap into, creating a makeshift bubble bath of sorts. From there, he walks to the first of the three large metal basins attached to the wall, filled and teetering with dirty dishes. Just as the last of the waiters and waitresses scheduled for closing are punching out and locking up behind them, Sehun is just now getting started, one by one taking dishes out of the first basin and walking them to the second, removing the nozzle from the wall and stretching it out, flicking the switch that turns on the water and running it all over the dish until the first layer of grime washes itself off, leaving a few harsh stains and some stubbornly crusted food. From there, he takes the dish to the third basin filled with the warm, soapy water and thoroughly washes it, placing the dish on one of the many drying racks once he’s done.

It’s a long, methodical process, one that takes Sehun close to four hours to finish, despite the fact that he’s only being paid for three. The manage had made it clear that, no matter how much Sehun goes over the three hours he schedules him for, there will be no overtime payment. But the manager has bumped Sehun’s salary up so much to keep him from telling the authorities about his illegal work schedule that he can’t find it in himself to complain.

Sehun places the last dish—a giant plate for appetizers or something like that—on the drying rack, draining the sink and using the detachable nozzle to rinse off the three basins, getting rid of any final layers of filth still stuck to them. Once he's finished, he dries his hands, cringing at how pruned his fingertips have become. He signs out with the yellow notepad, grabs his stuff and leaves, the door automatically locking behind him. 

The buses stop running through this part of town hours before Sehun’s able to clock out. So from here, Sehun walks.

-

When Sehun finally makes it home, it’s three in the morning. Trudging through the front door, he gently closes it behind him, as the last thing he needs to do is wake someone up from slamming the door shut on his way in. He moves to the fridge, praying for a miracle and sighing with relief when he sees a plate of leftover pasta from dinner standing out against the empty shelves. With no microwave, Sehun eats it cold, swallowing it down quickly, having not eaten for hours. Afterwards, he leaves the dirty dish in the sink, unable to take the risk of running the water, and leaving that for a job to do in the morning. 

He’s quick to get ready for bed, noticing that his father is, once again, passed out on the couch, so he grabs the blanket off his back on his way back to his and Nari’s room. Irene is dead asleep, quiet snores leaving her mouth on every exhale, and Nari’s curled up next to her, whimpering quietly from her dreams. Sehun changes quickly, simply putting on some gym shorts and forgoing a shirt, still overheated from his hours of work and subsequent thirty minute walk home. 

Sehun notices that Irene has already laid out the blankets for his makeshift mattress, and he lays down on the ground, pulling the blanket he took from his father’s sleeping body over him and letting it swallow him whole, finally able to fall into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no baekhyun in this chapter, but he'll be here in the next one! i'm doing some outlining and writing the next few chapters, so the next one will be up soon!


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone!! this chapter includes a scene i was gonna put in chapter 4, so it's a little longer than the first 2 chapters. that's why it took a little longer. that, and my other story, "choices, darling" is wrapping up, and i've been focused on that as well.
> 
> enjoy!!

chapter three.

Irene wakes Sehun up the next morning, with gentle jostling and whispering “Sehun” until he notices and wakes up. She’s hovering over him, a gentle smile on her face, and Sehun sees every bit of her beauty that made him like her so much when she started high school. 

“Good morning,” Irene whispers, “the baby was on my bladder so I woke up a little while ago. I already checked the house, everyone’s gone again.” She sounds disappointed, and it’s a feeling Sehun understands too well, one he had hoped no one else would ever have to feel in regards to his home life. Introducing Irene into his family’s home had meant letting someone else outside of his family see just how everyone in the house operates. It was embarrassing at first, watching Irene observe his family, sitting just at the cusp of the standard of living, and having to adjust to the harsh contrast between this and her own family’s house, filled with fragile decor and oozing with the money her father makes.

Sehun groans, rubbing a hand over his face and catching some crust on the corner of his eye. “Okay,” he mutters, keeping his mouth as closed as possible to make sure none of his morning breath hit Irene in the face. He can smell her toothpaste wafting over him as she speaks, and doesn't want to return the favor with something nasty.

“And before you say anything else,” Irene says as Sehun sits up, pointedly looking away from his shirtless chest, “I’m staying home today. You need to go to school, Jongin texted me earlier that said you missed an important test in World History.”

“I can make it up another day,” Sehun says, voice strained as he turns to crack his back, sighing at the instant relief he gets when his joints pop.

Irene raises an eyebrow, looking at Sehun with an unimpressed gaze. “I don’t think so. School is important, Sehun. I can afford to miss a day for once, you can’t. I know no one else here seems to care about you finishing high school, but I know you do, so _I_ do too. You go, I’ll stay.”  


Stunned, Sehun stares at Irene. He’s always been captivated by her assertiveness, how she was unwilling to budge on anything and always holds true to what she believes in. Her insistence that Sehun go to school, while not really a huge deal, is something Sehun can admire about her. Irene’s dedicated to not only her own education, but Sehun’s, is something he greatly appreciates, though he’d never admit it. As Irene said, his parents and older brother seem to forget that Sehun’s supposed to be a high school senior on top of everything else they have him doing, so Irene’s willingness to stay home warms Sehun’s heart in an odd way.

“I don’t wanna compromise your education,” Sehun mumbles, “I’ve done enough to ruin your life.”

Irene scoffs. “Please. It takes two to tango, Sehun,” she says, not unkindly. “I don’t blame you for anything that happened to me. I hope you don’t blame yourself. Besides, watching Nari will be good practice for when the baby comes…maybe. Now get up, school starts in like thirty minutes.”

The practice comment makes Sehun pause in his tracks. He and Irene haven’t had a serious conversation yet about what they’re planning to do when the baby is born—whether they want to give it up for adoption or keep it with them. Sehun himself isn’t entirely sure where he stands. Of course, giving the baby up is what makes the most sense. Financially, he can’t support he, Irene and a newborn, considering the entirety of his paychecks are going to his parents for random bills and expenses. His mother has been taking small chunks of Sehun’s paychecks and placing it into a college fund, but he also knows that the chances of Sehun going to college are very slim. His brother was able to before his family fell on hard times and never recovered, but that chance just isn’t one Sehun can afford to take.

Irene being seemingly okay with keeping the baby, casually making comments that watching Nari will be good practice, isn’t something Sehun expected. For the most part, Irene’s been very hesitant to have any talks in terms of the future with their baby. Sehun thinks Irene’s waiting until she’s further along, or maybe until the baby is actually born, in her arms and staring up at her with wide eyes that she’ll know for sure if she wants to keep it or not. For now, Sehun goes along with whatever Irene says and doesn't question it.

He and Irene’s relationship—if it can even be called that—is strange in itself. Irene’s a junior while Sehun is a senior, and while Sehun is absolutely not going anywhere after high school, Irene could make something out of herself. She had a whole life and trust fund set up for her before Sehun came along and knocked her up. He felt like an absolute dick watching as Irene’s parents blew up at her, kicking her out, and he knew he had to offer to let her move in with him, without even thinking about what that really means. He and Irene aren’t dating, they’re barely even friends, and yet they’re living together and having a child together in four months time.

Sehun showers and gets dressed for school quickly, still rubbing a towel through his rapidly drying hair as he steps into the kitchen. Irene has scraped together a semblance of breakfast for him, consisting of a small bowl of dry cereal and half a banana. He downs the cereal quickly and takes the banana with him, making sure to smile kindly at Irene for her efforts, and catches the school bus as it’s about to pull away from the stop, just two doors down from Sehun’s house.

-

“What’d he say?” Jongin asks as Sehun leaves his history teacher’s classroom. “How much time do you have to prep?”

“I’m taking it at lunch,” Sehun responds, rolling his eyes. “I’m gonna have to waste all my morning classes studying for this stupid fucking test.”

Jongin shrugs. “Use my notes. I think I took good ones. This test is on everything, man, you can’t afford to screw it up.”

“Thanks,” Sehun says dryly, “that’s so helpful.”

Smiling cheerfully, Jongin hands him a notebook that looks like it’s seen better days. “This is where I take all my history notes. Spend the morning memorizing that shit and you should be fine. There was a lot on there about China for some reason, so study that section the most. You know he’s too lazy to write a separate make up test, so the questions will be the exact same.”

Nodding, Sehun takes the notebook, slipping it into his backpack. “Thanks, Jongin. I owe you one. I gotta go, first period is starting soon—“  


_“Oh Sehun, please report to the guidance office. Oh Sehun, please report to the guidance office. Thank you.”_

Sehun sighs, shouldering his backpack and rubbing his temples. He didn’t get nearly enough sleep to be dealing with any of this shit right now. “Never mind,” he grumbles, accepting pat on the shoulder he gets from Jongin with a grimace. “See you later.”

Trudging to the guidance office is a regular occurrence for Sehun, so when he shows up, the receptionist instantly sends him back with a distracted wave of her hand, already very familiar with Sehun and his frequent guidance visits.

Sehun heads straight for the back of the office, where he knows his guidance counselor’s office is. He knocks on the door, recognizing the senior class administrator sitting across from the counselor, expression grim as Sehun enters the room.

“You wanted to see me?” he asks, as he does every time.

“Yes,” his counselor replies, as she always does, motioning for the chair next to the senior class administrator. “Please, Sehun, sit.”  


He does, releasing a loud sigh as he does so. “So…” he trails off awkwardly, “what’s going on?”

“I think you know, Sehun,” the counselor says gently, before fixing her eyes on the administrator. “We both have some…concerns, Sehun. In terms of you being on track for graduation, a lot is up in the air.”  


“I don’t—“ Sehun starts, but he's interrupted.

“You are failing three classes as of right now, Sehun. Algebra II, Chemistry, and World History, all classes you’ve taken before and all classes you need for graduation. These are the bare minimum general requirements for graduations, and you aren’t passing any of them. Most seniors have completed these courses by their sophomore and junior years, but you’re struggling to make a single decent grade in any of them,” his administrator explains, as if it’s new information to Sehun.

Sehun stares at his hands, twiddling his fingers and completely avoiding both the counselor and administrator’s gazes. 

“With all due respect, Sehun, you’ve been missing a lot of school. You have since sophomore year, actually, and I’m not entirely sure what’s going on at home, but I know you’ve been having some problems, so we’re just trying to get a better gauge of the situation and figure out what exactly we can do to help you.”

“My home life’s fine,” Sehun lies, “I’m just a slacker, that’s all.”

The counselor clicks her tongue, looking at Sehun with something he recognizes as pity, making him sick. “I know that’s not true. As I understand it, you live in Sunset Heights—and I’m not trying to make assumptions here—but that’s a very low income neighborhood, isn’t it? Is there something you need to talk about with us? Anything bothering you—“

“Nothing’s bothering me,” Sehun interrupts rudely, wincing at his tone. “Everything’s fine. I don’t need to talk, I actually need to get to class. I missed a history test yesterday, and I need to study if I wanna pass it during lunch. Excuse me.”

“How’s Irene doing?” the counselor suddenly asks, stopping Sehun in his tracks. “Her counselor notices she didn’t show up today, and you two never seem to be at school on the same day. Is everything okay there?”

“Irene’s fine,” Sehun bites out, “have a nice rest of your day.”

He leaves the guidance office shortly after that, ignoring the pleas from the counselor and administrator to stay and talk some things out, nodding at the receptionist and exiting the office completely.

-

Sehun’s after school shift at the convenience store passes with little to nothing happening, Jongin texting him after soccer practice to let him know that he won’t be able to come by, and that his mother expected him home early to work on homework. 

Leaving right on time, Sehun makes his way down to the restaurant, walking straight to the back and signing in as usual. Once closing time hits, the restaurant is completely empty, or so Sehun thinks, until someone in the doorway of the back room startles Sehun straight out of his shoes.

“Hey!” a sneaky, smiley demon says, and in the dim light, there isn't much that Sehun can make out in his features. “I’m Baekhyun, I’m a waiter here.”

Sehun looks away as he continues rinsing off a frying pan. “Hi,” he replies stiffly, “I’m Sehun. I wash dishes.”

“Obviously,” Baekhyun laughs, stepping further into the room. Sehun can see his hair is bleached white, and his face is very small, much like the rest of him. “Otherwise you wouldn't be back here. Anyways, I just wanted to introduce myself, since I’ve seen you a couple other times and no one else seems to want to talk to you. How much longer are you here for?”

“As long as this takes,” Sehun mutters, pointedly looking at the sinks now.

Baekhyun groans. “Dude, that sucks. Want some help?”

“What?” Sehun stops what he’s doing, nearly dropping the pan that he’s now thoroughly washing in the third sink, soapy hands completely submerged in warm water. “Why?”

Baekhyun shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says. “I thought I’d be nice. You’ve been here for an hour already and you’ve barely made a dent. I’ll rinse the dishes and you can wash them, if that’s okay with you?”

Sehun tries hard not to, but he stares at Baekhyun, unblinking, to the point where Baekhyun starts flushing under his gaze, looking down and shuffling his feet, taking on this shy persona that’s the complete opposite of what Sehun just witnessed.

“Look, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Baekhyun starts, now a tad bit defensive, “I’m not trying to take any of your pay away either, I was just offering to be nice. It must suck, having to clean up everyone else’s mess, and the managers aren’t as strict on the evening shift dishwashers as they are on the others, so I get it. It’s not fair that you have to do it all by yourself in the dark when everyone’s already gone. You don’t have to say yes though.”

Feeling like an ass and a bit of a creep, Sehun snaps out of it, and now it’s his turn to blush. “No, you can help me…if you really want to.”

“I do,” Baekhyun’s voice is warm again, and that’s all it takes for him to walks over to the second basin, reaching over to grab a dinner plate from the first.

After awhile, Baekhyun speaks up again, as it had looked as though he would have burst if he kept silent for any longer.

“Are you in college, Sehun?” he asks.

Sehun swallows, a little fear trickling down his throat. “No, I’m in high school still. I’m a senior though.”

Baekhyun chuckles. “Is it legal for a senior to be working this late?”

Quickly, Sehun checks the time, seeing that it’s just a few minutes after midnight. “No, definitely not. I got the job through sheer willpower and a really convincing puppy dog face.” Baekhyun’s laugh is loud this time, echoing throughout the empty room and sending something warm straight to Sehun’s chest. “Are you in college?” he asks on a whim, for some reason finding himself wanting to get to know Baekhyun better.

“I am,” Baekhyun replies, “I’m a junior. I go to the university that’s, like, thirty minutes away from here?”

Sehun nods, even though Baekhyun isn't looking in his direction. “Cool. Is it really that much better than what I’ve got going on now?”

“I mean, you work the shittiest job imaginable,” Baekhyun says with a little snark. “ _Anything’s_ better than what you’ve got going on now.” The two laugh quietly at that. “No, but in all seriousness, yeah it’s just like the movies. All this independence and room to breathe, free to be yourself and do whatever the hell you want with your life, only having to answer for yourself. It’s amazing.”  


Something heavy settles itself in Sehun’s stomach, because no matter how much he may want to, a potential college experience will never be like the movies for him. It isn’t an option to live in a dorm, to immerse himself in on-campus life when he has a family struggling to make ends meet forty-five minutes away and a baby on the way that he still isn't entirely sure what will happen with it. Any chance Sehun has of going to college will be him commuting everyday, spending the rest of his free time working or watching his kid and little sister. He’ll probably flunk out of school for not going to class or manage to dig himself into debt so deep that he’ll never not be poor for the rest of his life.

Sehun can only hum in response, unwilling to share any of this with Baekhyun, who seems so nice and caring and is so _cute_ , like a puppy, and someone Sehun doesn't plan to mess up with anytime soon.

“What’s your major?” Sehun finally asks after the silence has dragged on a little too long.

Baekhyun beams at the question, and Sehun can’t hold back the minuscule smile that flashes across his face in response. “Music education,” Baekhyun answers, tone so warm and inviting, pulling Sehun in like a puppet on a string. “I want to teach at an elementary school, get young kids to love music as much as I did when I was their age. Inspiring the next generation, that’s my dream.”

The smile hasn't left Baekhyun’s face as he looks back down at the pot he’s rinsing, looking completely certain while he talks about his future, a luxury Sehun will never be able to afford.

“That’s nice,” Sehun says stiffly, though not on purpose. Burdening Baekhyun with his deep-rooted insecurities and overall life problems isn’t in the cards for him tonight. “It’s amazing that you already know what you want to do. I don’t even know if I can go to college, let alone what I’m planning on doing when I’m older.”

Baekhyun laughs lightly. “I’m sure you could do anything you wanted, Sehun!” he announces cheerfully, unaware of the sting that carves itself into Sehun’s side at the words. Sehun winces lightly, passing it off as a smile when Baekhyun looks over at him, lips pulled back to reveal almost every tooth in his mouth, before he too goes back to focusing on the dishes.

They sink into comfortable silence after that, the dishes finishing themselves up quickly after that. Sehun cracks his back while Baekhyun yawns, loud and obnoxious, which Sehun is starting to suspect is a baseline for Baekhyun’s entire personality.

“I guess I’ll see you soon?” Baekhyun asks, and Sehun must be imagining the hope he hears in his voice.

Nodding, Sehun starts walking away, “thanks for the help,” he answers gruffly, remembering how rude people think it is when you don’t thank them for the favors they provide you, no matter how voluntary they are.

Turning the corner, Sehun peeks around the wall, watching Baekhyun get in his car and drive away before walking himself back across the parking lot and beginning the long walk home.

-

Sehun has a double shift at the convenience store that weekend, a day that drags on so long even Jongin can’t find enough ways to entertain himself while he keeps Sehun company, resorting to quizzing him for their upcoming Algebra test, as if Sehun’s done anything close to enough studying to make up for all the classes he’s missed.

A bell at the side of the store rings, and Sehun’s heart stops when Baekhyun walks through the door, followed by another boy that Sehun recognizes, but can’t place. Immediately, Sehun tries to keep the pink out of his cheeks and the horror out of his eyes. Baekhyun knowing that Sehun’s a senior with a shitty job that runs way too late into the night, but knowing that Sehun has a second job on top of that is just too much. He sees the moment Baekhyun spots and recognizes him, and he can practically hear the gears turn in the other’s head.

“Jongdae!” Jongin cheers from his spot next to Sehun behind the counter. “How have you been? You haven't come over much for dinner lately!”

The boy with Baekhyun—Jongdae, Sehun realizes, Jongin’s older brother Junmyeon’s boyfriend—smiles so big his eyes nearly disappear, practically bounding over to the counter to stand next to Jongin. “I’m good! Midterms are killing me though, so I haven't been able to make much time to come over, but I will soon, I promise!”

Baekhyun, who was lingering by the door still, finally makes his way over to the counter as well, eyeing Sehun with a certain mirth that Sehun definitely doesn't understand. 

“So,” Baekhyun says, a teasing edge already present in his voice, “how exactly do you manage high school _and_ two jobs?”

Jongin, who overheard, butts in before Sehun can put together a semblance of a response that doesn't make him sound like he’s completely broke and trying to save his family from poverty. “He doesn’t,” Jongin says casually, slinging an arm around Sehun’s shoulder and squeezing tightly, waiting until Sehun winces and shakes him off to laugh and continue. “Sehun, we need to keep studying, this is a huge test.”

“You and I both know it doesn't matter much for me,” Sehun says sullenly, ignoring Jongin and Baekhyun both snickering, as if somehow the older is already in on the ins and outs of Sehun’s studying habits and horrible grades that he has to show for it. It’s off-putting, to say the least.

Jongin ignores him with a lazy wave of his hand, looking to Baekhyun curiously. “How do you know Sehun? Who even are you?” he asks, lacking tact as usual.

Baekhyun laughs. “I’m Baekhyun, Sehun and I work together at the restaurant.”

Jongdae seems to have finally put together the fact that he knows Sehun, gazing at him with a semblance of wonder. “Sehun! Oh Sehun? It’s been forever since I saw you! How are you doing these days?”

Again, Jongin takes it upon himself to answer for Sehun, completely depriving Sehun of an opportunity to make himself look good in front of his co-worker and a guy who still knows Sehun as the smart, albeit somewhat whiny, know-it-all who had all the drive in the world and thought he was going big places in his future.

“He’s doing great,” Jongin responds casually, “if you count knocking up a junior and flunking out of school fine.”

Jongdae laughs, like it’s all a big joke, and Sehun pointedly avoids Baekhyun’s gaze, knowing for a fact that his eyes are fixed on him. “That’s right!” Jongdae exclaims, smile on his face, “Junmyeon told me about you and Irene. Damn, I gotta admit, if we were placing bets three years ago on who was gonna get someone _pregnant_ in _high school_ , you would've been last on my list. How is she doing though?”

Sehun clears his throat, unable to fight the flush on his cheeks this time. He knows he looks like an idiot, and there’s nothing he can do about it at this point. One of the only things he was planning on keeping for Baekhyun for as long as possible has just been released into the air, like opening a can of worms, except it’s Sehun’s life, not juicy gossip. “She’s okay, you know, as okay as you could be, I guess.”

Sehun finally meets Baekhyun’s eyes, and if throwing himself into oncoming traffic was the only way to get that _look_ off Baekhyun’s face, Sehun would do it in a second. Scanning his gum—he came here for _gum_ of all things—Sehun tries to convey _something_ in the look he gives Baekhyun, anything to keep Baekhyun from coming to conclusion about him, but as he and Jongdae leave the store and Jongin continues reciting equations, the only thing Sehun sees is the disappointment swimming behind Baekhyun’s eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we've officially met baekhyun!! things will be picking up very fast now, including longer chapters and a lot more plot. im excited to get started!!
> 
> see y'all soon :))


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!! im back!! it's been awhile, a lot has been going on since i last updated, but o hope you enjoy the new chapter!!

chapter four.

That night, Sehun doesn’t have a shift at the restaurant, and so the opportunity presents itself for Sehun to eat dinner with his father, older brother, Irene and Nari, his mother working a night shift at the hospital. After helping Irene microwave enough boxed dinners for everyone, and fixing Nari a small bowl of mac and cheese, Sehun sits with the rest of his family. The house fills with sounds of plastic utensils scraping against plastic containers, Nari babbling in the background as she gets processed cheese all over her face.

“Irene,” Sehun’s father says after swallowing a bite of frozen-turned-dried chicken and rice, “how have you been feeling lately? Is the… _baby_ giving you any trouble?”

Blushing, Irene looks down, then looks at Sehun briefly before setting her gaze on Sehun’s father. “I’ve been having a lot of restless nights lately, to be completely honest,” she looks at Nari, eyes softening, “I think it’s because of that little rascal over there,” she adds teasingly.

Sehun’s father laughs, the sound filling Sehun with warmth. It’s been awhile since he’s heard his father laugh as genuinely as he does with Irene.

“But yeah, the baby’s been kicking a lot lately,” Irene finishes, returning her attention to her dinner.

Everyone eats in comfortable silence for a bit before Sehun’s brother, Jinwoo, interrupts the peace, as he’s usually prone to do.

“I’ve been looking into apartments lately,” he announces nonchalantly. Sehun cringes.

Sehun’s father sets his fork down completely at that, looking at Jinwoo fully, already seething. “Why the hell would you do that?” he asks, nearly spitting, and Sehun sees Irene look at Nari with worry, though the toddler remains oblivious to the rising tension in the room.

“Think about it, dad,” Jinwoo starts, “if I move out, that’s an extra room for Sehun, Irene and Nari. Nari can have her own room like a young girl should, instead of having to share one with a teenage boy. Or Irene and Nari can take my room and Sehun can finally have his own room.”

“If you leave, we lose your income,” Sehun’s father replies irritatedly. “You know we can barely afford the payments on this house as it is, taking away your income would be detrimental to us.”

Jinwoo flushes pink, also irritated. “I won’t just leave you guys high and dry! I’ll send you guys some of my paycheck every month. I don’t even give you my entire check right now, you won’t be losing much.”

Sehun’s father inhales deeply, as if preparing a tirade, and Sehun takes the opportunity to stand and pick up Nari, placing her on his hip and picking up her bowl of mac and cheese with his free hand. Locking eyes with Irene, Sehun gestures for her to follow him, and the three walk back to their room in silence. As Irene closes the door behind them, Sehun can hear Jinwoo and his father’s voices raising and clashing with each other, and he thinks they left at the perfect time.

Still oblivious to the ongoing fight, Nari reaches for her bowl, nearly knocking Sehun over with the force of her movements. Next to him, Irene grabs the bowl and gestures for Sehun to set Nari down on the floor, which he does. Irene sits beside her and hands her the bowl, closely supervising her as she eats her remaining mac and cheese. Sehun’s stomach rumbles, and he wishes he had taken his boxed dinner with him as well.

“Do you think he’ll really leave?” Irene asks, worry still coloring her tone.

Sehun sighs. “I have no idea. Jinwoo threatens to leave like this every other month, and each time he gets farther and farther in his plan. Last time he actually had most of his stuff boxed up before my mom managed to guilt him into unpacking all of it. He has yet to sign a lease though, but this time might be it.”

Irene hums, setting Nari’s now empty bowl on the bedside table, letting her tuck herself into Irene’s side, head resting lightly on Irene’s ever-growing bump. Sehun draws his eyes away from the bump, focusing instead on Nari’s face as her eyes fall closed, already in the early stages of falling into a deep sleep.

“I’ve been thinking of moving to online school,” Irene reveals, looking up at Sehun tentatively. Feeling awkward at the stretch Irene has to make to look up at him while he's standing, Sehun sits down in front of her. “That way I can take care of Nari full-time during the day, and you can start going to school more regularly. I won’t have everyone staring at me like I’m a walking circus, and we can both have an easier time getting our education.”

“You should wait until the school year is over before you make a decision like that,” Sehun says, “I don’t want you to have to make that adjustment in the middle of a school year.”

Irene smiles sadly. “The baby will be here before then. My due date is in April, remember?”

And Sehun does, but not thinking about the difficult things has been a motto that has worked well for him so far in his life, so he puts that thought on the back burner.

Sehun watches as Irene puts Nari to bed, the shouting dying down outside. Together, they brave the kitchen, where Jinwoo and Sehun’s father have both cleared their things from dinner, leaving Sehun and Irene’s meals unfinished in their spots. After they finish eating, Sehun attempts to do his homework while Irene struggles not to ask if he wants any help. 

Falling asleep on the couch later that night, Sehun can’t help but let his mind wander to the bump growing out of Irene’s stomach, and how soon he’s going to need to make so many decisions regarding that bump and its life, and how completely not ready Sehun is to make those decisions.

-

Sehun is shaken awake the next morning, back and neck stiff and nearly locked in place. Opening one eye, Sehun can see through the narrow slit that Jongin is crouching over him, smiling bright as his eyes crinkle. Reaching up to rub the sleep out of that eye, he sees Jongdae and Junmyeon standing behind his friend, each with a blank look of patience, albeit Jongdae’s is a bit more curious than Junmyeon’s.

“What’s going on?” Sehun asks, voice thick with sleep. “Why are you guys here?”

Jongin gasps in mock offense. “How dare you?!” he asks loudly, gesturing to the two standing behind him. “We are simply here to indulge you on your first day off of _both_ of your jobs. It’s the weekend! Live a little!”

“Shut up,” Sehun snaps tiredly as he sits up, “my mom’s asleep.”

“Oh,” Jongin utters sheepishly as Jongdae snickers behind him, “my bad.”

“Why are you asleep on the couch?” Jongdae whisper asks, eyes mischievous as he takes in Sehun’s lanky form and fancy sleeping attire, consisting of sweatpants stained with God knows what and a tee shirt so old it’s fraying edges are fraying.

Sehun yawns. “Irene sleeps in my bed now,” he responds simply.

“I heard about you and Irene,” Junmyeon says casually. He reaches down to whack the back of Sehun’s head, smiling innocently at Sehun’s yelp and harsh glare. “That’s for getting a girl pregnant at _seventeen_ , jackass.”

Jongin and Jongdae laugh at Sehun, ignoring the murderous stares getting sent their way. The door to Sehun’s bedroom creaks open, and Sehun turns around to find Irene standing awkwardly in the hallway, one of Sehun’s nicer tee shirts falling down her shoulder and Nari on her hip, stretching the fabric around her stomach.

“O-oh,” she stutters at the sight of three more people than she anticipated being in the house, then looks at Sehun. “I need to use the bathroom, the baby’s pressing on my bladder really badly this morning. She just woke up,” she finishes, gesturing to a sleepy Nari, who’s blinking around confusedly, before fixing her eyes on Sehun and lighting up.

Sehun gets up from the couch and takes Nari, letting Irene walk back to the bathroom to relieve herself as he walks into the kitchen, ignoring the three sets of eyes on him as he sits Nari down in her high chair.

“How many kids do you have, Sehun?” Jongdae asks, grumbling when Junmyeon slaps his arm harshly.

“That’s his baby sister,” Jongin supplies helpfully, “a ‘happy accident’ on behalf of Sehun’s parents.”

Sehun looks at Nari and thinks, if the way his parents treat her is any indication, Nari is the _opposite_ of a happy accident. Nari is half the reason his family fell on such hard times in the recent months.

Grabbing a bowl from the counter, Sehun reaches behind the stack of bills for the box of off-brand Cheerios, sighing when he realizes the box is almost empty, before pouring the rest into the bowl, setting it down in front of Nari and throwing the box into the trash when he's done. Nari immediately begins picking at the Cheerios, and Sehun can only hope that half of them don't end up on the floor by the time she's done eating.

Irene emerges from the bathroom right as Sehun goes to sit back down on the couch, taking her place at Nari’s side and preventing just what Sehun thought would happen, as Nari raises her fist in preparation to throw every Cheerio in her tiny fist onto the floor. Irene grabs her fist and redirects it to her mouth, holding back her grimace as Nari gets slobber all over her and Irene’s hands as she eats.

“You should come out with us today, man,” Jongin says to Sehun, still smiling just as brightly as he was when he woke Sehun up. “You have the day off, you should take advantage of it!”

“Can’t. I need to watch Nari,” Sehun replies shortly covering his eyes with an arm as he rests his head against the back of the couch.

Jongin scoffs. “Oh come on, there isn't a single other person in this house that can’t watch her? Her other brother? Her _parents_?” Jongin emphasizes meaningfully, sending a stern look Sehun’s way when he removes his arm from his face to glare at Jongin.

“No,” Sehun says, “my days off are days I spend with Nari. The more weekends I spend watching her, the more I have to hold over my mom’s head when she makes me stay home from school to watch her.”

The lie falls off Sehun’s tongue like chalk, and he can tell even Junmyeon and Jongdae, who haven’t properly spoken to Sehun in years, can tell it’s complete bullshit.

“I can watch her, Sehun,” Irene says from the kitchen. She places the bowl into the sink—how she gets Nari to finish her food so fast, Sehun will never know—before she picks Nari up from her high chair and walks over to the couch, sitting next to Sehun and letting Nari climb all over Sehun like she does every morning, wrapping her short arms around his neck and planting a wet kiss to his cheeks, giggling at the face he makes. Irene caresses her stomach as she watches, probably subconsciously, and Sehun looks over at her, a protest on his lips.

“Are you sure?” Sehun asks. “You know how much of a handful she is.” Just as he finishes speaking, Nari’s hand accidentally smacks Sehun’s cheek, and everyone in the room winces when Nari shrieks at the accident, before bursting into another fit of happy giggles. Sehun looks at Irene, as if this proves his point.

Irene smiles kindly. “I’m sure. You deserve to have a free day for once,” she says softly.

Sehun hesitates, but when Nari gets bored with him and climbs into Irene’s lap, looking so comfortable and familiar there, he relents. “Fine,” he says shortly, immediately shushing the boys when the break into cheers, reminding them that his mother is still asleep.

He gets dressed quickly, throwing on a different black tee shirt and light wash skinny jeans, stepping into slip-on Vans with holes in the toes and brushing his teeth, running a hand through his hair as he looks at the mirror and cringing at the visible coloration under his eyes.

Leaving Nari with Irene, Sehun locks up his house, following Jongin, Junmyeon and Jongdae into Junmyeon’s car to go God knows where.

-

God knows where turns out to be Jongdae and Junmyeon’s college campus, where Jongdae still lives in a dorm while Junmyeon lives in an apartment close by. Junmyeon parks in a visitor spot and they all get out, Sehun immediately soaking in the scenery. For all he knows, this could be his first and last time on a college campus.

Sehun’s stomach turns when he spots Baekhyun sitting under a tree with another guy, taller than Sehun and in a much better mood than he's ever been in. His stomach continues rolling when he realizes the tree is where they’re headed as well. Baekhyun gets up to launch himself at Jongdae, greeting him with screams and tight hugs. Junmyeon and Jongin reach down to shake hands with the tall guy, still sitting slouched against the tree trunk, and Sehun stands awkwardly to the side, wondering if he should've come at all.

“Hey!” the tall guy says loudly, breaking Sehun out of his self-pitying internal meltdown. “I’m Chanyeol. Are you Jongin’s friend?”

Sehun blinks. “Uh, yeah,” he says stupidly, Jongin cracking up beside him, “I’m Sehun. Nice to meet you.” Reaching down, he performs the most awkward handshake ever practiced between two people.

Eventually, the entire group gathers under the tree, and someone breaks out a shit ton of snacks, which has Sehun’s stomach grumbling in anticipation, thankfully not as loud as the overlapping voices of everyone crowded under the shade. As the groups eats and talk, Chanyeol whips a guitar out from seemingly nowhere, strumming a calm melody as background music to the group’s multiple conversations.

Baekhyun ends up seated next to Sehun, and he seems nervous, like he wants to say something but doesn’t know how. Sehun pictures the look on his face as he discovered Sehun was about to be a teen dad, and mentally prepares himself for the most awkward questionnaire of his life.

“About what happened the other day—“ Baekhyun starts, stopping himself shortly.

“You don’t have to keep being nice to me,” Sehun offers, trying to keep his expression understanding. “A lot of people stop once they find out, so I’d get it if you didn't want to anymore.”

Baekhyun goes from looking nervous to looking completely incredulous. “I would _never_ stop being nice to you. Not for that, anyways,” he ends teasingly.

“Oh? Then what _would_ you tease me for?” Sehun asks.

Before Baekhyun can answer, Sehun’s phone rings, one of the pre-set ones that sounds like an alarm clock, sending everyone into exaggerated panic. “Why is _that_ awful sound your ringtone?!” Baekhyun screeches as Jongdae covers his ears and Junmyeon looks at Sehun disappointingly.

“So that I’ll answer it!” Sehun defends himself, holding the phone to his ear without checking the Caller ID first. “Hello?”

“Sehun?” Irene’s voice responds. “I’m really sorry to do this but we both forgot that I have a doctor’s appointment today. It’s a really important one and I don’t know what to do with Nari. Should I just bring her with me?”

Sehun sighs, looking around at the group of friends, none of whom are paying attention to him at the moment. “No, you don’t have to go by yourself. I’ll come and get you, we can go together.”

“Are you sure?” Irene asks as the group all slowly turn their attention towards Sehun, Baekhyun watching curiously while Jongin has a knowing look on his face, already anticipating the reasoning Sehun’s going to provide for why he needs to leave early. He’s been leaving early more and more these days, at times not even bothering to show up in the first place. “I can just bring Nari with me or maybe wake up your mom?”

“No!” Sehun interjects loudly, wincing afterwards. “Sorry, but don’t wake up my mom. I’m gonna leave right now and come get you, we can just bring Nari with us.”

Irene sighs gratefully into the phone. “Okay, Sehun. I’m really sorry about this,” she sounds so guilty, and Sehun is reminded of when Irene found him under the bleachers, swaddled in a hoodie with a secret that would destroy both of their lives.

“Don’t apologize,” Sehun assures, “it’s both of our faults, we both forgot.”

He hangs up quickly after that, blushing lightly under the weight of everyone’s eyes on him, even Chanyeol, who doesn't even know him. 

“Why do you have to leave?” Jongin asks expectantly, but his eyes stay understanding.

“Irene has a doctor’s appointment that we both forgot about. Apparently it’s an important one? She’s watching Nari right now so I have to get home so I can take them both to the appointment.”

Jongin’s eyebrows raise suggestively. “Is it a _baby_ appointment?” Something doesn't sit right with Sehun about Jongin’s teasing tone when he asks.

“Yes,” Sehun answers hesitantly, and he can’t help but flick his gaze over to Baekhyun, who watches with eyes clear of judgement, then Chanyeol, who seems to understand what Sehun and Jongin are talking about right as Sehun looks over.

“Dude, you have a kid?!” Chanyeol all but shouts, and Sehun cringes, at both the volume and the question.

Next to him, Jongdae elbows Chanyeol in the stomach before curling up into Junmyeon’s side. “Idiot! You don’t just shout that shit! What the fuck’s wrong with you?”

Chanyeol blushes, then turns his alarmingly wide eyes onto Sehun. “Sorry, man. I didn't mean to make it sound that way.”

“It’s okay,” Sehun replies tersely. “Anyways, I gotta go.”

His words push Baekhyun into action, who sits up as Sehun stands, brushing off stray grass from his jeans once his legs straighten out. “Wait, how are you gonna get back home? Do you need someone to drive you?”

Sehun thinks that Baekhyun’s words sound like an open invitation for Baekhyun to drive Sehun home, and the thought of getting into a car with Baekhyun alone after announcing to a group of people—half of whom he hardly knows, the other half slowly becoming strangers to him—that he needs to get home so he can take his baby mama to a doctor’s appointment, leaves a poor taste in his mouth, so he turns around and begins walking away as he answers the question.

“I’m taking the bus,” he says, just loud enough to be heard by the group, and he walks away before anyone else can say anything.

-

By the time Sehun gets back to his house, Irene has Nari standing with her out front, holding onto Irene’s hand tightly while the other hand has a thumb in her mouth. Sehun watches as Irene gently removes the finger from the toddler’s mouth, leaning down to whisper something in Nari’s ear that makes her giggle, the sound sending warmth to Sehun’s chest.

“Hey,” Sehun greets, bending down to pick Nari up and swinging her around briefly to hear more of her high-pitched laughter, “sorry it took so long,” he says as the three begin the short walk to the bus stop. Amazingly, Sehun can already see another bus on the horizon, and it should arrive at the stop at the same moment he, Irene and Nari do.

“It’s okay,” Irene replies softly, “I’m sorry you didn't get the free day you wanted,” the look on her face is apprehensive, and Sehun knows she must still be feeling guilty.

He reaches over and rubs her shoulder in what he hopes is a placating gesture. “Don’t even worry about that.”

“You never get to do your own thing,” Irene continues. “You always have to run around and do things for everybody else, skipping school to take care of your sister or working two jobs to make sure there’s enough food on the table for your entire family. You never get time for yourself, and I thought today would be that for you. I’m really sorry it wasn’t.”

Sehun swallows, but it feels heavy in his throat. “You don't need to say all that,” he murmurs. 

“Yes I do,” Irene insists. “Maybe one day you'll actually listen to me.”

The bus pulls up before Sehun can think of something else to say, and the three board. Luckily, there are two empty seats next to each other, so Irene plops down with an exhausted sigh, drawing the attention of several of the passengers. Sehun notices that a lot of the passengers aren't local to their side of town, and seem generally nervous about being where they are. Shrugging it off, Sehun sits down beside Irene, letting Nari settle in his lap.

Sehun hears a woman scoff and looks up to find an elderly woman sitting across from the three of them, holding a cane in one hand and looking at them with such disdain that Sehun tucks Nari’s head into his neck, keeping her from being able to see the disgusted look being sent her way.

Around them, Sehun notices more and more people giving them side-eyes and judgmental stares. It’s nothing Sehun isn't used to, but having Irene and Nari be under such scrutiny is getting to him. Next to him, Irene cradles her bump subconsciously, rubbing it soothingly while looking out the window, completing oblivious to the stares their receiving. Nari falls asleep in Sehun’s lap, her warm breath puffing out against his skin.

Thankfully, after a painfully silent fifteen minutes, the bus pulls up to the stop that’s a few yards away from the clinic Irene booked that appointment at. Sehun breathes a sigh of relief when he realizes the clinic looks a little run-down, meaning the prices probably won’t be too severe on his pockets.

One thing his mother made clear to him when Irene came home with him was that any and all baby-related responsibilities would be taken care of, financially speaking, by Sehun and Sehun alone.

Sehun opens the door for Irene and the three walk inside, Irene walking up to the check-in desk while Sehun sits in an empty seat that has another one next to it, careful not to jostle Nari too much as he does so. His efforts are for no reason though, and Nari wakes up just as Irene sits down beside Sehun, reaching out with a grabby hand to twist Irene’s hair around between her fingers.

Irene winces as Nari pulls a little too hard on her hair and Sehun tuts at the toddler, reaching up and curling his much larger fingers around hers and untangling them from Irene’s hair. 

“Don’t pull like that, Nari. It hurts Irene,” Sehun chides softly.

Nari nods. “Sorry, daddy.”

Sehun’s blood runs cold, and beside him Irene stiffens.

It’s difficult for Nari, not having her biological parents around at all. Sehun can’t even remember the last time their father held Nari, much less gave her the paternal attention a growing girl like her needs. Sehun’s mother, when she's not sleeping, is too busy working or sitting outside smoking to do anything with her daughter, so the responsibility rests on Sehun, and now Irene as well. Nari calling Sehun by anything other than his name sends chills up his spine, but she's been doing it more often than ever as she starts to familiarize herself with her daily routines surrounding Sehun and Irene.

“Honey, remember, I told you not to call me that,” Sehun sighs, looking over at Irene, who just looks helpless, holding her stomach again, as if it’s a stress ball of some kind. “I’m Sehun, your brother. Can you say that? Sehun,” he enunciates slowly and softly, making sure Nari knows he's not upset with her.

“Sehun,” Nari repeats, before giggling and hiding her face in Sehun’s neck once more. “Daddy’s so silly!” she shouts in Sehun’s ear, and Irene flinches beside him.

“Okay,” Sehun replies simply, giving up. There’s only so much patience Sehun has in a day, and Nari always drains it much quicker than he anticipates she will.

A woman with pink scrubs on walks out into the waiting area, looking around at the few faces sitting there. “Irene?” she calls out, and Irene raises her hand, standing up and straightening her top against her bump, getting rid of wrinkles in the fabric. “Follow me to the back,” the woman says, kind smile on her face before she disappears behind the doors once more. 

“Do you want to come back with me?” Irene asks, almost shy as she looks down at Sehun and Nari sitting together. 

Sehun startles. “I didn't think you would want me to,” he admits sheepishly.

Irene blushes, looking away. “I didn't think I would either, but it doesn't seem right to go back there by myself. You should come back with me, and bring Nari of course.”

So Sehun stands up, trying to shush Nari as she squeals happily at Sehun jostling her around and the sudden difference in height, thinking it’s a game and wanting Sehun to continue playing. “Daddy, go fast!” she screeches, arms coming to loop around Sehun’s neck, choking him.

“Nari,” Sehun wheezes, removing one of her arms from his neck and freeing up his throat for oxygen. “No, honey, we’re not doing that, we’re just moving to another room.”

Irene opens the door and the woman is standing in the hallway, clipboard in hand and looking expectantly as Irene, Sehun and Nari enter the hallway. She leads them straight to the back—the hallway’s short, as the place is small, so it isn't a long walk—and opens the door to an exam room, cold air blasting them as they enter. She sets Irene up on the exam chair while Sehun sits with Nari on a plastic chair that digs into his sides uncomfortably. 

The woman explains everything as she's doing it, lifting Irene’s top and squeezing gel onto her stomach, grabbing a wand-like machine and spreading the gel around. She pulls up a screen right next to where Irene is lying down, and Sehun stands up to scoot his chair forward, sitting right by Irene’s other side as the woman moves the wand around in the gel slowly.

“I found them,” the woman says warmly, “there’s your little baby!”

And all Sehun sees is a blob. Irene’s murmuring something about seeing a foot, but Sehun just sees a white blob against a black background, floating around like a shitty graphic of outer space.

“Are you guys wanting to know the sex?” the woman asks.

“Yes,” Irene answers quickly, and that’s that.

The woman nods, searching for a little whole longer, before she smiles wide, her white teeth shiny in the bright overhead light. “Congratulations,” she says, “it’s a girl.”

_A girl_ , Sehun thinks, _a little girl like Nari_.

The appointment finishes up quickly after that, the woman wiping off the gel and asking if they want a photo from the sonogram, Irene quickly requesting two. The woman looks between Irene and Sehun, almost knowingly, in a way that makes his stomach clench, before she nods and assures her that it won’t be a problem. Before long, the sonograms are in both of their hands, Sehun quickly handing his off to Irene as Nari starts to slip from his other arm’s grip.

Sehun and Irene hold hands the entire way back to the bus stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a girl! and nari speaks! 
> 
> im gonna be writing and updating for this story more regularly now that choices, darling is finished and i've freed up some time in my schedule to sit down and write. next chapter things will start picking up, and we'll see progress in not only sehun and baekhyun's "relationship" but also sehun and irene concerning their baby, and sehun and his family. stay tuned!


	5. five

chapter five.

Sehun turns his Algebra test back into his math teacher and leaves school, taking the city bus back home. When he unlocks the door, his mother is standing in her scrubs, Nari on her hip as she wails loudly, her cries filling up the house and giving Sehun an immediate migraine.

“Finally,” his mother sighs, clearly exasperated. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you? I might be late to my shift now.”

“Sorry,” Sehun replies stiffly, “my teacher made me make up a test during lunch, if I missed it again I probably would've gotten detention. Figured taking the test was better than risking it.”  


His mother rolls her eyes, passing off Nari like she’s a pile of dirty laundry. “Whatever, I’m leaving. There’s nothing to eat, she ate the last of our noodles an hour ago.”

Sehun nods, watching as his mother bustles around the house collecting all her things. She steps into her clogs, grabs her backpack and keys, then heads out of the house as quickly as she possibly can, leaving Sehun and Nari in the dust like they’re a virus she needs to avoid contact with.

“It’s just you and me now, honey,” Sehun says sweetly to his sister, offering her a big smile when she giggles cutely, nestling in the crook of Sehun’s neck and shoulder. “What should we do?”  


“I wanna color, daddy,” Nari mumbles, and Sehun ignores the name for once and just hums instead.

“Color, huh?” Sehun asks as a second affirmation, and when Nari nods enthusiastically, he knows she won’t just ditch her picture within ten minutes of starting it, so he sets her down and walks to his room, where all of Nari’s toys and supplies are.

He can hear Nari struggling as she wiggles up onto the couch, smiling at her triumphant squeal as he gathers up the bucket of crayons, pens, markers and pencils he’s collected for her over the months, grabbing a few sheets of paper he keeps hidden in the back of his small bookshelf so that Nari doesn't hijack it and waste all of the supplies Sehun’s been rationing for her. A bored toddler leads to an eventful afternoon filled with tantrums and migraines, so keeping her entertained over a slow, long period of time is imperative.

“Nari,” Sehun calls out whimsically. “Ready to color?”

“Yes, Daddy!” Nari cheers, leaning over the back of the couch to watch as Sehun approaches, barely giving him time to set down the bucker and paper onto the floor before she's launching off the couch, tiny finger reaching out to try and pry the lid off the bucket. 

Nari struggles for a minute before sighing, clearly frustrated. “Daddy, can you please?”

“I can, of course honey,” Sehun answers calmly, flicking the lid off the bucket easily and running a hand through Nari’s hair once she beams in delight, nearly shoving her face into the bucket in her excitement to pick out her colors and utensils of choice. “You excited, Nari? It’s been awhile since you’ve colored, hasn't it?”

“Yeah,” Nari responds sweetly, voice muffled from how her mouth is directed towards the inside of the bucket. “No time anymore.”

Sehun watches sadly as Nari draws a giant pink heart in marker, quickly following up by dotting it with intense polka dots in multiple colors. “I know, I’m sorry honey. I’ve been busy lately.” Her real mother and father have been busy too, but Sehun leaves that unsaid. It’s bad enough that Nari calls him daddy and their father doesn't even notice, but she’s well on her way to calling Irene mommy, and Sehun doesn't even want to think about the shit show that will be once their mother realizes this.

The most difficult part about the entire mess is that he completely understands why Nari sees Sehun as her father. There’s no other figure in her life that’s properly satisfying that role, and since Nari hardly ever leaves the house, it’s no wonder she’s latched onto Sehun in that way. Sehun would even go as far as to say he sometimes sees Nari as a daughter rather than a sister, and with a baby on the way with Irene, the reality of his situation hits closer to home through his relationship with Nari.

An hour in, Nari now working on a nature portrait on the second page Sehun brought out, a knock on the door causes both to freeze. Sehun, who has been content to merely sit back and watch as Nari colors, turns towards the door with confusion. The only person who ever knocked was Irene, and that was before Sehun had a key made for her so that she wouldn't be too much of a burden if no one was home at the time.

“I’ll get it, honey,” Sehun tells Nari as the knocks return, louder and more insistent this time. “You stay right here and finish your pretty picture, okay?”

Nari nods dutifully. “Okay, Daddy.”

Sehun walks over to the door, ignoring how loud his heart is beating, and opens it, eyes widening when he sees a man and a woman in official-looking suits standing side by side with equally serious expressions.

“Is this the Oh residence?” the woman asks, eyeing Sehun like she already knows everything about him.

“Yes,” Sehun answers meekly. “What do you want?”

“You’re underage, correct?” the man asks, and Sehun nods quickly, growing warier by the second. “We need to speak to a parent, please.”

Sehun winces. “They’re both at work.”

“An adult, then,” the woman replies quickly, “according to our files, there’s an adult male in his late twenties who lives here as well.”

“No one’s home right now,” Sehun says as politely as possible. “It’s just me. I’m all that’s here right now.”

The man and woman exchange a look. “Sir, we’re with Child Protective Services,” the man announces authoritatively, and Sehun’s mouth runs completely dry at the words. “How old are you?”

“Seventeen,” Sehun responds, relieved that his voice doesn't crack and ruin everything.

“Why are you not in school right now?” the woman asks. “High school isn’t out for another hour and a half.”

Sehun gulps, feeling like he’s in trouble. “I needed to leave early to watch my little sister. My mom’s work shift started an hour ago and there was no one else to look after her.”

“Daddy!” Nari suddenly calls from behind him, and Sehun really wishes she could stay still for longer than five minutes. “Daddy, come color!”

“In a minute, honey,” Sehun replies calmly, turning back around and paling at the expression on the agents’ faces.

“Are you sure that’s not your daughter?” the man asks.

Sehun sighs, cheeks reddening. “Yes, she's my little sister, she just gets…confused sometimes.”

He watches the man and woman exchange another look, like Sehun isn't even there, like his words don't even matter. “Sir, we need to inform you that we know your name. Sehun Oh, is that right?” the woman asks, and Sehun pales, nodding shakily and nearly trembling in place. “We’ve received a call from your school that was, frankly, very concerning. According to them, your truancy is due to a lack of available childcare for your younger sister, and you sleep through most of your classes due to working two jobs after school and on weekends.”

“What my partner is saying,” the man continues, as Sehun begins to lose his breath, “is that your family needs to find a time where everyone will be available to sit down and talk with us or another one of our colleagues about what exactly has been happening inside this house. Your school mentioned a girlfriend, another student, that recently moved in with you that’s pregnant. She’s begun to exhibit similar behavioral patterns as you, and the school is concerned for both of you, particularly you, in terms of graduation and college plans.”

Sehun tries to contain himself, he really does. The agents in front of him aren’t threatening him, they’re telling him everything he already knows, everything he would've told them if he had ever gotten around to calling CPS himself, but time escaped him and here he is, deflating before their very eyes, red-eyed and breathless, but most of all, deathly afraid of their next steps of action.

“We are _not_ here to make things worse,” the woman says in a tone that does little to soothe Sehun. “We received a very concerning phone call and, though we haven't spent much time here, I can feel your exhaustion just by standing next to you. Quite frankly, it seems that you’re being overworked for someone your age. It’s our job to help people like you, minors who aren’t being treated according to the standard our society has set for proper childcare. We understand money issues, believe me Mr. Oh, but the extent to which your school describes is…frightening. I don’t understand how a family so poor is able to feed six people, especially when one is pregnant and the other is a toddler with very specific dietary requirements in order for proper growth and development. Please understand what we’re here to do, and know that we are _not_ the enemy.”

“I know,” Sehun replies weakly, cringing at the way his voice wobbles with every word. “I’m just in shock, I guess. Please don’t take my sister away.”

The woman’s face turns sympathetic, and Sehun almost breaks down then and there, holding it together by a thin string, ready to snap at the slightest provocation. “If your parents do not follow our directions, there will be an investigation conducted, and that could very well lead to you and your sister being removed from the home and, in an extreme case of child neglect, your parents’ arrest.”

Even if he tries, Sehun wouldn't be able to hold in the whimper that escapes him. “Oh, _God_ ,” he mutters, looking down at the giant cracks running through the concrete below him. He would rather stare at the sun for an hour than see the looks on the agents’ faces, so stoic yet full of pity, knowing exactly what their news is doing to him and not being able to comfort him in any way.

“You’re not in trouble, Mr. Oh,” the woman says gently, “and our goal isn't to remove you and your sister from the home, but if push comes to shove, my partner and I will do whatever we can to help ensure that the two of you have the best lives possible. If it becomes clear to us that this home is stunting the both of you, then we’ll act accordingly, but we’re not going into this with the goal of removal. Please don’t misunderstand.”

“I won’t,” Sehun says lowly, words curling around his tongue like poison. “I can’t—is that all? Is there anything else I can do for you?”

The man sighs, eyes sad while a small, close-mouthed smile makes its way to his lips. “No, there isn’t. Thank you so much for your cooperation, Mr. Oh. We’re very sorry to have met you under these circumstances.”

“Me too,” Sehun sighs, shaking both of their hands knowing how clammy his own is. He’s not sure if he's thankful or angry that neither of the agents acknowledge it.

The woman digs around in her pocket, procuring a card and handing it over to Sehun. “If you ever want to talk or have any questions, do not hesitate to call. My office is open twenty-four hours a day.”

It’s the last thing said before Sehun watches them walk away, getting into a car nicer than Sehun will ever see, driving far away from his family’s rundown home with an old paint job that’a faded so badly, the original color isn’t even known. They drive past the pots and pots of dead plants Sehun’s mother left in the front yard by the mailbox, a visible representation of the lifelessness inside their home, taken away the moment Sehun’s father lost a leg and their family lost their support.

Sehun closes the door and leans against it, watching Nari dutifully coloring and wondering what the hell he’s supposed to do now.

-

It’s silent at the dinner table, Sehun’s mother gone again for her hospital shift that will run well into the late night. Sehun stabs at his microwavable ravioli, forcing himself to swallow it down and watching as Irene makes sure Nari isn’t flinging her buttered noodles and cut up banana everywhere. 

“Why aren't you at the restaurant tonight?” Sehun’s father asks before taking a long chug of his canned beer, his third that night.

“Had the night off,” Sehun replies stiffly, keeping his eyes down, “boss told me he can only schedule me so many nights to keep the paper pushers off his ass about hiring me in the first place.”  


His father grunts, satisfied with the answer and letting out a loud belch that causes Irene to cringe. Sehun looks up just in time to find Irene looking at him with concern, subconsciously rubbing underneath her eye, where Sehun’s sure he has dark bags hanging, his exhaustion from the emotional day he's had finally hitting him.

“Are you alright, Sehun?” Irene asks softly.

Sehun nods immediately. “Fine,” he says gruffly.

Jinwoo looks up at the tone of his voice, eyes narrowing when he pays attention to Sehun’s face. “No you're not,” he says, almost accusatory, and Sehun pushes down the loud scoff that wants to leave his mouth. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Sehun insists. “CPS visited earlier today and freaked me out, that’s all.”

“CPS?” Irene asks, voice high-pitched, her worry tone, as Sehun has determined. “Like, Child Protective Services? Why were they here?”

Jinwoo laughs scornfully, and Sehun doesn't hold back his scowl. “CPS come around every so often to make sure one of us kids haven't electrocuted ourselves on the loose wires hanging out back on the electrical board or accidentally drowned ourselves in the bathtub while dad drinks himself to sleep. It’s fine. They came around a lot when Sehun was five or six, making sure we were being fed and clothed and bathed and all that shit. They ditch us about a week in, it’ll go away.”

Irene looks outright appalled while Sehun’s father continues shotgunning his beer, ignoring the obvious jab at his drinking habits. Sehun shifts nervously in his seat, trying not to give away his anxiety.

“This time seemed different,” Sehun reveals. “They threatened to remove me. They threatened to remove _Nari_.”

Irene gasps, turning her body towards Nari and running a hand through her hair, cooing at her as she swallows another bite of her bananas, quietly praising her and eliciting giggles. 

“All talk,” Sehun’s dad mutters into his ravioli. “Bullshit. All bullshit.”

_If your parents do not follow our directions, there will be an investigation conducted, and that could very well lead to you and your sister being removed from the home and, in an extreme case of child neglect, your parents’ arrest._

“They said that if you and mom didn't cooperate they were gonna open an investigation,” Sehun says, raising his voice to get his point across. “They seemed very serious and _very_ diligent. I don’t think this is a one and done.”

Jinwoo snorts. “You don't know shit. Last time they came around, you were ten and hadn't eaten in three days. They were either too stupid to notice or too busy to care. Nothing happened. We’ll be fine, like we always are.”

“Whatever,” Sehun grumbles, looking at Irene meaningfully before finishing off his ravioli. “We’re taking Nari back to our room, she can finish her dinner back there.”

As Sehun gathers up their dishes to put in the trash and Irene collects Nari and her dinner, Jinwoo chuckles condescendingly, looking at Sehun with a mirth in his eyes that he doesn't entirely understand. “Don’t be such a pussy about this, when CPS ditches us you’ll be laughing with the rest of us!”

Bullshit. It’s all bullshit.

“I’m sure I will,” Sehun mutters to himself as he follows Irene and Nari to their room, shutting the door behind him with more force than necessary.

Later that night, after Nari’s been bathed and falls asleep on the bed, Sehun and Irene sit on the floor, trying their best to do homework that neither of them completely understand.

“Do you really think they’ll remove you? That they’ll take Nari away?” Irene asks, her voice meek.

Sehun closes his eyes briefly, willing himself not to get emotional again. “If I get removed, so do you,” he replies, dancing around her real question. “You’re not a permanent resident or a member of the family, if they see enough problems to take me away, you’re coming with. They’ll keep us together too, since we’re having a kid.”

“But _Nari_ ,” Irene whispers, her voice just as intense as if she were shouting, “will they take _Nari_ away? Will they take her away from your family?”

_Will they take her away from_ us _?_ It’s left unsaid, but it’s ringing in Sehun’s ears as if she really said it. In a way, he supposed Irene has grown to see Nari as a daughter, just like Sehun.

“If they want to remove the two of us,” Sehun starts, “a seventeen and sixteen year old, then they will most definitely remove the toddler. There’s no doubt in my mind. I just don't know how much they really care.”

Irene sniffs, setting her textbook down on the ground and crawling over to Sehun, sitting next to him and tucking her face into his chest. He let’s his arms go around her as he leans back, supporting himself against the wall behind him. For awhile, the two sit in silence, Irene quietly crying into Sehun’s ratty old tee shirt, Sehun listening to that and the sounds of Nari’s soft snores from the bed.

“The two of us won’t be separated,” Irene says quietly, voice catching as she tries to keep her tears at bay while speaking. “Because I’m pregnant with your kid. What about Nari though? Will she be separated from us?”

Sehun tightens his hold on Irene, running a hand down her back as she shivers from the contact. He brings his other hand down to her stomach, rubbing across it and touching it himself for the first time. 

“I don’t know,” Sehun admits, tears welling up in his eyes. “I think they kinda realized that I’m her…caretaker? I don’t know what to call it.”

“So…they _won’t_ take her away from us?” Irene asks. Her voice is so unsure, so insecure, and Sehun hates hearing it, hates that the smartest girl he's ever met is so unsure of her own situation, too many things up in the air for her to grasp.

Sehun knows the reality, he's seen it in his own neighborhood, childhood friends that get taken away from their parents and have spent their lives bouncing from home to home, hoping someone will let them stay long enough to be settled down and focus on school. Sehun knows his own situation was a lot more complicated than Jinwoo made it sound at dinner, that at ten years old Sehun was at higher risk of being removed than his brother and father are willing to admit. Sehun had had many conversation with too many different adults that thought they were doing what was best when they tried to convince Sehun he was being neglected, abused in some way, anything to get him to admit that he didn't want to live with his family anymore.

Anything to give them an excuse to take him away from everything he’d ever knew.

The thought of the same thing happening to Nari makes Sehun sick to his stomach. Out of anybody, Nari is the last person who deserves it. She’s the most well-fed person in the house, belly always full of food that hasn't spoiled or staled so much that it’s inedible. Sehun does his best for Irene, but even she agrees that it’s more important that Nari’s stomach be full before anyone else gets even a bite of food. Sehun’s parents are absent, and maybe they could be construed as neglectful, but they’ve never eaten something that was meant for Nari, never taken away the chance for their daughter to be fed properly.

But Nari is so young and so impressionable, and if enough talk of maltreatment circulates around her, then the same adults that tried to convince ten year old Sehun that his situation was bad will talk to Nari the same way, and since she’s so naive, it will work. Nari will be removed, and Sehun won’t be able to do a goddamn thing to get to her. She’ll be lost to them forever, bouncing from home to home just like so many of Sehun’s childhood friends, moving school districts or cities before Sehun could even try and find them, try to reconnect with them and re-establish a friendship.

Irene’s addition to the situation surely complicates things, but it doesn't create too convoluted a problem for CPS solve. Irene will most likely be brought back to her parents, and if they refuse her, she’ll either be placed with Sehun—wherever the hell they send seventeen year olds mere months away from turning eighteen and aging out of the system—or she’ll be strongly encouraged to get emancipated. 

Sehun and Irene’s connection to each other surely gives CPS an incentive to keep them near each other, but there’s hardly anything concrete beside their strong emotional bond with Nari that keeps her near them in the event of them all being removed from their home.

That’s what scares Sehun the most, a reality where Sehun and Irene are together, baby on the way and no concrete plan of what happens when she's born, but without Nari. In a crazy way, Nari completes their little family. She’s a trial run for Sehun and Irene, that’s undisputed, but she’s so much more than that. Sehun’s caught Irene looking at Nari with too much devotion, looking too contemplative of a future Sehun didn't think was possible before, a future where he and Irene raise their baby together, raising Nari in the process. A future where their baby and Nari are siblings.

Sehun hooks his chin on top of Irene’s head, pressing his hand more firmly against Irene’s belly. “We can hope they don’t,” he says, “because I have no idea what I’ll do if I don’t have her.”

“Me neither,” Irene admits. “She’s so important to me.”

“Like a daughter, right?” Sehun asks, already knowing the answer.

Irene nods into Sehun’s chest, jostling Sehun’s head, but he doesn't complain. “It’s like she's mine,” Irene murmurs. “I haven't lived here for that long. I didn't even know her before all of this happened, and it’s like I’ve been here the entire time. I go to sleep by her side every night and wake up with her every morning. I make her breakfast and I go to school and I come back and watch cartoons with her while I do my homework. I make her special dinner, I help her eat it, and then I give her a bath. You know the other night she asked me to get in the bath with her? You were at work and everyone else was gone or doing something else. I didn’t—I didn't want someone accidentally walking in on us, and it felt wrong to lock the bathroom door—but I really wanted to. I wanted to take a bath with my daughter. Is that weird? That I see her as my daughter already?”

“I don’t think so,” Sehun replies. “You’re right, you haven't known her for long. It definitely makes more sense that she’d call me daddy then it would for her to call you mommy, but I know that’s the path we’re headed down.”

“She almost did the other day,” Irene giggles, “before the doctor’s appointment. It was on the tip of her tongue, I could just tell.”

Sehun hides his smile in Irene’s hair. “She feels the same way that you do about her. I think it’s great that you bonded with her like that. It definitely makes things easier on me. I’ve basically been raising her since she was born, and I was only fourteen or fifteen then?”

Irene scoffs. “You were way too young. I hardly ever saw you at school. When I saw you at that party, it took me forever to figure out who you were. Joy had to tell me, it was so embarrassing.”

“I’m sure,” Sehun teases, “Irene not knowing something? Be careful, the world might explode.”

Irene reaches up and blindly flails her hand, catching Sehun’s forehead in a light slap that doesn't do anything, just as it was intended. “Whatever,” she mutters. “I like what we’ve built here, the two of us. I like that we can be friends and do this together. This whole situation would be a lot harder if you were a horrible person to be around, so thank you for being decent, I guess.”

“My pleasure,” Sehun chuckles, removing his hand from Irene’s stomach and cradling her to him once again.

They sit there for awhile, breathing together and listening as Nari whimpers and shifts around in her sleep, her dreams finally catching up to her. When they finally do settle down, Irene curled protectively around Nari as best she can, her growing belly making it more difficult, and Sehun on the floor with his blanket pile and pillow, he replays their conversation over and over again.

Sleep doesn't come easy for either of them that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm already halfway through the next chapter so it should be coming out soon! 
> 
> follow me on twitter @ suhyeols if u wanna see more of me :))


	6. six

chapter six.

After three weeks, Sehun feels like he hasn't gotten anywhere. His parents are still refusing to do anything about CPS’ impromptu visit—Sehun isn't even sure his father _told_ his mother, and seeing as the only time Sehun speaks to his mother is when she’s yelling at him to pick up extra shifts, he didn't feel the need to make their relationship even more difficult. 

Sehun finds himself back at the restaurant in the far back, washing dishes with Baekhyun and trying to pretend like it hasn't been entirely awkward the last few times they’ve seen each other. Sehun is determined to avoid even speaking to Baekhyun, meaning absolutely no words outside of polite but distancing hellos and goodbyes when his shift starts and ends. He can sense Baekhyun’s confusion, and part of him wants nothing more than to talk to him like he did before Baekhyun found everything out, but the knowledge of Irene and the baby are too much for Sehun to be able to properly communicate with him.

On top of that, he can’t help but stare at Baekhyun a few seconds too long whenever he looks his way, so avoiding him altogether seems like the best strategy to go with.

“So listen,” Baekhyun says right as Sehun places down a pot on the drying rack, a perfect opportunity now that his hands are free. “I’m not dumb, I know you've been avoiding me, and I’m trying to respect that. I learned a lot more about you personally than you know about me—I’d be freaked out too.”

Sehun does the one thing he always keeps himself from doing and looks over at Baekhyun, letting his eyes linger on his pretty face, the plump, smooth curve of his lips and the cute point of his nose, the way his eyes are round and soft while also angled and menacing, like the sharp lines of his face that frame him, making him look devilish and angelic at the same time. 

“I don’t really know what you're talking about,” Sehun murmurs, trying not to make it obvious that he’s staring at this point.

“We’re on completely uneven ground. If I had a guy walking around knowing all my backstory without even so much as knowing their favorite color in return, I’d be going nuts. I know about the kid and you know nothing, I get it.”

“Um,” Sehun utters intelligently.

Baekhyun grins. “My favorite color is yellow, now I have a couple questions that Jongdae refuses to answer for me. You don’t have to answer, it’s just me being curious and annoying.”  


“…What?” Sehun asks, delayed and confused.

“Are you dating your kid’s mom?” Baekhyun asks brashly, cutting to the chase. Sehun’s eyes widen, but it doesn't deter him, and he keeps plowing forward, each question getting more uncomfortable than the last. “Are you just hooking up? Was it a one time thing? Why didn't she get an abortion? Do you guys live together now?”  


Sehun flounders, mouth opening and closing like a fish and all the while, Baekhyun giggles at the gobsmacked look on Sehun’s face.

“I’m sorry! I said I was curious!” Baekhyun cries defensively, grin still taking over his entire face, like a puppy. “You don’t need to answer anything! I just really want to know and Jongdae isn't giving up anything.”

“He’s usually the first person to blab on about everyone else’s business to whoever will listen,” Sehun muses. “It’s weird that he's so hush-hush about mine.”

Baekhyun shrugs. “I think his brother—your friend Jongin, right?—told him to keep it quiet. Won’t let him spill past anything I already know.”

Sehun feels touched, that Jongin would go to extreme measures to keep Sehun’s private business just that, and that Jongdae would actually listen and abide by the requests of his younger brother for the sake of his friend. They’ve both known Sehun for years, and while Sehun is obviously closer with Jongin, he can’t help but feel grateful that Jongdae would still care enough to respect his privacy like that.

“So?” Baekhyun asks, back to being shameless.

“Uh…” Sehun trails off, laughing. “I don’t really know how much I wanna tell you?”

Baekhyun’s eyes light up. “I’ll tell you anything! Give me something! I’ll take crumbs at this point, please?”

“Irene and I aren’t dating,” Sehun answers, exhaling heavily. “That’s my kid’s mom, by the way, Irene. She’s a junior and super serious about school. You can imagine how pissed her parents were.”

“Did they kick her out?” Baekhyun asks quickly, eyes as wide as saucers.

Sehun nods, wincing. “I was there, it wasn't pretty. She lives with me now. Me, her and my little sister all gotta bunk up in one room so my older brother can still have a room to himself. She and I…it was just a one time thing. We were both at a party, both a little too drunk to be making life changing decisions, we made one anyway, and now here we are.”

Baekhyun’s face is an open book as he processes the information Sehun just gave him. “How far along is she?”

“About six months,” Sehun replies.

“And you two have only ever been friends? Since your one hookup, that is?”

Sehun shrugs. “We weren't even friends when this all went down. She cornered me at school and told me that she was pregnant, and everything escalated from there. By the time she and I got our heads on straight, she couldn't get an abortion. She got kicked out after that, and she and I have been getting closer lately, but yeah, we’re only ever gonna be friends.”

Sehun thinks of the late nights he and Irene stay up talking, how 

comforting it is to have someone in the exact same position as him. He knows he couldn't have asked for a better person to be going through this with than Irene. She’s level-headed, driven, and determined to have everything work out for her in the end. Sehun’s only ever seen her as someone he hopes to become good friends with, even after their kid was thrown into the mix.

“Are you sad about that?” Baekhyun asks, only sounding curious. “That you’ll probably stay just friends?”

“No,” Sehun replies instantly. “She and I are on the same page. Besides, we don’t even know for sure if we’re keeping our kid, for all we know this is just a temporary situation, and by the time she gives birth her parents will come around and let her come back. She and I will just go back to acquaintances after that, and then I’ll graduate and…who the hell knows.”

Baekhyun nods, eyes still judgement free, and Sehun wonders how he’s so lucky to have a friend who’s so understanding of him, who doesn't pass judgements or make Sehun feel trashy for the way his life is turning out.

“I gotta say, I’m a little relieved,” Baekhyun admits, looking down. Sehun can see a hint of a smile on his face.

“Why’s that?” Sehun asks.

Baekhyun looks up and steps closer and closer, until the two are inches apart and Sehun’s looking straight down at Baekhyun, breath falling over his face no matter what he does. Baekhyun looks right back up at him, eyes so open and expressive, smiling with a hint of mischief and underlying…nervousness?

“I won’t have to feel too bad about this,” Baekhyun murmurs, and then he surges upwards and kisses Sehun.

There’s no fireworks. No parade or inner-celebration. The kiss isn't even that good, mostly lips mashed together with no direction, sliding across each other a little too grossly for Sehun’s taste. But he still sighs into it, curling an arm around Baekhyun’s small waist and pulling him just a little closer, closing the gap between them and sighing into Baekhyun’s mouth when he tilts his head just so, letting his tongue run across the seam of Sehun’s lips so lightly that it tickles.

Humming, Baekhyun wraps his arms around Sehun’s body, hands linking together behind his neck. He tugs Sehun down just a little, laughing softly when Sehun stumbles slightly, quickly regaining his footing and sliding his other hand around Baekhyun’s hip, keeping him locked in place, meshed into him. He opens his mouth tentatively, letting Baekhyun do all the work as he explores slowly, curious, like he's searching but not entirely sure what for. Sehun tampers down a whine and kisses back fully, letting his tongue peak out and run across Baekhyun’s teeth, nipping lightly at Baekhyun’s bottom lip afterwards and swallowing his subsequent giggle.

When Sehun finally pulls away, he knows he must look a wreck, if Baekhyun is anything to go by. His cheeks are flushes bright pink, his lips even fuller than usual and bright red, like he just sucked on a lollipop. Sehun takes his appearance in, registers that it’s him that did this, and he can’t help but smile, letting it take over his entire face.

Baekhyun giggles again, hiding it behind one hand as he takes one step back, the distance between them not cold in the slightest. The heat from their interaction still lingers, and Sehun can feel it warming him down to his bones.

“Can I give you a ride home?” Baekhyun whispers, breathing heavily and gazing at Sehun with hooded eyes that send a flush up and down Sehun’s body, leaving him light-headed and slightly dazed. 

But then Sehun pictures the look on Jongin’s face every time he comes to visit Sehun, the quietly held disgust that he tampers down as best he can, eyeing the rotting walls and moldy, wasp-eaten carpet with something akin to disdain. He knows Jongin loves him, just like a best friend should, and would never dare speak a word against Sehun’s family’s home in front of Sehun or behind his back, but Sehun knows. He knows that Jongin feels like taking a long, hot shower after leaving the infested dumpster site Sehun calls a house.

The last thing he wants is for Baekhyun to give him the same look. Not after this.

“I live close by,” Sehun lies through his teeth, swallowing his guilt at the disappointment shadowing Baekhyun’s face. “Thank you, though.”

“Anything,” Baekhyun says, and it’s sincere enough to send pangs of want through Sehun all over again.

They share a smile, finish the dishes, and kiss for longer than the first time in the parking lot after locking up and leaving the store, Baekhyun arching up on his toes to run his fingers through Sehun’s hair, tugging on the locks and moaning when Sehun’s response is to dig his nails into Baekhyun’s waist, squeezing the skin there and fondling it afterwards.

Baekhyun’s humming when they part, a long vibration that warms Sehun’s face, leaving him blushing like a school girl as Baekhyun walks back to his car, sending frequent glances over his shoulder to check to make sure Sehun’s still watching. It makes Sehun laugh, seeing Baekhyun basking in the attention Sehun’s giving him, and he makes sure to make a different face every time Baekhyun looks back, to give him variety and to make him laugh too. Sehun can only laugh harder when it works, Baekhyun’s shoulders shaking as he finally reaches his car, plopping into the driver’s seat and speeding off, seemingly without a second thought, but Sehun knows the other will be thinking of him too.

-

“Are you okay? You look deep in thought. Should I call someone?”

Sehun rolls his eyes at Jongin’s lame attempt at joking, barely keeping the smile off his face when Jongin breaks into a grin that folds his face in half, eyes crinkling into beautiful crescents. “Shut the hell up, wise one,” Sehun sneers.

“C’mon, don’t act like this is for no reason,” Jongin defends, pout already forming over his lips. “Tell me, what’s got you thinking so much?”

Sehun could tell him the truth—that he and Baekhyun made out twice and he hasn't been able to stop thinking about it since, not during school or watching Nari or playing Devil’s advocate while his parents hash it out at the dinner table—but he doesn’t. Sehun likes that he and Baekhyun are just that, he and Baekhyun. Involving Jongin so early on into whatever they are isn’t something Sehun’s willing to do just yet.

“CPS,” Sehun sighs, wincing at Jongin’s sympathetic look. “I haven’t called them, I’m too scared. I think they’re gonna come back soon though, and my parents think the whole thing is a joke.”

“This is gonna sound stupid, but try not to worry too much,” Jongin replies. “I know I have no idea what you’re going through, no matter how much you tell me, but I know a lot about stress. You can’t let it get to you or it’ll eat you up inside. Let yourself breathe once and awhile, Sehun.”

Sehun nods. It’s the only thing he can do.

“Are you busy after school today?” Jongin asks. “Honestly, I’m surprised you showed up for the whole day. That’s a rarity if I’ve ever seen one.”

The grin that appears on Sehun’s face can’t be faked. “I’m completely free,” he announces proudly, grinning wider at Jongin’s noticeably excited face. “I have the day off from the store, but I gotta make it to the restaurant tonight for a shift. Why?” Sehun asks like he doesn't already know the answer.

“You should come to Junmyeon’s with me,” Jongin says, practically vibrating in his seat with excitement. “Everyone will be happy to see you, I promise. They all asked about you a lot when you had to leave the other day. They were really curious but they weren’t mean about it, they liked you. Please?”

“I’m down,” Sehun replies and Jongin beams.

“Yay!” he squeals, not even finding it in himself to be embarrassed when their teacher shushes him with a scold harsh enough to send someone like Jongin to tears.

-

Sehun feels horrible about the sigh of relief that he exhales when he realizes that Baekhyun hasn’t arrived to Junmyeon’s yet.

Jongdae answers the door with a bright smile as a guitar strums loudly in the background, Junmyeon and another man’s laughs filling the small space of the apartment. Sehun feels guilty for praying that the other laugh isn’t Baekhyun, and feels even guiltier when he and Jongin step into the apartment and realize Chanyeol’s sitting on the couch, guitar in his lap, banging out chords as loud as possible as Junmyeon giggles, trying to catch his breath. Baekhyun is nowhere to be found.

“Come sit down!” Jongdae is saying when Sehun snaps back into reality. “We’re just fucking around. Baekhyun will be here soon and then we’ll start watching some movies or something.”

Jongin immediately takes a seat next to Junmyeon, cuddling as close as possible until his brother gets sick of their close proximity and moves, sliding to the floor and freeing up a space for Sehun, which Jongin promptly offers. Jongdae joins Junmyeon on the floor and Chanyeol scoots a little closer to the arm of the couch, Sehun sitting between them on the middle cushion.

Chanyeol continues strumming his guitar, but it’s lighter now, airy, and it fills the room with a nice calm rather than a busy energy that put Sehun a little on edge. Sehun leans down to tuck his head into Jongin’s neck, closing his eyes and letting the music wash over him, soothing. Jongin’s hand comes up to scratch lightly behind Sehun’s ear, and before he knows it, Sehun’s out like a light.

He isn’t sure how much time has passed when Sehun finally wakes up, eyes still closed as he slowly comes back into his body. His head is pillowed in someone’s lap, but judging by the way a hand sweeps through Sehun’s hair, nails lightly scratching his scalp with the motions, he knows it’s Jongin. Voices bounce around him, the clear signs of a group discussion, and Sehun let’s himself bask in the state of relaxation he’s found himself in. He can’t remember the last time he felt this calm in his life.

“When did it happen?” Jongin’s asking, voice deep and low and further comforting Sehun.

“A couple days ago,” a familiar voice responds and sends shivers down Sehun’s spine. Baekhyun has taken Chanyeol’s place next to Sehun on the couch, and Sehun’s feet are propped his lap. Thankfully, Baekhyun isn’t touching them, just letting them rest, but Sehun can hardly control the blush fighting its way onto his cheeks. “I stay back to help him with he dishes when we work the same nights, and I just kinda went for it. I don’t think he freaked out too bad though.”

Sehun keeps his eyes closed and tries to even out his breathing as he realizes what the group is talking about. He hears Jongdae chuckling lightly from the floor, teasing Baekhyun, but Sehun can’t make out the exact words over the ringing in his ears. 

“This is the first time I’ve seen him since,” Baekhyun reveals, sounding nervous. “We haven’t worked another shift together and I don’t have his number. There was no way to contact him without going through someone else and making it obvious what happened. He doesn't seem to like other people knowing his business, so I just didn’t say anything.”

“That’s Sehun for you,” Junmyeon says fondly. “No one knows anything about him unless it’s on his terms. He was always like that, even as a kid.” He hears Junkmen heave a sigh, and then, “he’s still a kid.”

Jongin’s hand stops in its tracks where it was dragging through Sehun’s tangled locks. “He isn't a kid anymore,” he says lowly, “not like me. He’s different. Older.”

“Maybe you’re just immature,” Junmyeon teases.

“Not like that,” Jongin insists. “Sehun’s got so much other shit going on right now. I can’t come close to comparing.”

Jongdae scoffs. “You got that right. The girl he knocked up is due in, like, two months.”

“Is it true that he’s working two jobs?” Sehun hears Chanyeol ask, who had been quiet for the entirety of the conversation that Sehun has heard.

Sehun hears Jongin shift. “Yeah,” he replies, “he works after school at a convenience store and then nights at a restaurant as a dishwasher. He and Baekhyun work at the restaurant together.”

“Jesus,” Chanyeol mutters, so low Sehun almost doesn’t hear it.

“He also has a younger sister,” Jongin continues, sounding more upset than before, “she’s three. Sehun practically raises her. Irene is living with him now because she got kicked out of her parents’ house. He, Irene and Nari—that’s his sister—all sleep in the same room together.”

“Where are his parents?” Jongdae asks.

Sehun can feel how charged the atmosphere is getting, how emotional Jongin is coupled with the concern everyone else has for him. It’s not as if it’s a wake up call—Sehun knows how much others in his life worry about him—but hearing it play out in real time, listening as the people around him figure out just how hectic and unhealthy Sehun’s life is, it stings. 

“They work,” Jongin answers, “everyone in that house is _always working_. Sehun’s older brother still lives with them too, and even he’s always out working. Everyone’s just always so busy, and Sehun has to pick up so much slack because of it.”

“I can’t imagine,” Jongdae says, voice high, almost like a whine.

And Sehun’s sick of being talked about like he’s not there. Sick of having to listen to a room full of people be concerned for him, as if he could actually do anything that would change a thing. 

Sehun lets his eyes flutter, scrunching his face up and moaning softly, forcing the sound to crack at the end of it, as if waking from a deep sleep. The shame he feels when everyone around him quiets down, Junmyeon quickly changing that subject by asking Chanyeol about an exam he took recently, colors Sehun’s face, but he hopes to blame it on a post-nap flush.

“Hey,” Sehun looks up to find Jongin looking down at him, a soft smile on his face. “You were out for awhile.”

“What time is it?” Sehun mumbles, slowly sitting up and letting his legs fall off the couch, ignoring the way Baekhyun scoots further towards the arm to get away from him. “I have work.”

Jongin smiles again, but this one is pained. “Don’t worry, it’s only five. Your shift doesn't start for awhile right?” Sehun nods. “Okay, good.”

Everyone is engaged in small, hushed conversations, acting as if that’s what they’ve been doing all along, and Sehun can’t push down the nausea crawling up his stomach and throat.

He excuses himself and, when he gets to the bathroom, he vomits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twitter @ suhyeols and leave me a comment about what you thought of the chapter :))


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow it didn't take me a million years to update!!! i must have my shit together huh...
> 
> this one's a doozy guys. please be warned.

chapter seven.

“…So,” Jongin trails off, sending another sideways glance at Sehun from his desk. “Anything on your mind?”

Sehun tries not to roll his eyes. “No. Why?”

“…Nothing…just asking…”

Ever since the day at Junmyeon’s, Jongin has been not-so-subtly trying to get Sehun to admit he and Baekhyun kissed. Jongin has never been one for subtly, but the incessant need to know what’s going on is starting to grate on Sehun.

Of all the things for Sehun to be worried about, a kiss with Baekhyun should be at the bottom of the list. On top would obviously be how his family is seemingly crumbling to the ground as each day passes, bursting into flames as the ashes scatter around him. Another being his baby on the way and Irene’s lack of clarity as to what they’re doing with the kid once it’s born. In all honesty, Baekhyun should be the last thing on his mind. 

He _should_ , but he isn’t.

Sehun can’t stop thinking about Baekhyun, to the point where it’s embarrassing. He feels like a lovesick idiot, like how he was when he held Irene on this golden pedestal and revered her as if she were a goddess. Baekhyun constantly enters Sehun’s mind, completely uninvited, refusing to leave when Sehun tries his best to distract himself with other thoughts. He’s like a virus, infecting every thought Sehun has without any guilt. 

Since the kiss, he hasn’t had to work any shifts with Baekhyun, which, in hindsight, is a great thing, given how badly Sehun wants to jump Baekhyun the first chance he sees him, sucking down his gasps and gripping his hips tight, holding him close to him and never letting go.

“Are you _sure_ there’s nothing you want to talk about?” Jongin asks once again and Sehun audibly sighs, turning to look at Jongin with what he hopes is a piercing enough look to get the clue and shut the hell up. 

“Yes,” Sehun deadpans, satisfied as Jongin leans back in his seat, placated. “Can we please focus? I actually get a chance to catch up for once and I don’t wanna waste it.”

“Sure yeah,” Jongin replies calmly, still watching Sehun with searching eyes but withholding the rest of his questions. “You’ve been at school a lot more lately,” he comments, open-ended.

Sehun nods. “Irene is getting more and more serious about us taking turns staying home. I guess she still feels really bad about how behind I am. _She_ has to help with _my_ homework because of how behind I am and how advanced she is. School is such a waste of time for me but she’s not backing down.”

“Well it’s been weird having you around,” Jongin smiles, “but I’m not mad about it. I missed you, man.”

“Buy me dinner first, Kim.”

A knock at the classroom door interrupts whatever retort Jongin was going to give, a small senior girl popping inside with a hall pass. She walks across the room and hands it to the teacher, quickly leaving, pocketful of hall passes threatening to spill across the floor as she turns.

“Sehun!” his teacher calls, holding the hall pass up with a pinched look on his face. “You’re needed in the guidance office.”

“What a surprise. Guess I won’t be catching up at all.” Sehun turns to Jongin, whose already frowning. “I spoke too soon.”

-

Sehun’s guidance counselor has a look on her face that is, unfortunately, all too familiar to Sehun, who looks at her impassively and waits for whatever long list of concerns she wants to raise to Sehun this time.

“Mr. Oh,” his guidance counselor starts. “You must know why you’re here.”

Sehun has three guesses. All of them turn his stomach around in twisted knots.

“These meetings usually only go so many ways,” Sehun replies as lightly as possible, trying to keep as much hostility out of his tone as possible. “What’s wrong this time?”

His guidance counselor gives him a scolding look, clearing her throat and adjusting her glasses before speaking. “We’ve come to _that_ point, Sehun,” she starts, and though Sehun has been anticipating this conversation since his senior year started, his heart still sinks into his stomach at the words. “We need to schedule an appropriate time for you and a parent to come in and sit down with me and the senior class administrator. You are well past the point of warning. Another week with your track record and you will _not_ graduate at the end of the semester.”

Sehun swallows heavily, feeling like his tongue is made of stones, tumbling around in his mouth loosely and at risk for falling out of his face. He looks up at his guidance counselor and for once her gaze of pity isn’t off-setting.

“Do you understand what I’m saying to you, Sehun?” she asks gently, removing her glasses and setting them down, all while maintaining eye contact.

Nodding and holding back tears, Sehun speaks, his voice rough from the pressure on his throat. “Yeah, I do.”

“Anyone who can come in within the next few days,” his guidance counselor continues, eyes still soft as she realizes the state Sehun is in at the news. “Your mother or father, even your older brother will do. We just need an adult figure in your life to come in and try to sort this out together, see what we an do to get you back in school and focused on finishing out these last couple months. Okay?”

“Okay,” Sehun whispers, tucking his chin into his chest and looking down at his fingers, twiddling them together and wondering how the hell he’s going to bring this up to his parents at dinner.

“It’s high-time we had an intervention on your behalf, Mr. Oh,” his guidance counselor says, as gentle as ever, but her conviction seems to be growing as well. “I’ve let a lot slide these past two years, but enough is enough. You’re future is on the line. I know you’re bright, Mr. Oh, it’s time to start putting in the work to get this done and get you across that stage come June. We can work something out, it’s not too late, but you need to meet me halfway.”

Sehun nods. “I understand.”

“Do you have any questions for me?” Sehun looks up, sees her open, kind expression and nearly hangs his head all over again, shame filling him to the brim. “Anything you just need to talk out? I know a lot’s going on at home still, is there something on your mind?”

_Yes_ , Sehun thinks, _you have no fucking idea. I could talk for hours and hours and it wouldn’t be enough_.

“No,” he says steadily, “I’m good.”

His guidance counselor gives him a look, but let’s it slide. “Alright,” she says, unconvinced. “Come and see me anytime you change your mind. My office is always open for you, Sehun. We’ve been through too much together already, now’s not the time to slip through the cracks.”

“Got it,” Sehun says, recognizing this as her parting message and gathering his things, exiting her office quickly, all while holding back tears to the best of his ability.

If the secretary notices the stark redness around Sehun’s eyes, she doesn’t mention it.

-

Sehun’s next shift at the restaurant is awkward. Baekhyun walks in as usual and Sehun refuses to look at him. It feels like this has become the routine—ignore Baekhyun until he forces his hand and the two talk about something deep or something unrelated that ends in a deep moment. Sehun is exhausted. Being emotionally available and vulnerable comes with a lot of baggage, baggage that Sehun isn’t sure he’s ready to unload onto Baekhyun, no matter what kind words the other has for him.

Baekhyun clears his throat but doesn't say a word, pots and pans clanking around as usual as he gets to work. Sehun keeps his eyes pointedly forward, either staring at the wall or staring at his hands, soap running between his fingers as he rinses and tickling his skin, enough for him to smile on a good day, but he holds it back.

After another twenty minutes of uncomfortable quiet, Baekhyun finally heaves a sigh. “Okay,” he says loudly and Sehun jumps. “I feel like we’re moving around in circles, Sehun. We were in this same position just last week. I’m sick of it, aren't you?”  


Against his better judgement, Sehun nods. Baekhyun sighs again, though this one sounds a little more relieved.

“Cool, so…can we talk?” Baekhyun asks.

Sehun peaks at Baekhyun, glance shifty and slightly afraid. Logically, he knows Baekhyun is into him. He’d be hard pressed to find a guy willing to make out with him who isn't into him at least in some capacity. Baekhyun is so different from anything Sehun’s ever wanted before. He’s so confident and sure and _male_ , and while Sehun’s never doubted that he probably swings both ways, he definitely wasn't expecting to find himself with a crush on a college guy.

“Yeah,” Sehun whispers hoarsely and he can’t even hide the nervousness in his tone.

“Okay,” Baekhyun says, “we’ll talk after we finish. I don’t want to have to stay back here longer than we need to.”

Sehun nods. It sounds reasonable enough. “That’s fine with me.”

Then Baekhyun gives him a little smile, close-mouthed but still wide somehow, his eyes folding up and cheeks rounding out, like little apples. Sehun can’t help but smile back, keeping it more low-key. 

The rest of his shift passes gratingly slow and if Sehun and Baekhyun hadn't just talked about talking after this, he’d think Baekhyun is dragging this out on purpose. He watches Baekhyun wash a pot for a whole ten minutes, a far away look on his face as he runs the sponge across the same spot over and over, rubbing it completely clean and then some. 

Sehun, for his part, works relatively fast, finding himself ahead of Baekhyun for rinsing, when it’s usually the opposite, Baekhyun loading up his sink quickly and waiting for Sehun to work through the pile accumulated before working on another one, filling it up just as Sehun finishes the last of the previous pile. 

When Sehun finally signs himself out and grabs his stuff, Baekhyun follows behind him with a respectful gap between them. Sehun finds the distance cold, but doesn't comment on it. Sehun’s the one who keeps avoiding Baekhyun over and over again, it’s the least Baekhyun could do to give him a taste of his own medicine.

Sehun locks up and suddenly the two are outside. Baekhyun looks up at Sehun expectantly as Sehun shoves his hands in his pockets, mind completely empty as to how to begin the conversation.

“Am I wasting my time here?” Baekhyun blurts out, eyes widening. “You like me right? You like kissing me? Cause I like you and I _definitely_ like kissing you too. I think you’re really cute, I always have, but more than that I think you’re interesting. You’re so smart and you know a lot about the world, more than I do, that’s for sure.”

Floored, Sehun stares Baekhyun down, unable to form any words as a response.

“So I guess I’m at the point where I just want to know for sure. Am I wasting my time spending all this time with you? Signing out on time and staying back to wash dishes with you, not getting paid for it, telling you about myself, kissing you in the dark. Is it all for no reason? Should I just let it go and go back to how everything was before you got hired? Is that what you want me to do?”

Sehun thinks about everything Baekhyun’s done for him since he met him. He stays back to wash dishes to get it done in half the time, does it for absolutely no personal gain. He opens his ear and listens whenever Sehun feels like talking, which is almost never. He gives Sehun pretty smiles to look at and laughs like wind chimes and is very loud but still pleasant sounding to Sehun’s ears.

“I—“ Sehun starts, cutting himself off when he realizes his mouth isn't done flapping open and closed like a fish.

“Sehun,” Baekhyun says a lot more gently than earlier. “Do you even like me? What am I to you?”

And Sehun finds that the answer to that question comes easily, the words stolen from him like a breath after getting kicked in the stomach. They shoot out of him, unprepared and not unwanted, if Baekhyun’s hopeful expression is anything to go by.

“Everything,” Sehun breathes, “I mean, not _everything_ , we barely know each other. You’re a lot of things to me though and I…”

He lets himself trail off, his mind catching up with his mouth and the words stop shooting out of him without thought.

“I like you too, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun sighs, a soft exhale that turns into a thoughtful hum as he looks up at Sehun, regards him with eyes intent on reading Sehun. Whatever he sees is something Sehun can’t determine, always horrible at controlling his face and he isn't even sure what he wants his face to look like in this moment, aside from truthful and honest, whatever that looks like.

“That’s good,” Baekhyun murmurs softly, looking up through his lashes now, fluttering them wildly. Sehun gets distracted staring, not even realizing when they get closer and closer to him until Baekhyun is right up under his nose again, their lips meeting in a quiet, smooth kiss.

For a while, neither of them move, and from the outside it must look like a cheesy Disney kiss, where neither of the characters moves their lips and they just kind of stand there, holding the position until their necks hurt. But Sehun’s comfortable, letting himself get used to the weight of Baekhyun’s mouth on him, letting the moment freeze itself before he gets caught up like last time.

Eventually, Baekhyun tilts his head and the two start moving, lips gracing over each other with gentle care, taking their time, completely unlike the first time.

When they break off, Sehun’s breathing heavily, Baekhyun a tad bit more controlled. He’s still giving Sehun this look, one that seems to pierce Sehun and come out of the other side, the full effect to pass completely through his head.

“What do you want from this, Sehun?” Baekhyun asks. “Where do you want to go from here?”

It’s the million dollar question, one Sehun’s sure Jongin’s wanted to ask since Baekhyun went and told everyone that they kissed. Do they date? Do they hook up? They aren’t even friends—Sehun’s made sure of that ever since he realized his feelings for Baekhyun.

“I…” Sehun hesitates, his face pinching up under the pressure of Baekhyun’s gaze and the weight of the situation. “I don’t know what I want in general, let alone what I want from you. I just know that you shouldn't have to get caught up in…” Sehun gestures to himself, waving a hand up and down and flushing when Baekhyun follows his movement with his eyes. “…my whole mess.”

“Mess?” Baekhyun clarifies, eyebrow raised. “You mean you and Irene? The baby? All the other shit Jongin told us about that I _know_ you heard?” Sehun flushes again at the teasing glint in Baekhyun’s eyes, this conversation getting much more real than he had first anticipated, even knowing it would be about them. “Sehun, everyone has mess. _I_ have mess and let me tell you, I could care less about yours. My parents threw me out in high school, and they haven't paid a cent of my tuition since I started college, all because I’m gay. They hate it and don't want anything to do with me, so I’m all alone. Do _you_ have a problem with that?”

Sehun shakes his head meekly, already feeling like a chastised kindergartner.

“See?” Baekhyun says, a lot more gently. “My baggage isn’t as… _involved_ as yours but…it’s still baggage.”

Nodding, Sehun finally looks Baekhyun in the eye, overwhelmed by the gentleness. “Having a kid comes with a lot more baggage than homophobic parents do.”

“I know that,” Baekhyun says, “don’t you think I’ve thought about it? Believe me, I had to really figure my shit out too. If this is going anywhere, there’s gonna be a kid involved in my life some way or another. Even if you and Irene don’t keep your baby, aren't you also raising your sister? I knew I was signing up for something.”

“But—“ Sehun tries, but Baekhyun isn’t finished.

“Just because I’m not ready to tie myself down to all that responsibility, because I have to admit, I’m not, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to still kiss you and hold your hand. Maybe even go on dates and stuff. I don’t know, I want to get to know you, but who says we have to jump in all at once? We can take it super slow.”

“I think super slow is the only way I’m willing to and can take it at this point,” Sehun admits. 

Baekhyun exhales, Sehun hopes with relief. “That’s fine. I want to take it slow too. We barely know each other, Sehun. Getting to know each other in the first place doesn't mean that I need to be meeting the family and adopting the kids and all that. Keep me at a distance from all that, it’s fine, just don’t shut me out anymore. Not when we both know how we feel about each other.”

“Okay,” Sehun says quietly, and this time Baekhyun _does_ exhale with relief. 

“Okay,” Baekhyun repeats, drawing Sehun in and landing a light kiss on his lips, long enough to send shivers down Sehun’s spine, but not long enough to give him enough time to respond.

Baekhyun pulls away, a light flush to his cheeks, and Sehun smiles, trying to express some positive emotions after the loaded conversation. Baekhyun smiles back, a lot better at it than Sehun is, lips stretching out wide across his cheeks, nose scrunched up slightly.

“Do you want me to give you a ride back to your house?” Baekhyun asks, fingers twitching like he wants to hold his hand out for Sehun to take. If he had, Sehun would have.

Sehun shakes his head preemptively, already knowing his answer. “Nah, I’m good. I like the time to myself.”

Baekhyun nods in understanding. “Alright.”

“Hey,” Sehun says as Baekhyun turns and starts to walk away. “I wanted to ask you…how do you pay for school? If your parents aren’t helping you out?”

Baekhyun’s expression sours slightly, but not enough to concern Sehun, so he doesn't make a big deal out of it in his head. “I’m on a scholarship,” he says truthfully. “A big one. One that, if I lose it, I’m out. Also a shit ton of financial aid. I’m just lucky those both were enough for me not to have to take out loans. With tuition costs being what they are, I’d be paying loans off well into my thirties.”

“Right,” Sehun replies awkwardly. He asked out of curiosity, yes, and concern for Baekhyun, but also for an underlying, itching desire he still has to go to college. Still, Sehun knows there’s no financial aid office in the world that would give him all the money he needs, and even if a college took him in with the grades he has, they sure as shit wouldn't offer him up a scholarship big enough to cover his tuition without loans.

Baekhyun takes Sehun’s question at face value though, he can tell because he doesn't have a super sympathetic expression on his face like Jongin does whenever he talks about his excitement for dorm life next year. Baekhyun takes the few steps between them to plant one last kiss on Sehun’s lips, soft and sweet, pulling away far too fast for Sehun’s liking and giving him another full-cheeked smile.

“I’ll see you soon, Sehun,” he says softly, smile stuck on his face.

“Okay,” Sehun replies, slightly stilted but not as bad as it could be, a victory in Sehun’s eyes.

He watches Baekhyun walk away again, though this time, he isn't worried about the next interaction they’ll have. Instead, he’s looking forward to it.

-

Sehun can feel something wrong the moment he steps inside his house. Closing the door behind him and flicking the lock, he tip-toes around the kitchen, trying not to make any noise as he searches for the source of the charged air he senses.

Creeping down the hallway, Sehun still doesn’t have his answer, so he tries to relax himself, opening the door to his room and shutting it almost silently. Turning around, he nearly jumps out of his skin when he sees Irene standing in the middle of the room, eyes locked onto Sehun’s.

“Irene?” Sehun whispers, peaking around her and seeing Nari curled up in the blankets, dead asleep. “What’s wrong? Did something happen tonight?”

“I—“ Irene starts, her voice breaking, and Sehun realizes she’s crying. “I-I’m trying to…I don’t know what’s…I can’t breathe.”

“What?” Sehun steps closer slowly and his shoe squishes on the carpet when he stands right in front of Irene. Without looking down to find the source, Sehun keeps eye contact with Irene. Placing his hands on her face, he realizes her cheeks are extremely warm to the touch and Sehun can feel her heartbeat underneath her skin. It’s too fast.

Irene trembles in Sehun’s grip. “I’m in a lot of pain, Sehun,” she says, and Sehun’s never heard her voice so wobbly. “I was on my way to get somebody. Something…feels _wrong_.”

Heart now thudding in his ribcage, Sehun removes his hands from Irene’s face and looks down. Irene has a hand on her stomach, fingers clenched tight around the fabric of Sehun’s tee shirt that she chose to sleep in. When Sehun shifts his weight to his other foot, his shoe squishes again and terror floods through Sehun’s system when he looks down and sees a dark stain spreading throughout the carpet underneath them.

“How long have you been standing here, Irene?” Sehun asks.

“I can’t—“ Irene cuts herself off as she inhales sharply, the hand on her stomach shaking intensely. “I’ve been trying to move for—I can barely _breathe_.”

Sehun looks at the bed once again, sighing with relief when he realizes Nari hasn't woken up yet. He looks back at Irene, at her hand and then the carpet, thoughts swimming unhelpfully in his head. As his eyes dart around the room, he sees his lamp and before he can think to say anything else, he marches over to it determinedly and turns the lamp on.

When Sehun turns back around, he takes Irene’s state in once more. It’s easier to tell that something’s wrong when he’s not standing in pitch black darkness. Irene’s face is as pale as a sheet, sweat gathering in clumps at her temples and running down her cheeks in rivulets that Sehun knows must gross her out. His shirt is clinging to her back, a dark spot covering the area. Her knuckles are clenched tight, colored white from the force of her grip on her shirt, her other hand clenched in a fist by her side.

Sehun’s eyes travel down, and his heart stops beating when he sees the red running down Irene’s legs, like a low pressure faucet that won’t turn off. It smears the insides of her thighs and pools around her ankles, nearly covering the tops of her feet and forming a huge puddle on the carpet around her.

It’s blood. Irene’s bleeding. Profusely.

As Sehun’s eyes trail back to the bed, he nearly vomits when he realizes the very same sheets that Nari’s tangled up in are stained bright red too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :(( 
> 
> hopefully i'll see you guys soon with another update. i have most of it outlined and nothing but time with being stuck at home in quarantine, so it should be out within the next two weeks.
> 
> come follow me on twitter @ suhyeols if you wanna hang out or yell at me, i'm open to either. and make sure to leave a comment letting me know what you think! comments keep my head on straight as i try to crank this next chapter out as soon as possible.


	8. eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back? already? is this witchcraft?

chapter eight.

It’s soul-crushing.

Irene gets hooked up to so many monitors that Sehun loses count, stuck with so many needles and has so much blood drawn that he swears there’s none left in her body. She bled so much in the car on the way over, through every towel Sehun brought for her, and his hands are covered in red to show for it, stained through to the cracks in his skin, caking up and getting everywhere he touches.

Irene passes out on the way to the hospital, head lolled against the car window, cheeks splotched red from the pain but lips tinted white from the blood loss. Sehun sits next to her in the backseat and tries to wake her back up while his mom drives as quickly as possible, still wearing her pajamas after being woken from a dead sleep by a son wailing that something is wrong.

Doctors flood in and out, nurses right behind them, grabbing clipboards and taking notes and checking machines, bringing in new syringes every time Irene’s vitals so much as blink in one direction. Sehun stands against the wall, helpless, as Sehun’s mom tries to explain to the nurses what the situation was when she was woken up.

Irene, covered in blood, dragging herself across the floor trying to reach Sehun, rivers of blood soaking their floors behind her everywhere she went. Sehun tries not to think about how his mother seemed more upset by being woken up and the blood stains on the carpet than she was by the state of the mother of her son’s child.

In the end, Irene is sedated—not too heavily, given her condition—and being kept on bed rest, the bleeding finally under control, clots found and stopped, heart rate being monitored by the second, looking for any tells.

They don’t lose the baby.

“Your body has been under a lot of physical stress recently,” a kind doctor explains once Irene wakes up, groggy and panicked, feeling around for her baby bump and hoping it’s still there. “Have you been under any stressors mentally or emotionally? Sometimes that triggers physical responses such as these.”

Irene and Sehun share a look. “I haven’t been anything _but_ stressed these days,” Irene admits quietly. 

“Well, in any case,” the doctor continues, “it’s very concerning to see that level of bleeding at twenty-six weeks. By now, bleeding of that nature usually ends in loss of the pregnancy. Thankfully, we were able to keep it viable, but we don’t want to risk this happening again. If you’re under a lot of stress, I would highly recommend bed rest for the rest of your pregnancy. You’re in the home stretch, it’s important you take care of yourself and keep yourself out of situations that could harm you or your baby.”

“She’s a full-time student,” Sehun says immediately, “she goes to school everyday for eight hours, how is she gonna be able to continue with that?”

Irene gives Sehun another significant look, then turns back around towards the doctor. “Would switching to online classes for the rest of the semester be something I should seriously consider?”

“I would recommend and support that, most definitely,” the doctor says carefully, clearly sensing the tension between Sehun and Irene. “There’s no way you’ll be able to sustain a full school day after this episode. I wouldn’t advise going back to school at all until the baby’s born.”

“Alright,” Irene says, her tone clearly triumphant, “I can arrange that.”

Sehun’s mom meets them in the waiting room. She looks exhausted, which Sehun understands, given that he woke her from a dead sleep right after she came home from a long shift at this very hospital. 

“All done?” she asks, eyeing Irene in her wheelchair warily.

“Yep,” Sehun responds, pushing Irene out the hospital doors and out to the car. Sehun’s mom gets in the driver’s seat, closing the door and turning the car on effectively. Sehun helps Irene into the backseat, cringing at the towels sitting on the floor of the car, the material stiff with dried blood, light blue permanently stained red. Once Irene is seated, Sehun pushes the wheelchair towards the nurse that walks out with them, smiling kindly at her before walking around and getting in the backseat next to Irene.

The drive takes about twenty minutes. Once they get there, Irene immediately gets out of the car, walking towards the house. “I need a nap,” she mumbles quietly when Sehun tries to ask. 

“Mom, can I talk to you?” Sehun asks just as his mom locks the car and starts making her way to the house.

Turning around on her heels, his mother faces him with a tired expression. “Sehun, I’m exhausted. I have a shift in five hours. What do you want?”

“Um,” he starts, shifty. He hears his mother sigh heavily and kicks himself into gear. “Okay! Um, is there any time soon you think you can set aside to meet with my guidance counselor? She called me in yesterday. I don’t think I’m gonna graduate.”

“Sehun,” his mother sighs, leaning against the car. She digs around in her purse and pulls out a cigarette, lighting it and taking a few puffs. “I think you know the answer to that question.”

Sehun’s heart sinks. Of course he _knew_ finding time to come to school would be difficult for either of his parents, his mother especially, given her long hours, but the fact that she doesn't bother to make an effort stings. Sehun’s lived a life of neglect, he knows that, but this is a new level. His mother just found out that her son isn't going to be graduating high school and she doesn't even attempt to carve out a time to go see someone.

“D-do you know when Jinwoo will be home? I’m gonna try and ask him. I know dad is a no-go,” Sehun says quietly, trying to keep his voice from wavering.

His mom takes a few longer puffs from her cigarette, eyes closed. “I have no idea. Check and see if he wrote something on the fridge. I don’t…” she trails off, looking tired, and Sehun feels guilty for waking her up instead of his dad. “I can’t really think right now. I’m too tired.”

“Okay,” he placates. “It’s not a problem.”

“Maybe it’s time you thought about dropping out,” Sehun’s mom says casually, blowing smoke out of her mouth and nose and looking like she hasn't just delivered the worst possible blow to Sehun yet.

Drop out? What about college? What about doing everything he's always dreamed of? Moving out and into a dorm, experiencing the college life like what he’s seen in the movies. What about Baekhyun? Baekhyun will be a senior by the time Sehun starts college, but the two can really focus on their…whatever it is they're doing.

“Really?” Sehun doesn't try to hide how his voice wobbles this time. His mother doesn't hear it, regardless.

“You could get a full-time job, a well paying one,” she mumbles on, oblivious to Sehun’s distress. “Work with your father or your brother or get a job a city over. Whatever’s gonna bring in the most money for this family.”

“But—“ Sehun cuts himself off. He doesn't want to work in a factory like his father, losing a leg and being forced to take job pumping gas, a job he can easily do sitting on a stool, his stump dangling off the side. He doesn't want to work in the mines like his brother, coming home everyday with blackened skin and coal in his lungs. He wants to keep working at the convenience store, keep washing dishes with Baekhyun, wants to go to college on all the financial aid he can get, make good money during for his baby. He wants to say all of this, wants his mother to know that he has bigger plans outside of this, that he wants a real life. “Okay, maybe,” he says instead.

His mother hands her cigarette off, hiking her purse up her shoulder. “I’m gonna try to get some sleep before my shift,” she says.

Sehun leans against the car and finishes off her cigarette, taking long breaks in between puffs and watching the cigarette burn away. His mother slams the door when she walks back inside, an indication of her frustration with Sehun, but he can’t be bothered to care. Taking a long puff, he holds it in for as long as he can before blowing it all out, lungs burning at the exercise. Moments later, Jinwoo storms out of the house, coveralls and work boots on. 

“Fuck you,” he spits out as he passes Sehun. “I had to take the morning off to watch Nari. Where the fuck were all of you?”

“Irene had to go the hospital,” Sehun replies quietly, having no qualms about blowing smoke in Jinwoo’s face. “It was bad. We could've lost the baby. Mom had to drive us over there in the middle of the night.”

Jinwoo startles, clearly not expecting the explanation to be anywhere near that serious. “Well,” he says, clearly thrown, “ _someone_ could've stayed home. Mom didn't have work and you can drive. Those are hours I’m never getting back, Sehun. The mines aren't open all day like you're little convenience store.”

_Then where the fuck are you all day?_ Sehun wants to ask.

“Whatever, Jinwoo,” Sehun mutters, taking another puff.

Jinwoo stands and stares for a moment, taking Sehun in with an incredulous expression on his face, before he scoffs, spitting on the ground as he walks by. Sehun takes one last puff and stomps out his cigarette, kicking it into a crack in the driveway and walking inside.

-

Nari isn't feeling well the next morning. Irene wakes Sehun up in a panic, thinking she's bleeding again because of how damp her tee shirt is. When Sehun turns the lamp on, they realize it’s Nari sweating, getting it all over Irene as she tries to cuddle closer, whining high in her sleep.

Sehun stays home from school to take care of her, Irene in no position to during her bed rest. Sehun keeps them as separated as possible, letting Irene spend the day in Sehun’s bed while Sehun tries to entertain Nari in the living room, battling a fever and having nothing to treat her with. Sehun leaves the door to his bedroom open, so that Irene isn't completely isolated, and finds himself walking back and forth between the two all day, bringing Irene ice to chew on when she gets hot and changing the channel for a better cartoon for Nari.

Thankfully, Nari’s fever has broken by the end of the day, and she’s returned to her happy, bubbling self, completely content to sit on the bed with Irene and play with her stuffed animal, using Irene’s baby bump as a bridge that her pony crosses.

“I need to go somewhere to get food,” Sehun announces. 

Nari continues playing as if Sehun hadn't said a thing, while Irene looks up, expression still fond from when she was watching Nari, and nods. “Okay. What were you planning on getting?”

“Some boxed dinners,” Sehun replies. “More mac and cheese for Nari, maybe something cheap for a dessert for her. Also bread. We don't have any.”

“Okay,” Irene says again. “Can you bring Nari? I’d rather her be with you if something happens or she starts to feel bad again. I can’t move and I don’t want to be stuck in bed with her watching her suffer.”

Sehun nods. “That’s what I was thinking anyways.”

“I’m sorry,” Irene says, frown etched into her face. “I hate being like this. It was a win in terms of moving to online class, but it was really scary. I hate that I’m stuck in here all useless now.”

“You’re not useless,” Sehun says as he walks over, scooping Nari into his arms and smiling at her loud squeal of delight. “You’re growing a baby right now. That’s a very important job.”

Irene rolls her eyes. “Yeah, one that I’m _terrible_ at,” she huffs. “I landed myself in the hospital yesterday from stressing out too much, the one thing you're _not_ supposed to do while pregnant.”

“You can’t help it,” Sehun replies in good nature. “You’re a worry wart. You suck the life out of everything worrying about it.”

“Ha ha,” Irene drones, smiling at Nari when she flips around to make a big show for her, waving and beaming and giggling like a mad man.

Sehun tightens his hold on Nari, flipping her back around so that she’s seated on his hip, arms wrapped tight around his neck. “I’m leaving now. If you need something, don’t.” He can’t help but laugh at the expression on Irene’s face as she flips him off for his comment.

Slipping on his shoes and grabbing his keys, Sehun’s out the door and walking towards the bus stop, Nari still barefoot and clutching her stuffed pony. Nari’s feet hardly ever touch the floor when Sehun’s with her, so not wearing shoes isn't much of an issue.

He takes the bus to the convenience store, smiling and nodding at the tired looking bus driver on his way off. When he steps inside, he greets the girl working the register, some sophomore he thinks he goes to school with that he’s worked shifts with before, and heads towards the back of the store, where the freezers are. The boxed dinners are all stacked in the corner of the store, ranging from chicken fried rice to burgers to soup and salad. Sehun picks up a couple burger boxes—Irene’s been craving them lately and can eat her way through two of them easily, always asking for more—picking up a chicken fried rice box for himself. Balancing the dinners with one arm and Nari with the other, he ventures back into the regular aisles.

“Daddy,” Nari whines just as Sehun reaches the mac and cheese, taking him from his thought process of how to pick up the mac and cheese without letting his sister’s bare feet touch the dirty, un-mopped floor of the convenience store.

“Yeah, Nari,” Sehun answers carefully, trying to gauge what might be wrong.

Nari sniffles, burying her face in Sehun’s neck. “I dropped Willow.”

Closing his eyes, Sehun sighs. Willow is the stuffed pony. The stuffed pony that Nari has apparently dropped. Sehun looks around the aisle, not seeing it on the floor anywhere. “When’d you drop it, honey?” he asks as calmly as possible.

“I don’t remember,” Nari answers, and her voice would be adorable if she wasn't absolutely ruining Sehun’s afternoon.

“Okay,” he says placatingly. “We’ll walk around and look for it then, alright?”

Nari nods into Sehun’s neck, so Sehun starts walking up and down the aisles, covering every one, even though he marched straight to the back. The entire time, Sehun doesn't see Willow the pony, and he begins to think that Nari may have dropped it on the bus, and it could be across town by now, meeting up with the ponies in the suburbs and having a grand old time.

“Daddy, did you find it?” Nari peaks her head out from the crook of Sehun’s neck and shoulder, nose red as her eyes start to water. Sehun panics, if Nari has a meltdown in the middle of the store, there’s absolutely no one in sight to help him out, and his home is several bus stops away. It’s a recipe for disaster.

“Not yet, baby,” Sehun answers, “I’m still look…ing.”

His last word trails and stops awkwardly as Sehun rounds the corner, coming face to face with Jongin, Jongdae and Baekhyun. Baekhyun has something in his hand, and when Sehun looks closer, he realizes it’s Willow, the stupid fucking pony that almost cost Sehun his sanity for the evening.

“Willow!” Nari screeches, trying to throw herself out of Sehun’s arms. “Daddy, that man has Willow!”

Sehun winces, watching as his friends all flinch at the sudden volume of Nari’s voice, before looking around and realizing that the pony in Baekhyun’s hand is meant to be Willow.

“Oh!” Baekhyun startles, stepping forward and holding the pony out. “I’m so sorry, I found Willow on the floor earlier and didn't want to leave it. It seemed really sad down there by itself, so I was trying to keep it company until you found it again. Is that okay?”

Baekhyun’s holding his hand out expectantly, gentle smile on his face. Nari regards him with suspicion, but eventually snatches Willow from hi, cradling the pony with both arms. Sehun grimaces as he watches her rub her face against the pony’s fur. Baekhyun just said he found it on the _floor_. She’ll be due for a thorough bath when they get home.

“What do you say?” Sehun gently chides.

Nari looks up, a questioning look on her face before she startles with realization. “Oh! Thank you for finding Willow! And bringing her to me!”

“You’re very welcome,” Baekhyun replies kindly.

Sehun stands awkwardly, watching as his friends individually struggle with figuring out what to do next, Jongdae’s eyes shifting between Sehun and Baekhyun, anything but subtle. Jongin just stands to the side, eyes unblinking as he thinks. Sehun can see the shift when Jongin finally gets an idea, stepping forward and holding his arms out, smile wide and taking over his face.

“Is that _Nari_?” Jongin asks exaggeratedly. He steps closer and gasps, beaming even wider. “It is! I can’t believe it’s really you!”

“Do you remember Jongin?” Sehun asks quietly. “He used to come over all the time when you were a baby. He and I used to throw you around the backyard and play catch with you. Remember?”

He knows Nari doesn’t, she was way too young to retain any of those memories, but one look at Jongin’s pretty smile and Nari melts. “Hi!” she yells excitedly, already trying to wiggle out of Sehun’s arms, and before Sehun can drop his boxed dinners to hold her properly, Jongin scoops her up, cradling her close to him.

“Princess Nari!” he announces dramatically, rocking her in his arms and drawing delighted giggles out of her. Sehun clutches the boxed dinners closer to him now, watching the two with a small smile on his face.

“Been awhile, Sehun,” Jongdae greets, walking forward and clapping his hand on Sehun’s shoulder. “How you been?”

Sehun smiles. “I’ve been better,” he says honestly. “Irene had to go to the hospital the other day. It was a mess.”

“Oh my God,” Jongin replies, properly horrified, “is she okay?”

“Yeah,” Sehun replies. “She was bleeding really bad when I got home from work. It was so fucking scary, man. She looked like Carrie. She’s on bed rest now, everything’s all good.”

Jongin nods, satisfied, before turning back to Nari and cooing. Jongdae distracts himself with Nari as well, making funny faces over Jongin’s shoulder.

“The baby?” Baekhyun asks quietly, drawing Sehun’s attention away. “Is the baby alright?”

Sehun is touched. “Yeah,” he replies as warmly as possible. “The baby’s fine. She still has a few weeks left to cook, so the doctor ordered for Irene to basically do absolutely nothing until her due date.”

“Wait,” Jongin interrupts. “ _She_? Since when did you know you and Irene were having a girl?”

“I—“

“How _long_ have you known that you’re gonna have a _daughter_?” Jongin asks, voice cutting much harsher than Sehun expects. In his arms, Nari frowns, and Sehun almost moves to take her back, but he figures it would just make things look worse.

Baekhyun tentatively places a hand on Sehun’s arm. “It probably just slipped his mind…right?” Giving Sehun a pointed look, it’s clear what answer he’s hoping to get out of Sehun.

“Only a few weeks,” Sehun replies. “I…well, Irene hasn't said a word about what she wants to do after so…I don’t really talk about it. No use thinking about one scenario when another one is just as likely to happen.”

Jongin smiles, but it’s tight. “I get that,” he says, even though there’s just no way he does. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Sehun says immediately, wanting to get rid of the tension as soon as possible.

The silence that hangs between everyone is much more weighted now, with an awkward and slightly crackling energy that leaves Sehun breathless and wanting to just take Nari and leave. He can give Irene a piss poor explanation as to why he wasn't able to make it back with food for the three of them.

“You here buying dinner?” Jongdae finally asks, gesturing to the boxed dinners still tucked under Sehun’s arm.

Sehun nods. Jongin’s eyes shift to the floor.

“Uh,” Jongdae utters intelligently. Baekhyun cracks and starts laughing, shoving his palm over his mouth and trying to quiet the noises, but failing. Sehun smiles at the sound, refusing to look over at Baekhyun and fall victim to the same attack he’s fallen under. Jongdae watches on with uncertainty while Jongin looks at Sehun a little too knowingly, the tension finally bleeding from his shoulders, mirth replacing anger.

“What all do you still need? Nari doesn't eat that stuff yet, does she?” Jongin asks, voice returned to normal.

Sehun smiles gratefully, happy to have his friend back. “Yeah, most of these are for Irene. She’s a bottomless pit at this point. It’s burning a hole straight through my wallet, even with the discount I get here.”

“We’ll stay with you while you finish shopping,” Jongin offers, a gentle smile on his face. “Keep you company.”

“Um, sure,” Sehun replies, a little stunted, but it’s better than the reply Jongin was expecting if his responding grin is anything to go by. He plants a kiss in Nari’s hair, swinging her around a little as he coos in her ear, mindless nonsense that Sehun hopes isn’s completely and utterly deranged. Spending the evening talking Nari down from whatever crazy ideas Jongin has planted in her head doesn't sound like a particularly fun experience.

They move as a small pack, Sehun walking back to the aisle with the cups of mac and cheese, deducing that it’s cheaper to buy the six pack than it is to buy four individual cups, so he grabs a six pack and grins widely at the cheers Nari and Jongin offer on the side, Nari happy to get her favorite meal and Jongin offering emotional support.

Sehun grabs a loaf of bread—white, it’s the cheapest kind, even though it makes Sehun wince at the thought of feeding it to Nari—two packs of PopTarts, and a small jar of peanut butter when Nari starts whining and saying “please, please, please,” in her sweet voice. He pays for everything, making sure the girl behind the counter swipes his employee ID for the discount, watching as his total drops significantly. He fishes around in his wallet for enough bills, pulling out a crumpled ten, two fives and six ones, shoving them all over and hoping it’s enough. Sehun wants to cry with relief when the girl hands back five dollars, putting the rest of his nearly ruined bills in the register drawer. He grabs his bag, grabs Nari back from Jongin, and waits for the three to pay for their stuff, their total stash ending up being a couple packs of gum and soda.

Sehun walks with them outside and fidgets awkwardly. He knows, in all likelihood, they took a car to the convenience store. The walk is a long one from Jongin’s house, and campus is on the other side of town altogether. He doesn't want to be the first to leave, but it’s getting dark fast, and the buses are few and far between at this hour. He needs to get home, feed Nari and Irene and try and get a good night’s rest to get ready to do it all tomorrow.

“Sehun,” Jongdae starts lightly, scuffing his shoes against the sidewalk. Jongin and Baekhyun wait behind him, hands in their pockets with matching looks of expectation. “I drove everyone here. We can…we can give you and Nari a ride if you want.”

Sehun smiles at the offer, but immediately rejects it. “I’m good,” he replies. “The bus stop is just over there. A bus should be coming soon.”

“Okay,” Jongdae replies. “If there isn't one, call me. I’ll come pick you up, no problem. We’re in the area tonight.

“Got it,” Sehun says, “thanks.” He shifts Nari higher onto his hip, reaching up with the hand holding his back of food to wave at everyone. “See you guys later. Say bye, Nari.”

“Bye!” Nari screeches. The others laugh while Sehun winces, his ear ringing.

Thankfully, Sehun and Nari don't have to wait long at the bus stop, a bus approaching just minutes after Sehun sits down. From there, the ride seems short, Sehun staring out the window the entire time, Nari asleep in his lap. Like muscle memory, Sehun gets off the bus at the right stop, not needing to look twice before he walks the familiar trek back to his house. He let’s himself in, takes in the quiet and realizes that no one bothered to come home.

Nari wakes up soon after, whining about being hungry, so Sehun fixes everyone’s dinners, microwaving his and Irene’s boxed dinners and Nari’s mac and cheese. He takes it all back to his room, where Nari and Irene wait on the bed together, cheering when they see the food Sehun’s brought with him. Dinner is relatively quiet, Irene biting almost violently into her burgers, Sehun trying to savor every bite of his chicken fried rice while Nari tries her best not to make a mess on the sheets, needing to be moved to the floor after a few too many almost accidents.

Irene falls asleep quickly after that, leaving Sehun to clear everyone’s trash away from his room. He stands in the kitchen for a moment, eyeing the loaf of bread, peanut butter and PopTarts that he left out on the kitchen counter. Normally, all the food available in the house is displayed right where everyone can see it, unless it needs to be refrigerated or frozen. Sehun knows that, should anyone come home tonight, they’d have no qualms about taking the PopTarts Sehun bought today and eating them faster than Sehun can explain that they’re for him and Irene’s breakfast. He wouldn't put it past his mother, father or brother to do that, and it’s for that reason that he scoops all three items up and brings them back to his room, hiding them with some of Nari’s toys that he keeps tucked away so his room doesn't get too messy.

Bathing Nari is an affair. She’s feeling very playful and wants Sehun to come and join her. Sehun’s patience runs thin as Nari continues to play, splashing so much water over the edge of the bath and taking Sehun’s sanity with it. It takes well over and hour to get her washed and cleaned, cried off and dressed while the bathtub drains. Sehun leaves Nari’s dirty towel on the floor by the bathtub to hopefully soak up as much of the spilled bathwater at possible. If Jinwoo slips and dies while trying to take a piss in the middle of the night, it’s not concern of Sehun’s.

Sehun finally puts Nari to bed beside Irene, the two automatically seeking each other out, even in sleep. Sehun changes, brushes his teeth and washes his face, returning to his bedroom and laying out on the floor. It’s way too early for him to even be remotely tired enough to go to bed, so he grabs Irene’s phone from the nightstand, unplugging it and unlocking it, opening up a game to try and tire himself out.

Later, when Sehun’s eyes are closing on their own accord, too heavy to stay open, he plugs Irene’s phone back in, turning over and shoving his face into his pillow. A buzzing next to his head keeps him awake though, and he rolls back over to see his phone laid out on the ground, cracked screen lit up.

Sehun picks up his phone and barely makes out the messages displayed through the cracked, scratched up plastic, but what he reads makes his heart beat a little faster than usual.

_hey_

_jongin gave me ur number_

_i hope u don’t think that’s weird_

_i liked seeing u today_

_lmk if u wanna meet up sometime, just us two??_

_oh this is baekhyun btw_

With a smile on his face, Sehun shuts his phone off and turns back over, sleep coming to him easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed! leave a comment with your thoughts and follow me on twitter @ suhyeols where i've joined weishennies demon cult and am having a good time playing the exo purge game :)


	9. nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey you guys!! i wanted to get this out yesterday, but it was my birthday and i just didn't end up finishing it until today. i hope you enjoy :))
> 
> a note before we start:  
> we've gone from 15 to 12 chapters. i realized that, as i finish outlining this story, that in order to keep the chapter count at 15, i would have to stretch out a LOT of material. that means more filler and less substantial writing on my part. so in order to keep the integrity and quality of the story, i've shortened the chapter count. 
> 
> without further ado, the chapter!

chapter nine.

“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?” Sehun asks for the fourth time.

From the bed, Irene sags back into the pillows and rolls her eyes. “For the last time, _yes_ , I’ll be fine! Nari’s all good in bed with me for the time being, and if she wakes up while you’re gone she can just play with some of the shit you’re always buying her. We’ll _both_ be fine.”

Sehun sighs, looking at the floor and feeling like an ass. “But are you _sure_? I can stay here, you know I don’t mind.”

“You’re only gonna be gone for a couple hours, right?” Irene asks.

“I swear, I’ll be home before you guys can even start to miss me,” Sehun replies, with the seriousness of a promise. 

Irene rolls her eyes again. “Okay, buddy,” she drawls, pretending to inspect her nails with an air of superiority that Sehun knows she’s pulling out of her ass just for the effect. “Like we were gonna miss you at all.”

Sehun smiles pleasantly while holding up his middle finger, teasing. The two look at each other in silence for awhile, Sehun standing somewhat awkwardly in his bedroom doorway still. Eventually, the smiles fade from their faces, and Sehun has to turn his gaze over to Nari to avoid staring too deeply into Irene’s soul. The air quickly sours with an odd tension that Sehun would rather just get rid of altogether.

“She’ll be fine,” Irene says quietly, misinterpreting Sehun’s look as one of worry as opposed to the contemplation it actually was. “I know what I’m doing with her.”

“I know,” Sehun replies quickly, leaving no room for any of that kind of thinking. “I didn't doubt it for a second. You’ve always been good with her, ever since you moved in.”

Irene smiles thankfully, taking a look at Nari herself before fixing her gaze back on Sehun. “Seriously, go Sehun. Go have fun doing…whatever.”

She leaves the sentence open, an offer for Sehun to fill in the blank. Sehun smiles at his sudden compulsion to do it, to let Irene know just who he’ll be spending the next three hours with, just what that someone means to him, what they’re trying to build. His compulsion wins him over in the end.

“I’m going on a date,” Sehun mutters, looking back down at the floor.

The space between them crackles with something, surprise, tension, anger, whatever it is. Sehun forces himself to look back up and finds Irene staring at him with the gentlest expression he's ever seen directed at himself. He’s seen a similar look on Jongin’s mother when she’s in the middle of doting on her two sons, on his fourth grade teacher who pried a little too deep into his home life, getting a little too invested in the boy from the wrong side of the tracks with ribs that poked through his skin. He’s even seen that look on Irene herself, when she’s looking at Irene or her bump, and it stands to reason that Irene is something of a mothering presence in Sehun’s life, despite being younger than him. Having that look directed at him does something to Sehun, something he doesn't quite understand but doesn't necessarily need to. He enjoys it all the same.

“Well,” Irene finally says, her voice thick with emotion, “have fun on your _date_ then.”

Sehun’s relieved to hear a teasing lilt to her voice, because it would have killed him to hear jealousy or bitterness in her tone, something colored in green that would've made Sehun sick to his stomach to think about. He and Irene have never talked about what the two of them are, if there’s even anything left between them to talk about, but Sehun has been operating under the assumption that, no matter what, they would never go anywhere beyond being friends. With the way they started, it seemed only natural for their hookup to send them back to just being two people that smiled and waved at each other when they saw each other, never moving beyond that. 

But after everything happening the way it did, Irene getting pregnant and subsequently kicked out of her home, having to move in with Sehun and sleeping in the same room as him, the two of them raising his younger sister together. Having feelings for each other would make sense. And although Sehun has never felt that way about Irene, he still held onto the hope that Irene felt the same way about him, for there to be no residual hookup feelings between them, and for both of them to be content with keeping things the way they are.

Hearing Irene tease him for going on a date, and sounding _happy_ while doing it, it did weird things to Sehun’s heart. He never thought he would have someone so close to him the way Irene is, and he can’t be more thankful for her wanting to be just his friend, for supporting him during this in a way only a good friend can. Irene’s steady presence in Sehun’s life has become a necessary one, one that he welcomes with open arms.

“Okay,” Sehun finally says, “then I’m gonna head out now, alright? I’m bringing my phone, so just let me know if there’s anything you need while I’m out.”

“Ooh, make your date buy something covered in chocolate,” Irene teases, giant grin on her face. “I’ve been craving it for months and now’s my chance! I don’t care if you have to seduce them to do it, I need that chocolate.”

Sehun laughs. “I’ll see what I can do. See you.”

Baekhyun’s waiting for him in his car on the side of the road by the bus stop. It’s the closest he’s letting Baekhyun get to seeing his house, and he knows for a fact that Baekhyun won’t be able to see him leave his house from where he’s parked, so he locks the door and kicks rocks down the cracked pathway without worrying about Baekhyun realizing what a dump Sehun lives in and dumping him immediately afterwards.

When he gets close enough, he can see Baekhyun’s giant, beaming smile, even through the tinted windows of his old car, watching Sehun with eyes that send shivers down his spine. He isn't sure if he’s underdressed—Baekhyun refused to tell him where he was taking him—so he hopes black skinny jeans that are a size too small and cut off above his ankles and the nicest shirt he could find in his closet, a plain light blue shirt that hasn't been stained or destroyed in another way yet, will suffice. His shoes are practically falling off his feet, but there’s nothing he can do about that, unless he breaks out the duct tape sometime soon.

“Hey!” Baekhyun chirps as Sehun opens the passenger door and slides in, long legs scrunching up in the small floor space before the glove compartment. Clearly whoever rode in this car before Sehun was well under six feet, judging by how little space Sehun has to breathe as he tries to settle in. “Oh shit, wait,” Baekhyun says, leaning across the center console and over Sehun’s lap, reaching his arm around and behind Sehun’s seat, before his arm jerks and Sehun’s seat goes flying backwards, giving him plenty of leg room.

“Oh!” Sehun exclaims as the seat moves suddenly, looking over at Baekhyun with wide eyes. Baekhyun giggles cutely, sitting back in his own seat. Sehun reaches over to find the bar Baekhyun pulled and adjusts the seat a little better, moving it to around midway between where it was and where Baekhyun set it, so far back it was like he was sitting in the backseat.

“Hey,” Baekhyun says again, a lot gentler this time, face looking all kinds of fond and sending warmth throughout Sehun’s body.

Sehun fights off a blush. “Hello,” he greets back, super gentle as well. “How are you?”

“I’m great,” Baekhyun smiles. “You?”

“Never better,” Sehun allows himself to say, knowing he made the right decision when Baekhyun’s eyes scrunch up from smiling so wide. “Where are we going?” Sehun asks, buckling up.

Baekhyun’s eyes twinkle with mischief. “It’s a surprise,” he says. “Don’t worry, you’ll like it.”

Baekhyun drives them across town, well past anything familiar to Sehun in terms of scenery. He doesn’t recognize where they are at all, which feeds his curiosity and also makes his heart beat just a little bit faster.

“Are you driving me out to kill me?” Sehun asks playfully.

“Yes,” Baekhyun responds solemnly. “That’s exactly what I’m doing. You caught me. I guess this date is gonna end a lot quicker than I thought it would.”

Sehun’s breath catches at hearing Baekhyun call it a date. He knew that this hangout wasn’t entirely platonic, but to hear Baekhyun put the official label on it warms something in Sehun’s chest, making him feel lightheaded and euphoric.

Eventually, Baekhyun pulls into a dingy parking lot, the road underneath them paved but heavily cracked and practically ripping apart under the force of Baekhyun’s tires. Baekhyun parks the car and turns to Sehun with a wide, maniacal grin, and the joke is writing itself at this point. It looks like a place to be brought to before being murdered. 

Sehun tells Baekhyun this, but the other simply laughs it off, unbuckling his seatbelt and turning to face Sehun fully. Sehun follows, and the two sit facing each other.

After a moment of somewhat awkward silence, Baekhyun’s smile falters slightly. “You have no idea where we are, do you?”

Sehun looks out the car window, trying to gauge if they’re actually at an establishment. The lot is gross, but it’s packed, filled with a bunch of minivans and sedans. “Um…” Sehun trails off, looking at the man building in facing the lot. There aren’t any signs indicating what the building actually is, but Sehun can see that it’s lit inside, colorful lights reflecting out of the window.

“I had a little help planning this,” Baekhyun admits. “I kinda had no idea where to take you. You don’t seem like the type of person to like big, fancy gestures, so I didn’t wanna overdo it and embarrass the both of us. I asked Jongin what I should do instead. He said when you guys were kids there was always one place you wanted to go that you never were able to, so I took you here today.”

Sehun’s eyes widen as he looks over at Baekhyun. “Are we at the arcade?”

When Sehun was a child, he and Jongin always talked about going to the arcade, just like every other kid in their classes. The only difference was that Jongin and the other kids actually got to go, bringing back the trinkets and stuffed animals that they won with beaming smiles that lasted for days. Sehun, on the other hand, was always too poor and lacking a ride, unable to meet Jongin or any of his other friends at the arcade to play games and make memories. So at school the days following an arcade meet up, Sehun got to watch everyone trade stickers and stamps and not have anything to contribute.

Until now, because Baekhyun took him to the arcade.

“Is it too stupid?” Baekhyun asks nervously. “I understand if it is. Jongin told me that you might see it as a slap in the face, so if you wanna go and just watch a movie or something, we can do that instead. I don’t wanna make you—mmh!”

Sehun cuts off Baekhyun’s rambling with a kiss, not as hot and heavy as the kisses at the restaurant, but nice and soft, effectively stopping Baekhyun’s rant and earning a pleased noise from the older. 

“It’s not stupid?” Baekhyun asks when Sehun releases him, lips slightly swollen with a dazed smile on his face. “You like it?”

Sehun nods, leaning in and kissing him again. “Thank you for bringing me,” Sehun replies, voice low and appreciative. “I don’t really know what to say.”

“We can just go inside,” Baekhyun suggests. “You don’t need to say anything.”

Sehun nods, eagerly opening the door and getting out of the car, stretching his limbs out once he’s standing. Baekhyun follows him with a big smile on his face, and Sehun could cry from the relief he feels.

Walking inside is like stepping into another world. Sehun’s never felt the way he does in this moment, surrounded by bright, neon lights and loud, annoying sound effects from games overlapping each other to create this cacophony of mess that’s like music to Sehun’s ears. The arcade is complete and utter chaos, and Sehun loves it so much. Next to him, Baekhyun watches Sehun with a pleased smile, and knowing that Baekhyun’s happy to see Sehun this happy sends another wave of affection through Sehun that he struggles to control.

“What should we do first?” Sehun asks immediately, already making a mental list of games he's looking forward to playing.

Baekhyun giggles. “We need to buy coins first,” he explains. “Arcades eat your money so fast. You think you’ve bought enough coins until you realize you’ve wasted an entire roll on one game trying to beat your own high score. It’s a trap and it’s beautiful.”  


Worry gnaws at Sehun’s gut all of a sudden. In his excitement to go to an arcade with Baekhyun of all people, he’d forgotten one of the main reasons he's never been to one before. Money, and his lack of it. Feeling sick to his stomach, Sehun takes another look around, knowing his time here will be limited now that he’s remembered the fact that he won’t be able to do anything.

“Hey,” Baekhyun says softly, getting in Sehun’s space to touch his hand and tug him closer. “What just happened?”

“N-nothing,” Sehun replies quickly, embarrassment coloring his cheeks.

Baekhyun hesitates, biting at his bottom lip worryingly. “You know…” he trails off. “Never mind.”

“What?” Sehun asks, desperate to change the topic.

“Forget it,” Baekhyun insists, looking away from Sehun quickly. “Um, so do you wanna buy some coins or get some food or something?”

Sehun squeezes Baekhyun’s hand. “What is it?” Sehun asks, more pressing than last time. 

Baekhyun sighs, looking at the ground before looking back up at Sehun, slightly sheepish. “It’s just—you know this is a date, right? One that I asked you out to? So…that means I’m paying.”

Sehun blinks. “Huh?”

“I’m paying,” Baekhyun states firmly, straightening up a little at Sehun’s dumbfounded look. “For the coins, for any food you might want, for the prizes when we inevitably don’t have enough tickets for the prizes you’ll really want at the end. All of it. I’m paying for it.”

“But—“ Sehun tries, but Baekhyun seems to have this part rehearsed.

“I’m paying for you today, Sehun,” Baekhyun says, this time with an air of finality that Sehun knows not to mess with. “I asked you out, so I pay, that’s the way these things work. When you ask me out, you get to pay. Okay?”

Sehun pauses, waiting for the catch, for the moment Baekhyun adds a ‘but’ and asks Sehun for a favor, for an exchange of some kind. 

“Is—is that it?” Sehun asks, unsure.

Baekhyun smiles, as gentle as always. “Yes, that’s it.”

Stiffly, Sehun nods, still suspicious but not enough to ruin the fun day they’re supposed to be having. “Then okay,” he replies.

“Okay?” Baekhyun clarifies, already beaming. 

Nodding again, Sehun lets Baekhyun pull him into a warm hug, arms tight around his waist as Baekhyun burrows his head in Sehun’s chest. Sehun can feel Baekhyun’s smile through his shirt, and it brings a smile to his own face, makes him bring his arms around Baekhyun in return, resting his head on top of Baekhyun’s and sighing happily.

“Now,” Baekhyun says, pulling away from the hug but grabbing Sehun’s hand in turn, his tight grip making it apparent that he doesn't plan on letting go. “Should we go buy coins?”

Baekhyun buys a shit ton of coins, more than Sehun asks for and almost enough to make Sehun feel uncomfortable about coming here, about letting Baekhyun pay and not offering a single dollar to make up the difference. The coins are cheap enough, but with the amount Baekhyun buys, he knows the hole in Baekhyun’s wallet will be significant by the time the two leave the arcade. Sehun knows that Baekhyun has money problems—working at the restaurant is not nearly enough to cover his expenses not already covered by scholarships and financial aid, Sehun knows because he did the math for a potential college experience of his own.

Nevertheless, Baekhyun leads him straight to the back of the arcade, where there’s two pin ball machines next to each other. Baekhyun looks over his shoulder with a wicked grin on his face that makes Sehun want to melt into the floor.

“Get ready to get crushed,” Baekhyun states, stepping up to the machine on the left and waving a hand towards the right.

“I wouldn't be so sure,” Sehun says with false confidence that he's sure Baekhyun sees right through. “There’s something to be said for beginner’s luck. I feel like I have a fighting chance.”

Baekhyun scoffs. “I deal in destruction only. We’ll see how far luck actually gets you.”

Sehun loses abysmally, but his smile doesn't drop off his face.

Later, he and Baekhyun leave the arcade, holding hands with prizes tucked up underneath their free arms, threatening to spill across the cracked pavement. Sehun has a large stuffed bunny whose face is squished into his armpit, and the idea of it taking a nose dive and getting its face dirty before he can present it to Nari is enough for Sehun to be extra careful about the way he holds his prizes.

“Did you have fun?” Baekhyun asks softly as they drive away, a hand still slotted into Sehun’s, even on the road. Sehun watches the way their fingers intertwine, so naturally, like they’ve been doing it for years instead of hours.

“Yes,” Sehun answers honestly, “so much. Thanks for taking me out.”

Baekhyun looks over briefly with a beautiful smile on his face. “Thanks for saying yes, letting me take you out. I had fun too. I really like you, Sehun.”

Sinking back into the seat, Sehun can’t help the dopey grin that takes over his expression. Knowing he looks like an idiot, Sehun locks eyes with Baekhyun anyways, continuing to look even after Baekhyun has to pay attention to the road again, studying his side profile.

“Yeah,” Sehun replies, “I really like you too.”

-

It happens while Sehun’s at school, and no one sees it coming.

Sehun steps through the front door of the house and just knows that something is wrong. Not quite as intense as the night Irene almost bled out all over Sehun’s sheets and bedroom floor, but enough to have him on edge. He gets his answer when he walks back to his room and sees the door to the bedroom across from him is wide open.

He looks at Irene, and his confusion must be written clear as day on his face, because she sighs heavily, shaking her head. 

“He came home around lunch time. All of his stuff was already packed. A friend helped him get it all out of the house. I don’t think he’s coming back.”

Sehun’s heart drops into his stomach. Silently, he walks into the bedroom, taking in its pristine condition. The furniture is still there, but the mattress is stripped bare and the drawers to the dresser are all open and empty, all the clothes gone.

Jinwoo’s stuff is all gone. _Jinwoo_ is gone.

“He hardly said a word to me,” Irene explains later that night, after Nari’s asleep. Sehun’s father came home and collapsed on the couch, and Sehun’s mother is still at work. Neither have realized that their oldest son has disappeared from their home without a trace. “He just kept giving me these looks. I don’t know him at all, so I had no idea what he was trying to say to me, but I guess he looked kind of guilty? Maybe sad?”

“Not guilty,” Sehun replies. “He’s wanted to leave this house since he started making enough money to get out. My mom and dad would’ve never let him, so he did in secret, but he’s not feeling guilty. He’s liberated.”

Irene frowns. “Maybe he was just sympathetic? I’m still on bedrest and he gets to up and leave this house without telling anyone. Maybe he felt bad that I’m stuck here, since he hates it here so much?”

“Maybe,” Sehun says unconvincingly. “Either way, I’m gonna have to be the one that breaks it to my parents. _That_ should be fun, the fucker didn't even leave a note, and he either turned his phone off or got a new number. My calls weren't even connecting to the dial tone, it was like there’s no signal.”

“That’s a shame,” Irene says, her eyes glinting with disgust. “How could he just up and leave you guys? You're his family. What kind of person does something like that?”

Sehun thinks about how Irene’s parents’ initial reaction to finding out about her pregnancy was to throw her out onto the streets, but he doesn't make a comment about that. Irene’s parents haven't reached out to her since, so there’s no reason to drag up bad memories for someone else just to make himself feel better, even though it certainly would help his own peace of mind in this case.

“Not everyone is as loyal and kind as you,” is what Sehun chooses to say instead. “Jinwoo didn't like us. Did he love us? Sure, everyone loves their family, but he didn't like us enough to feel like we were owed an explanation for his disappearance.”

“Still—“ Irene tries, but Sehun needs to get his point across.

“It’s whatever, I didn't like him that much either,” Sehun thinks of Jinwoo’s attitude towards CPS and his general disposition towards Nari’s presence in their home, and his lips curl into a sneer. “The feelings are mutual.”

Irene lets it end there, which Sehun is thankful for. The last thing he wants is to hash out his issues with his older brother.

“Hey,” she says after a few minutes of companionable silence. “Do you want to sleep in a real bed tonight?”

-

Sehun lets Baekhyun drop him off in front of his house after their third date.

True to his word, Baekhyun lets Sehun pay for everything when he asks Baekhyun out on a second date, sitting with a pretty smile while Sehun spoils him with a pasta dinner at a cheaper restaurant than Sehun would have liked, and thick, delicious milkshakes afterwards at shop up the road. Sehun tells his mother that his managers didn't schedule him enough for the week and leaves it at that, ignoring the chills up his spine at his mother’s glare when he hands over significantly less than he usually does for his cut for the bills.

On their third date, Baekhyun takes Sehun ice skating. The rink rents skates out by the hour, and Baekhyun brushes Sehun off when he tries to chip in for the second hour, smiling cheerfully at the cashier when she raises her eyebrows at the crumpled up bills in Baekhyun’s hand.

Sehun holds onto Baekhyun for dear life, one hand wrapped around his wrist at all times as Baekhyun delicately steers them around the side of the rink, close enough to the rail for Sehun to grab on if Baekhyun missteps, but far enough away to give Sehun the illusion that he's skating on his own. He feels like he’s floating. He’s in heaven.

The first hour mainly consists of Sehun walking like a deer standing up for the first time across the ice, ignoring Baekhyun’s gentle instructions of pushing off the ice to glide, confident enough in his ability to stomp across the ice and not fall over as a result. During the second hour, Baekhyun shoots off like a rocket, tearing across the ice at a speed Sehun has no chance of catching up to, and Sehun’s forced to skate on his own, Baekhyun’s watchful eye coloring his cheeks more than the freezing cold temperatures of the rink.

It’s an experience to say the least. Sehun isn't sure why Baekhyun’s so good at ice skating, but watching him glide across the ice is like watching a beautiful bird fly high in the sky. It’s breathtaking, and Sehun loves every minute of it. They leave the rink and immediately shed their hoodies and jackets, the hot, nearly summer air causing their skin to tingle at the abrupt temperature change.

Baekhyun drives up to the bus stop he usually picks up and drops Sehun off at, but Sehun tell him to keep going, that his driveway is just down the street. His cheeks flush at the gentle look Baekhyun sends his way.

His relief is palpable when he doesn't see his mother’s car of his father’s truck in the driveway. Baekhyun puts the car in park and watches Sehun hesitantly, like he's afraid of saying the wrong thing.

“So,” Sehun says awkwardly, “this is where I live.”

“It’s nice,” Baekhyun lies, but Sehun is so grateful that he tried.

“It isn’t,” Sehun laughs. “I live in a dump. It’s okay, you can say it.

Baekhyun grips Sehun’s hand tightly. “I would never say that about your home. It’s nice.”

“Okay,” Sehun says, “thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Sehun.”

Baekhyun walks him to the door, which he definitely doesn't have to do, but which Sehun is grateful for nonetheless. He's losing his nerve with every step they take, but Sehun knows Baekhyun will still be confident enough to kiss him goodbye before he leaves.

“Um, so I’ll see you soon?” Sehun asks hesitantly, too hesitantly apparently, when Baekhyun frowns in response.

“Of course you will,” he replies casually, leaning up on his toes to plant a light kiss to Sehun’s lips, tongue flicking across the seam of his mouth playfully before pulling away entirely. “Text me. If you don’t, I’m texting you.”

Sehun smiles. “Okay,” and then he’s turning his key in the lock and opening the door. Before he can even think, Nari is shooting out the door, squealing loudly and giggling like crazy. 

“Nari!” he hears Irene yelling from inside, and _shit_ this is _not_ how he wanted this introduction to go, if he even wanted Baekhyun and Irene to be introduced at all. He still hasn't made up his mind, but Nari’s making the decision for him, as Baekhyun blocks her path to the driveway and keeps her right in front of the house and Irene comes rushing to the door, cheeks flushed and hair sweeping around her.

Sehun reaches down to grab Nari and tightens his grip around her when she tries to launch out of her arms and into Irene’s, grabby hands clearly going for her hair, like always. Irene seems to finally notice Baekhyun’s presence and straightens up, moving her hair behind her shoulder and tucking it behind her ears, a clear sign that she's nervous.

“Oh,” she starts uncomfortably, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you would be home so soon. I thought it was maybe your dad.”

“Why are you out of bed?” Sehun chooses to ask. “You’re on bedrest.” He looks behind him to see Baekhyun eyeing Irene’s stomach with large eyes, and he feels his stomach sinking when he realizes this might be it for the two of them.

Irene shifts on her feet, a hand coming to cradle the bottom of her belly, another sign that she’s feeling nervous. “I didn’t want Nari to take off down the street. I figured if it was your dad at the door that he wouldn't be able to get her.”

“And _you_ would?” Sehun asks. “You’re a beached whale.”

Irene smacks his shoulder, the hit and sharp and stinging immediately. “Shut up about whales,” she chides. “I didn't want to risk it. You know how fast she is.” Irene finally takes Baekhyun in fully, eyebrows raising. “And who are _you_?”

Baekhyun blinks, seemingly shaking himself out of a stupor. “Um, I’m Baekhyun,” he says politely. “You’re Irene, right?”

“Yes,” Irene replies, a slight smirk on her face. “I’m Sehun’s friend, roommate, and mother of his child. What is _your_ relation to him?”

Sehun realizes quickly that she’s teasing him. He sends Irene a significant look, but before she can back down, Baekhyun replies. “I’m the guy that’s been taking him out on dates for the past week and a half.”

Irene looks back at Sehun then, and her eyes are filled with mirth. “Oooooh,” she exaggerates, a laugh already building in her throat. “Aren’t you cute? Sehun knows how to pick them."

Baekhyun smirks, much to Sehun’s horror. “He didn't pick me, I picked him. He just stood there like an idiot and didn't speak for weeks on end.”

“What a surprise, Sehun was too quiet and it almost ruined an opportunity for him to make a connection with someone,” Irene says sarcastically. “I wonder if that’s ever happened before?”

Sehun groans but it’s drowned out by Baekhyun’s laughter, and now he knows for sure that any introduction between Baekhyun and Irene was a huge mistake. They’re getting along so well, and it makes Sehun’s heart sing, but they’re also targeting Sehun, and it’s giving him high blood pressure.

“You know, I knew all along that Sehun had a random pregnant girl living in his house with him, but it’s different to meet you and see the evidence in person,” Baekhyun says, gesturing towards Irene’s bump, which she cradles protectively at the nature of Baekhyun’s words, “but you’re so not what I was expecting for if I ever got to meet you. How far along are you?”

“Too far along,” Irene says dryly. “I’ve been pregnant for approximately thirty-seven months. My body can only take this for so much longer.”

Baekhyun laughs again, and while Sehun will never get tired of the sound, he so desperately wants to be out of this situation. “You’re so funny,” Baekhyun says kindly, smiling his pretty smile at Irene.

“You’re so _hot_ ,” Irene replies immediately. “Seriously, you’re like everything I needed to see to make me feel better. Thank you for gracing me with your presence.”

“Okay,” Sehun interrupts, because he can see the witty retort on Baekhyun’s tongue and he wants to go inside and pretend this entire exchange never happened. “I think Baekhyun needs to go, and you need to get back in bed so you don’t explode blood all over the ground like you did in the middle of the night.” Baekhyun’s eyes widen slightly at the comment, but not enough for Irene to notice. “Is that what you would like? To not explode all over the ground?” he asks Irene maliciously.

Irene rolls her eyes. “Fine. I know where I’m not wanted,” she holds out her arms. “Give me the kid.”

“ _No_ ,” Sehun answers sharply. “You’re on _bedrest_. _No heavy lifting_. Forget it.”

Irene glares and sticks out her tongue, but says nothing in response. “It was really nice to meet you, Baekhyun,” she says instead, and her voice is so kind, such a change from her tone with Sehun, that it throws Sehun off slightly. “I hope I get to see you again soon.”

“Me too,” Baekhyun replies genuinely. “It was nice to meet you too, Irene.”

Baekhyun gives Sehun one more signature smile before turning around and walking back down the path towards his care. Irene is already waddling back to her and Nari’s room when Sehun steps inside, shutting and locking the door behind him and nearly sinking to the floor with a sigh.

At least that’s out of the way now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twitter @ suhyeols if you want some laughs and leave a comment with what you thought about the chapter :) we're nearing the final arc of this story, i'm very excited!! next chapter coming soon!


	10. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back already! this is a quick update and a LONG update too. im extra special proud of this chapter, so i hope you guys enjoy :)

chapter ten.

Sehun meets Jongin at their lockers after school. It’s a good day—ever since Irene was put on bedrest, Sehun’s been able to attend full school days. Just a week ago, Sehun went to school every single day of the week for all of his classes. If the satisfaction of seeing the pleased surprise on his teacher’s faces and the warmth in his belly as he gets to eat hardy, packed lunches everyday wasn’t enough to keep him going, then the time he gets to spend with Jongin now that he's attending school regularly is.

“Did you see that fight after fifth period today?” Jongin asks with a giant grin, making Sehun return it immediately. Part of Jongin’s happiness about Sehun coming to school is being able to talk to him about daily things going on on campus. Before, Sehun was always in the dark, never knowing the people involved in the drama or not sticking around on campus long enough to watch it play out. Now, Jongin can talk to him about almost anything that happens at school and Sehun will know what’s going on. Conversation between the two friends has never been better.

“Of course I did,” Sehun gets to say, and it’s entirely truthful. “That skinny kid landed way more punches than I thought he would. I was impressed.”

“I know right!” Jongin laughs, looking pleased as punch.

They take the bus back to Jongin’s house, gathering every possible snack they can find in the pantry and lining up four soda cans on the coffee table in the living room before descending onto the couch, Jongin immediately propping his feet up with a relaxed sigh. Sehun comfortably slouches in his seat, but keeps an eye on the clock hanging next to the television—he has a shift at the convenience store starting within the hour.

Devouring the fatty chips and snack cakes, Sehun and Jongin don’t speak for a good fifteen minutes, mouths too stuffed with food to form words. Eventually, Sehun swallows down the remains of his snacks with a big gulp of soda, accidentally slamming the can back down onto the table in his nerves, startling Jongin out of his post-snack, blissful stupor.

“Dude!” Jongin playfully complains, an easy-going smile on his face nonetheless.

Sehun’s stomach clenches. “I have something to tell you,” he says seriously.

Jongin sits up immediately, back ramrod straight as he stares Sehun down. “What’s up? Is it serious? Is it about the baby?”

“No,” Sehun immediately shakes his head. “Irene’s on bedrest but she’s good. The baby’s fine. It’s about me and…” he trails off, struggling to find the right way to word it.

Jongin smirks. “You and…Baekhyun?” he asks slyly.

Sehun can’t help but glare at the smug look on Jongin’s face. “Whatever. Me and Baekhyun, yeah.”

“So there’s a you and Baekhyun?” Jongin asks, eyes glinting and mouth seemingly permanently curled into that smirk.

Rolling his eyes, Sehun sits back into the couch, crossing one leg over the other and crossing his arms across his chest. “For a couple weeks now, yeah. We went on, like, three dates. He met Irene. I guess it’s a thing. Whatever,” he huffs indignantly, regretting bringing it up at all.

“Don’t just keep saying whatever, you piece of shit!” Jongin cries, slapping his hands to his knees for dramatic effect. “I’ve been sitting back in absolute silence watching while Baekhyun gives you moon eyes. Watching while you just sit there like a moron and ignore him. It was so fucking hard trying to find ways to get you to realize how he felt about you! I made him tag along to damn near everything we did so you could finally get your head out of your ass and realize someone was interested in you!”

“I’m not—“ Sehun tries.

“No!” Jongin yells, his anger only for show. “Baekhyun has been talking about you _non-stop_ for a good month now, and do you know how hard it was for me to hear how great of a kisser my best friend since missing teeth is? I wanted to shoot myself every single time he walked in the room just on principle.”

Sehun blushes. “I didn't realize it was that bad.”

“Yeah, because you have the observational skills of a blind rat with no ears!” Jongin shouts, face pinking from the consistent yelling. “When he wasn't talking about your kissing, he was talking about your _fat ass_ and your _super sexy eyebrows_ and your _so fucking hot pink fucking lips_! I can barely even look at you, man!”

Jongin’s full on laughing now, and Sehun can’t help but join in, thankful that his friend is making light of this instead of trying to use the moment to make fun of Sehun.

“Listen, I know _all_ about you and Baekhyun, and don’t worry, we don't need to talk about it. I know you don't want to, and I don’t wanna make you,” Jongin says, face sobering up to a more gentle seriousness.

“Thanks,” Sehun says awkwardly. “It’s just—I’m not the type, you know? I don’t like to share this shit, it’s my business.”

“I know,” Jongin replies easily, “it’s all good. I don’t need details. I don't _want_ details.”

Sehun smiles easily, picking up his soda and taking another swig. He needs to leave for his shift soon, but he wants to soak in the warm feeling of he and Jongin’s conversation, knowing that he’ll always have his back and won’t try to make Sehun talk about things he doesn't like to talk about. The comfort he feels in that knowledge makes him way too happy to admit.

Sehun leaves for his shift after nodding briefly to Jongin and gathering all his things, textbooks weighing down his backpack. To think, he’ll actually understand the homework when he sits down to do it behind the convenience store counter.

-

The first time Sehun goes back to Baekhyun’s place, it’s after their fifth date.

Baekhyun takes Sehun out to eat and tells him to order whatever he wants, but Sehun tactfully ignores that direction and chooses a cheap sandwich with just water to drink. The look Baekhyun gives him is harsh for only a second before he orders the exact same thing, a slightly sheepish look in his eyes.

“I always feel a little weird taking you out,” Baekhyun admits later on in the meal, when Sehun’s belly is full enough to sate him into a state of quiet pliantness that he normally doesn't get to experience. “Money’s a really weird thing for both of us, isn't it?”

“Yeah,” Sehun easily agrees. “I feel weird getting taken out, don't worry.”

Baekhyun bites his lip, hesitating. “Maybe…we should focus less on going out then? Maybe just keep our dates more…casual?”

Intrigued, Sehun sits up in his seat a little. “What do you mean?”

“Like,” Baekhyun sighs, “I don’t want you to think that I’m trying to get something out of you, because I’m not. I just…do you wanna come back with me to my place after I pay? I didn't really have anything else planned, but hanging out at my apartment doesn't cost any money.”

“You—“ Sehun inhales sharply. “You wanna…take me back to your place?”

“That sounds like something it isn’t,” Baekhyun sulks. “I’m not suggesting anything. I’m just asking if you wanna hang out with me at my place. That’s it. Like, sit on the couch and watch a movie hang out, or eat some ice cream with freezer burn and play board games hang out. Not anything else.”

Sehun can’t help but feel relieved. “Um, that sounds good. The movie or ice cream thing.”

“You sure?” Baekhyun looks _so_ relieved, his eyes wide and his bottom lip jutting out just slightly, enough for Sehun to notice.

“Yes,” Sehun says definitively before he can change his mind. “I’m sure.”

The drive to Baekhyun’s place is shorter than Sehun thought. Baekhyun doesn't live in that nice of an area, but the apartment complex looks fancy enough, an automatic gate opening after Baekhyun presses on a clicker attached to his car keys. 

“Fancy,” Sehun remarks as they drive through the gates and a big pool appears on the right, dozens of lawn chairs laid out side by side in the sun.

Baekhyun scoffs. “Hardly. The AC barely works on the hottest days of the year and maintenance here charge way too much to fix a toilet that was broken before you even move in. This place looks nice on the surface, but it’s a shit show. I’m just lucky enough that rent is cheap and I have a friend who fixes toilets.”

Sehun hums, but doesn't say anything else. Once again, he finds himself wondering what his life could look like next year, two years down the line. If Irene and the baby weren't in the picture, if he didn't have Nari to look after, if his parents were more well off and less mean. Could Sehun be going to college next year? Could he be looking at apartments to lease and comparing rents for a bunch of different complexes, complaining about maintenance guys but having friends who are conveniently nifty with that sort of thing, so it’s really not that big of a problem? Could he be getting help from Baekhyun, having a college junior giving him sage advice about the real world and making sure that Sehun doesn't fuck his first year up by signing a lease for a shitty apartment that’s going to collapse around him before his first semester’s done.

“You okay?” Baekhyun asks, and Sehun realizes he's parked and is looking straight at Sehun, looking concerned.

“Yeah,” Sehun smiles. “Just thinking a little too hard.”

“Uh oh,” Baekhyun teases, but he doesn't pry, turning the car off and stepping out. Sehun follows suit, thankful that Baekhyun didn't try to get to the root of why Sehun was staring off into space like an idiot. The answers to those kinds of questions would just embarrass Sehun too much, and he’s end up trying to find a way to walk home without dying of heat stroke on the way there.

Baekhyun leads him up a poorly cemented path towards a red brick building with what looks like three floors. Thankfully, Baekhyun doesn't turn towards the stairs. Instead, he steers him to the left down a hallway that vaguely smells of garbage, and Sehun sees that a lot of people have left full garbage bags outside their doors, rotting and collecting bugs.

“People are supposed to come by and get these but they never do,” Baekhyun sighs as he stops in front of a door painted red with the number 104 painted in black, hardly legible in the poor lighting of the hallway. “This is me,” Baekhyun announces with little fanfare, jamming his key into the lock and face straining as he twists it. Finally, the lock disengages and Baekhyun exhales heavily, tugging the key out and quickly opening the door, as if the lock is going to change its mind. From everything else Sehun has heard and seen about this place, he wouldn't be surprised if it actually did.

Sehun steps inside, shocked by how nice Baekhyun has tried to make it look. It’s very small—Baekhyun doesn't have any roommates, so the contractors didn't waste any spare space on an open floor plan, squeezing everything into a tiny little shoebox arrangement that looks cozy, but could be suffocating depending on the person. Baekhyun clearly tries his best to keep his place neat—there aren't any clothes lying around or items that seem to be out of place. He’s made a home as best he can in his quaint little apartment.

“It’s nice,” Sehun remarks, echoing Baekhyun’s first words upon seeing Sehun’s house. Sehun’s words are much more truthful, given how much nicer Baekhyun’s shoebox apartment is compared to Sehun’s house.

“Thank you,” Baekhyun responds quietly, cheeks flushed a light pink. “What do you wanna do?”

Sehun has no idea. “Whatever you wanna do.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun says easily. “Um, we can watch a movie? I have a couple good ones downloaded on my laptop. I can hook it up to my TV and we can watch it on there.”

“Okay,” Sehun replies awkwardly.

So Baekhyun sets up Iron Man on his laptop and Sehun gets comfortable on the tiny couch in front of the television, barely big enough to fit two people. When Baekhyun sits back down, holding a pillow to his stomach, Sehun blushes at their close proximity, then scolds himself for blushing. He’s not a virgin, he shouldn't be acting this weird around Baekhyun. And yet, when Baekhyun’s warm thigh slides up against Sehun’s and stays there, Sehun can’t help but feel giddy about the whole thing.

Baekhyun had dimmed the lights before he started the movie, and as it starts to get dark outside, Sehun feels himself getting drowsier and drowsier. The movie serves as ambient background noise as Sehun sinks his head further back into the cushions behind him, eyes slipping closed as he settles into a nice, warm nap.

He’s not entirely sure how long it’s been before he gets shaken awake, Baekhyun leaning over him looking fond, soft curls falling around his face and over his forehead as he drowns in his hoodie, making him look so cuddly. Not entirely present yet, Sehun reaches over and curls his arms around Baekhyun’s body, bringing him towards his own and settling him nearly on top of his lap, face turned in towards his skin and searching for warmth. He burrows his head in Baekhyun’s neck as Baekhyun giggles warmly, wrapping his arms around Sehun in response and turning docile, letting Sehun maneuver him for optimum cuddling.

“You’re so cute right now,” Baekhyun muses quietly, bringing a hand up to lightly ruffle Sehun’s hair, carding it through his fingers gently. “All sleepy and gentle, like a big, tall baby.”

Sehun sighs deeply into Baekhyun’s neck, choosing not to think too deeply over the shudder that passes through Baekhyun’s body as Sehun’s hot breath fans over where his bare skin peaks out underneath his hoodie.

“Sehun,” Baekhyun calls gently, tugging on Sehun’s hair to get him to turn his face out of Baekhyun’s neck. Sehun does so, pouting slightly, but it fixes into a kind smile when he sees Baekhyun’s gentle eyes. “Come here,” Baekhyun commands softly, the hand behind Sehun’s head pulling him towards his Baekhyun, their faces getting closer.

Taking the hint, Sehun closes his eyes and lets Baekhyun kiss him, sighing softly into the kiss and relaxing. Baekhyun’s lips mold to Sehun’s, manipulating them gently, and Sehun takes it, still sated and buzzing from his nap. Baekhyun’s body shifts, and then he plants himself in Sehun’s lap fully, straddling his legs and leaning into his body fully, kisses becoming more direct and focused. Sehun moans as Baekhyun nips at his lips playfully, tongue swiping out afterwards to soothe the stings. Sehun brings his hands down to wrap around Baekhyun’s hips, gripping the flesh of his ass lightly and relishing in Baekhyun’s little whines that he lets out in response.

Moving away from Sehun’s lips, Baekhyun trails hot, open-mouthed kisses down Sehun’s neck, stopping every so often to suck marks into his skin. Sehun lets his head fall back, revealing the arch of his neck to Baekhyun with a loud moan, dick twitching in his jeans. Baekhyun must feel it, because he rocks his hips forward, leaning up to swallow Sehun’s moans as he starts to move his body more actively against Sehun’s, their crotches sliding together on every downstroke. 

“Sehun,” Baekhyun whimpers against Sehun’s lips, and Sehun feels a surge of want pulsing through him, traveling straight down to his dick as his hands move to grip Baekhyun’s ass fully, kneading the flesh between his palms and fingers, pushing his hips forward more and encouraging Baekhyun to move faster. “Oh, fuck,” Baekhyun sighs, head tipping back as he starts rocking back and forth with intent now. Sehun attaches his lips to Baekhyun’s neck, making it his turn to suck marks into the column of flesh.

Baekhyun moans and cradles Sehun’s face with his hands, panting lightly into his mouth. “I’m not…” Baekhyun trails off, “I’m not gonna come in my pants like some teenager.” He follows his words with a teasing lick to Sehun’s lips, knowing what they imply.

Sehun huffs, then brings his hands back to Baekhyun’s hips, stilling them. Before Baekhyun can voice his complaints, Sehun picks him up and flips them over, laying Baekhyun out on the tiny couch and settling between his legs, torso on the couch while he kneels on the floor.

“What—“ Baekhyun starts, but he quickly cuts himself off when Sehun moves to unbutton and unzip his jeans, tugging them and his briefs down slightly to reveal his cock, hard and pink at the tip. It flops against Baekhyun’s stomach, and Baekhyun moans when Sehun wraps a hand around it, bringing the tip to his lips. “Oh my _god_ ,” Baekhyun cries out as Sehun wraps his lips around the head, sucking harshly.

He sets a rough pace, bending down to suck more of Baekhyun’s cock down his throat. Part of Sehun wants to laugh—just a few minutes ago he was sleeping on the couch and Baekhyun was gently shaking him awake, probably to tell him that he would gladly drive him home if Sehun wanted. Now, he’s sitting on Baekhyun’s surprisingly spotless floor and sucking his dick down his throat like it’s his favorite hobby.

“Sehun,” Baekhyun chokes weakly, hand threading through Sehun’s locks, tugging Sehun’s head up and off his cock, the tip falling out of his mouth with a loud pop. “You don't have to…this isn't what I meant.”

“I know,” Sehun says, voice hoarse. “I want to. Please let me.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Baekhyun moans, head falling back against the armrest, and Sehun takes that as an okay, bringing his cock back to his mouth and sucking it down, using his tongue to make the slide wetter.

Baekhyun comes quickly, worked up from the heavy petting. Sehun feels a spike of satisfaction at how fast Baekhyun unravels, legs tightening around Sehun’s torso as his back arches off the couch, head bowed prettily over the side of the armrest. Baekhyun can’t stop moaning, the sound sending shivers down Sehun’s spine, making him feel hot and cold all over at the same time.

Afterwards, Baekhyun slumps into the cushions as Sehun does his jeans back up, tucking his limp cock back into his briefs after landing a wet kiss to the tip, having swallowed down all of his come. Baekhyun whimpers weakly at the sight, arms outstretched as he makes grabby hands, sighing happily when Sehun takes the hint and falls on top of Baekhyun, accepting the smattering of kisses he lands all over his face.

“Mmm, I feel so good,” Baekhyun hums, blissed out. “Thank you, baby.”

The nickname makes Sehun’s heart flutter dangerously. It’s obvious what it is, something Baekhyun just said in the heat of the moment, but Sehun can’t help but slump against Baekhyun, humming happily at the way Baekhyun said the nickname. Baekhyun continues landing kisses to Sehun’s cheeks and nose, giggling when his face scrunches up at the gentle assault.

Baekhyun slides a hand down Sehun’s front, resting at the bulge in Sehun’s jeans, where his cock sits hot and heavy. “Do you want me to…?” Baekhyun trails off, eyebrow raised suggestively.

“No, it’s okay,” Sehun says, even as his dick screams for him to let Baekhyun take it out and do whatever he pleases with it. “I’m good.”

“Are you sure?” Baekhyun asks, eyebrows crinkled worriedly. “You don’t regret it, do you? I didn’t make you do anything you didn't wanna do? I told you, I didn't invite you here for just that, I meant it.”

Sehun smiles. “I know,” he says gently, cupping Baekhyun’s cheek. “It’s okay, I don’t feel weird at all.”

“Do you promise?” Baekhyun asks cutely, and Sehun can’t resist pecking his nose, laughing when he scrunches it up in response.

“I promise.”

-

There’s a saying that all good things must come to and end. Sehun hadn't really subscribed to that philosophy. He’s never had enough good things in his life for it to really matter in the first place. 

That is, until now.

Junmyeon’s driving everyone home—Sehun, Baekhyun, Jongin and Jongdae—after spending the afternoon dicking around at Jongin and Jongdae’s house. Sehun’s a little frustrated—Baekhyun kept sliding his hand up and down Sehun’s thighs while they were playing video games then pulling away whenever Sehun diverted his attention to him. Even now, Baekhyun keeps looking over and giving Sehun these sultry looks that almost has him asking if Junmyeon would just drop him off at Baekhyun’s apartment. 

Nevertheless, Sehun’s house is closest to Jongin’s, so he's getting dropped off first. As soon as they turn the corner onto Sehun’s street, his heart drops into his stomach.

Red and blue lights are flashing, too brightly for Sehun to be able to see clearly, but they’re focused on one house, multiple cop cars parked on the side of the street, a couple of other unmarked cars next to them. As Junmyeon tentatively rolls closer, it becomes even more clear that they’re parked outside Sehun’s house.

“Jesus, Sehun,” Jongin whimpers from beside him, looking out the window at all the vehicles in Sehun’s driveway and the sidewalk surrounding it. “What happened?”

Sehun can’t speak, heart beating too fast to give Jongin an answer. Junmyeon pulls over in front of the house next door, and Sehun flushes with shame as he sees his neighbors standing outside their houses, peering curiously at Sehun’s house and then the car Sehun’s in, clearly expectantly waiting for Sehun to step out and get involved. Sehun’s breath catches when he sees Irene, wobbling around the driveway and obviously distressed. Sehun’s parents are nowhere to be seen.

“Sehun,” Baekhyun speaks softly, the hand on his tight nothing more than a comforting touch right now, “what do you want us to do?”

Junmyeon and Jongdae turn around to face him from the front seat, and Sehun flushes from the extra attention. “We can take you somewhere else,” Jongdae offers, but Sehun is already shaking his head.

“No,” he says firmly, “I need to see what’s going on.” His face pales as he spots a van with a familiar seal printed on the side of it. He’d recognize that design anywhere, having seen it enough throughout his childhood. Child Protective Services is here, and Sehun finds himself swallowing back bile. “Can you guys stay here for a little bit? Just in case.”

“Of course we will,” Jongin replies quickly, sending everyone else in the car a dark look, daring someone to protest. Junmyeon quickly nods, signaling his agreement.

“We’ll be right here the whole time,” he speaks with enough certainty to give Sehun the strength to get out of the car. 

With shaking legs, Sehun walks up the sidewalk towards his house, immediately on the defensive as a cop approaches him.

“Son, you can’t be here right now. This is official police business,” the cop announces, hand already drifting towards his belt threateningly.

“My name’s Sehun Oh, this is my _house_ ,” Sehun spits. “Let me through.”

The cop lets him pass with sympathetic eyes. Sehun ignores the look and keeps walking, losing a lot of his courage when he sees the CPS agents from all those weeks ago, the man and woman that stood outside his house and pleaded with him to get his parents to contact them. Their card sits on Sehun’s nightstand, untouched after all this time.

“Sehun!” Irene screams, her voice breaking. “Sehun! Where were you?”

“What’s going on?” Sehun demands, closing the distance between them and holding Irene up as she loses her footing, legs weaker after all this time on bedrest. “Why are all these cops here?”

“ _Sehun_ ,” Irene sobs into Sehun’s chest. “They just got here, I don’t—“

“Mr. Oh,” the female agent from CPS greets, voice completely serious. “There’s a lot we need to discuss with you. If you could please follow me, I’m taking both you and Irene back to the office with me.”

Sehun flounders. “What’s going on? Why are you here? Why is the _police_ here?”

“Please cooperate with me, Mr. Oh,” the agent replies sternly. “I don't have time to wrangle a couple of teenagers, not with everything else going on—“

“What else is going on?” Sehun asks, refusing to move. “Hey, where’s _Nari_?”

“They were searching the house,” Irene speaks up, having found her voice. “They just showed up out of nowhere and started searching the house. Your parents had just gotten back from work.”

“My parents are here?” Sehun asks. “Where are they?”

The agent sighs, seemingly realizing that Sehun isn't going anywhere without some answers. She flags down her partner, and the male agent walks over to join them, looking just as serious.

“Sehun,” the male agent says calmly, but it only stressed Sehun out more, “earlier today, your mother’s employer called us with some…concerns over her behavior these last few weeks. We had visited both of your parents’ and your older brother’s places of employment and instructed them to keep us informed of any changes with the three of them. That’s exactly why we received the call from the hospital. The information we received during this call was…disturbing, so we performed a raid within the last hour. Your parents…”

“What?” Sehun asks.

“Your parents are both under arrest, Sehun,” the female agent states, much more gently than how she was speaking earlier.

Irene gapes, grasping onto Sehun’s arm tightly. “Arrested?” she asks breathlessly. “For what?”

“Possession of illegal substances with an intent to distribute,” the male agent informs, his voice almost robotic.

Sehun feels like he's going to be sick.

“ _Drugs_?” Irene shrieks, and Sehun winces. “You found _drugs_? In this house?”

“Crystal meth,” the female agent confirms. “We contacted the police immediately. Your parents were cooking crystal meth in their bedroom.”

“We understand that this is a lot to process,” the male agent says quietly. “So, if you would, please follow my colleague and I to our car, we’ll take you back to our office and have a more detailed conversation there about how we proceed from here.”

Sehun blinks. “Um,” he swallows thickly, throat feeling to heavy, “where’s my—where’s Nari? I’m not leaving without Nari.”

“Please,” Irene begs. “Just let her be with us.”

As if on cue, a police officer steps out of the house, Nari in his arms. There’s a woman standing by the doorway, wearing a pantsuit and looking very official, already holding her arms out for the cop to transfer Nari from his arms to hers. Sehun’s heart sinks as Nari clings to the woman, her crying shrieks echoing throughout the nearly silent street.

“Daddy!” Nari’s screaming. “Daddy! I want daddy!”

And that has Sehun tearing across the driveway, ignoring the shouts of the CPS agents. He crosses the distance between himself and the woman, watches as she struggles to hold Nari up as she spots Sehun and starts kicking harshly, trying to get into his arms.

“Daddy!” Nari sobs, and Sehun reaches the woman, tearing Nari from her arms and holding her close to him, petting over her hair gently.

“It’s okay, baby,” Sehun speaks soothingly, trying to calm Nari’s cries as quickly as possible. “It’s okay, daddy’s here.”

The woman raises an eyebrow. “ _You’re_ this girl’s father?” she asks in disbelief.

“I’m her—“ Sehun struggles with his words. “She’s my little sister, but I’m her—she’s mine,” he says with as much conviction as he's ever mustered, standing tall as the woman looks over him with judgment in her eyes.

“It’s okay,” the female agent calls out as she and Irene cross the driveway, Irene struggling to keep up. Sehun realizes that she’s barefoot, wearing nothing but one of Sehun’s oversized shirts, the fabric falling way too high on her thighs due to how far her stomach has ballooned since she started wearing Sehun’s shirts to sleep. She keeps tugging on the hem, trying to keep her underwear from showing, and due to the growing blush on her cheeks, she's failing.

Thankfully, the other woman takes the female agent at her word and walks away, heading back over to the cluster of cops standing by the shriveled up bushes on the sidewalk leading up to the front door.

“What’s going to happen to us?” Irene asks, her voice wobbly as tears start falling from her face. Sehun himself is struggling not to cry, choosing to shove his face into Nari’s hair to distract himself from the oncoming tidal wave of emotions.

His _parents_ …Sehun struggles to come up with a thought coherent enough to speak out loud. His parents were drug addicts? Using meth, of all substances? Cooking it in the _house_ with their baby daughter inside? Sehun has long ago reconciled that Nari was never going to be considered a daughter to Sehun’s mother and father, but to blatantly put her in danger like that…Sehun’s speechless.

But his parents are going to prison, and Jinwoo is missing, so the question remains, the question Sehun has been neglecting to ask because he doesn't want to make this entire thing about himself, doesn't want it so seem like he's only looking out for his own interests. Still, he has to wake up and smell the roses, and there’s only so many things he can choose to focus on without thinking about the most immediate problem he's facing right now.

Where is he going to go?

CPS aren’t going to let Sehun, Irene and Nari stay at the house alone, not in these circumstances, not _ever_. 

Where are they going to take him? Where are they taking Nari and Irene?

Sehun looks back out onto the street and sees Junmyeon’s car parked, headlights off, as all of his friends stand outside the car, watching the scene with varying looks of horror and concern. Sehun can hardly stand to see the heartbreak on Baekhyun’s face, so he looks away quickly. The thought of his friends standing outside and watching everything happen, probably hearing everything too, makes Sehun want to vomit.

“We’re taking you, Sehun and Nari back to the office with us,” the female agent explains calmly, a worry line forming between her eyebrows. The night is dragging on and she looks tired. Sehun and Irene’s hysteria certainly isn't making anything better. “There are cots there for situations like this. You’ll all three spend the night at the office, and don't worry, one of us will stay with you. Tomorrow morning, my colleague and I will be contacting homes and finding placements for the three of you.”

“Homes?” Irene asks, voice loud and high-pitched. “Like, foster homes?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Sehun sees Jongin’s face crumble, Jongdae walking over to console him as his body starts to shake. Baekhyun and Junmyeon are holding hands, but Sehun doesn't look at Baekhyun’s face. It’s too hard.

“Yes,” the agent replies steadily. “Temporary placement is the protocol for these types of situations. Even if we hadn't found what we found in your parents’ bedroom, we had a solid enough foundation to remove all of you from that house. The foster system was the inevitable next step for you guys, whether this raid happened or not.”

Irene breaks down then, blubbering into a mess of tears that Sehun can’t even begin to comfort. Nari still clings tightly to Sehun’s neck, pinching his skin, but he doesn't register the pain, too focused on keeping her secured in his arms.

“Please,” Irene sobs, reaching for the agent. Her hands clasp around the agent’s arm, and her eyes are shining with a mountain of unshed tears. “Please, keep Sehun and Nari together. T-they need to be t-together. Please don't let them be separated.”

“We can’t leave you,” Sehun insists, the volume of his voice stirring Nari’s head from its place on Sehun’s shoulder. Her eyes find Irene, and she immediately starts babbling. “Mommy!” she squeals loudly, smile wide as she starts reaching out for her. Sehun hands her off to Irene, knowing that if he doesn’t, Nari will just launch herself into Irene’s arms, not caring if she hurts herself in the process. Irene cradles her carefully, struggling to fit Nari around her bump but making it work, resting the toddler on her hip and shifting her weight heavily to one leg, propping Nari up. 

“See?” Sehun says. “They can’t be separated either.” He looks to the agent, who watches the scene with a grim expression. “You can’t separate us!”

The agent purses her hips. “Now isn't the time to get into the details. We’ll have a lot to discuss at the office tomorrow morning, after everyone’s had a night of rest.”

“ _You can’t separate us_!” Sehun roars, ignoring when Irene and Nari both flinch. “That can’t happen!”

“ _Sehun_!”

Whipping around, Sehun comes face to face with his parents, each being led out in a pair of handcuffs, two officers flanking both of them. Sehun’s stomach sinks as he takes in their appearances, the ragged demeanor of his father, limping on his fake leg, and his mother’s wide, twitching eyes. It becomes so clear to Sehun just how horrible the conditions of his parents are. For so long, he thought they were just working themselves to death, struggling to pay the bills and keep their lives afloat. Now, Sehun knows that money for bills was never the problem, it was money for drugs.

Disgusted, Sehun dodges his mother as she tries to get closer to him, pleas falling from her lips the closer the officers walk her towards Sehun and the trio. 

“Sehun,” his mother blubbers, “Sehun, don't let them take me away. Tell them how good we are to you! Tell them what I do for you! How could a drug whore do the things I do for you? I drive you everywhere, I make you food, I patch you up. I’m not what they’re saying, it’s all a lie! Tell them, Sehun. Tell them!”

Rage fills Sehun. Thinking of all the times his mother has been there for him, Sehun finds himself falling short. “Get the hell away from me,” he says coldly, reveling in the shocked look that falls onto his mother’s face.

His father grumbles his way down the sidewalk, fixing Sehun with a nasty sneer that Sehun has no qualms about returning. To Sehun’s horror, he jeers at Irene, and he might have even made a lewd comment if the officers hadn't directed him away from her, leading him down a different path.

Sehun watches as his parents are shoved into two different cop cars, the officers getting inside and driving away quickly. Sehun can’t help but hope that it’s the last he sees of them, though he knows it won’t be. His parents won’t just magically land in prison, they’ll have a trial that Sehun will no doubt need to appear at. Still, watching them sit in the backs of the cars, his father’s head hung low and his mother’s staring out the window, yelling things that Sehun can’t hear, he's filled with a sick satisfaction.

The feeling is cut short when the agent lays a gentle hand on Sehun’s arm. “We need to get going,” she says. “Right now, it’s my job to get you, Irene and Nari off the scene to let the police do their jobs. Trust me when I tell you you do not want to be here when the police conduct a more thorough search of the property.”

Sehun nods, because what else can he do? He follows the agent to the van, walking alongside Irene, who hands Nari back to him due to her exhaustion. Sehun thinks about their baby, and how Irene’s due date is coming in two weeks. He thinks about what stress did to her body earlier on in her pregnancy, the hospital trip that Sehun still hasn't paid the bills for. He takes Irene’s hand, a small comfort for her as they both process what’s happening to them.

“Where we going?” Nari asks innocently as Sehun and Irene stop in front of the van. The agent opens the sliding door, her partner already in the driver’s seat. 

Sehun takes one last look back at his friends, watches them as they stand around Junmyeon’s car, not being able to do a thing to help. Sehun’s not sure he would want them to, even if they could.

“We’re going to a new place tonight,” Sehun answers, keeping his voice as light as possible. The agent helps Irene into the van, then steps aside to give Sehun room to jump in. He’s careful not to jostle Nari, and places her into the car seat set up in the middle row of seats, next to Irene. He climbs into the farthest back row of seats, sitting in the middle seat and leaning around to look at Nari from her car seat.

“A new place?” she asks, already smiling.

Nodding, Sehun sits back in his seat when the agent gives him a look from the passengers seat. Her partner starts the van up and immediately pulls off the side of the street, driving away. He turns around, watching his friends in the back window of the van, watches as they stand together, talking. Any moment now, an officer will walk over to them and ask them to vacate the scene, and Sehun hopes it happens sooner rather than later. If there’s more to find in Sehun’s house—more than crystal meth—he doesn't want his friends, doesn't want _Baekhyun_ to be there when they bring it outside.

“Yep,” Sehun says, “a new place.”

Sehun watches his friends get smaller and smaller as he’s taken away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so...remember how in the tags it says it gets worse before it gets better...this is what i meant...
> 
> nevertheless, follow me on a twitter @suhyeols if you want to see a 19 year old have an almost daily mental breakdown over sehun's ass and chanyeol's ears. also, leave a comment with your thoughts if you want. im really curious to see the reaction for this chapter. hopefully you guys like the direction im taking this story...
> 
> remember that it's tagged it gets worse before it gets BETTER, which HAS to mean that things will eventually start looking up, right? right? 
> 
> i'll see you sometime soon with the next chapter, our second to last! we're nearing the finish line, and i couldn't be more excited!!


	11. eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back with a doozy :/ this one's a little depressing guys, but there's nothing trigger worthy, so don't worry about that.

chapter eleven.

Sehun doesn't sleep. His cot makes his lower back ache and Nari wakes him up just as he's starting to fall asleep because she wants to sleep with him. Sehun checks on Irene—sleeping, thankfully, but only because she's too exhausted to stay awake—before letting Nari onto the cot, folding himself around him to keep her warm. The social workers provided them with blankets, but they’re thin and Nari’s used to curling against Irene at night, who burns like a hot furnace these days from her body overworking itself in the last stages of her pregnancy.

They get woken up early, just as the sun is starting to rise, and Sehun’s sitting up on his cot cradling Nari close to him when a social worker walks in, a new woman Sehun doesn't recognize. She smiles softly at the three, nothing but open kindness in her eyes as she fixes her gaze on Sehun, addressing him directly.

“If you could, please, meet me in my office in about twenty minutes,” she gently instructs. “I’m just down the hall, three doors from the back on the left.”

Sehun nods, and the woman disappears again. Beside him, Nari shifts until her face is burrowed in Sehun’s stomach, whining sleepily. Sehun smiles and strokes her hair, looking over at Irene, who’s trying to get herself to sit up in her cot. She glares when she notices Sehun’s eyes on her.

“Don’t look at me like that. I feel like I’m gonna pop at any moment.”

“Please don’t,” Sehun says, only half kidding.

Irene rolls her eyes. “Yeah, I’ll be sure to tell her to slow down her descent into my vaginal canal. Is that something you really want me to sit here talking about, or can you just shut up and let me complain about how tight the skin around my stomach is?”

Sehun grimaces. “I’ll just let you complain,” he replies amicably.

“Thank you,” Irene says dryly, beginning the very long process of sitting up on her own without any assistance.

Within the twenty minutes, Sehun, Nari and Irene make their way to the new woman’s office. Sehun opens the door, and the smell of pastries hits his nose. The woman has a box of donuts set out, as well as a plate of fruits and what looks like a danish. Sehun’s never actually seen a danish before, only seeing them in movies or shows.

“Ooh, yummy!” Nari claps her hands, looking up at Sehun and smiling widely. “Daddy, can I have some?” 

“Of course,” Sehun replies immediately, then snaps his head up to look at the woman, an apology already on his tongue. He doesn't know for sure if these are for them. How could he just offer Nari some food without checking with this woman first?

The woman holds up a hand, stopping Sehun’s train of thought. “These are all for you. I thought you three might like a nice breakfast while we have what I imagine will be a difficult conversation.”

Sehun’s heart sinks. Of course. The agents yesterday had mentioned the need to have a more detailed conversation, but Sehun foolishly thought that they could somehow avoid it, get placed in the same foster home and work things out between the three of them from there. Foolish indeed, because he knows that’s not how Child Protective Services works, no matter what Jinwoo’s smart mouth led him to believe.

“Please, take a seat, all of you,” the woman says, sitting down herself and gesturing to the two chairs placed in front of the food. “And help yourselves. I’ve already eaten, none of this is for me.”

Irene doesn't need to be told twice, hobbling over to the chair on the right and plopping down, immediately leaning over and taking a paper plate from the small stack, grabbing three donuts and a piling the other side of her plate with food. Sehun doesn't make a comment—he knows she must be hungry, that she hasn't had a proper, filling meal since she got to Sehun’s house, her appetite only getting worse as her pregnancy progresses.

Sehun gets to fix Nari a plate—one plain donut and a rather sizable portion of strawberries and sliced apples—as well as his own, before the woman clears her throat and draws their attention.

“So,” she says, “there is a laundry list of points we need to discuss. Would you like to wait for Nari to finish her breakfast before starting? We have a playroom we can take her to, someone will watch over her and make sure she doesn't get lonely or wander off.”

“She’s fine here,” Sehun replies instantly, hugging Nari closer to him from where she sits on his lap, crunching loudly on an apple slice. “She doesn't understand what we’re talking about anyways. We can start now.”

The woman gives Sehun a knowing look, but doesn't press. “I’ll start by introducing myself. My name is Yoonji, I’m a social worker and I’ve been assigned to your cases.” 

Yoonji. A name, finally. Sehun couldn't help but let himself be bothered over the fact that the CPS agents never actually provided Sehun their names himself. Sure, they were written on the card they gave him, but they never introduced themselves to him, and so Sehun always addresses them as the male and female agent, never by their names.

“I don’t want to sugarcoat anything that we talk about this morning. Sehun, I’ll be going over you and Nari’s parents’ criminal charges and what that means for them. I’ll also be going over the plan I’ve come up with as to how we proceed from here. By that I mean, where you’ll be placed temporarily as well as an outline for a permanent placement for all of you. Do you both understand?”

Sehun and Irene nod dumbly, unable to speak. Yoonji continues.

“Excellent,” she smiles, looking to Irene. “Irene, you should know before we proceed that I’m in contact with your parents. They were contacted last night after you were all removed from the Oh residence, and we’ve struck up a correspondence with them.”

“You—“ Irene’s voice shakes. “M-my parents? They answered you? W-what did they s-say?”

Yoonji’s smile grows, and Sehun feels terrible when he feels his heart start to sink. “They’re opening they’re home back up for you. I’ve spoken with both your mother and father thoroughly, and I can assure you that they are both equally remorseful for their treatment of you when they found out about your pregnancy. They have a ways to go to earn your trust back, but they are delighted to have you back home with them. Your placement has been decided, you're going back home to your parents.”

Irene starts crying then, silent tears streaming down her face. Yoonji digs around behind her desk before pulling out a box of tissues, holding them out for Irene. She takes one and dabs at her eyes, sniffling quietly and trying to compose herself. Sehun looks away, looking down at his lap instead.

“You should know that, at any point, if you no longer feel safe in your parents’ home, all you need to do is call me and explain the situation, and I can have you removed and placed somewhere safer as soon as possible. I don't think it will come to that, but you won’t be stuck there. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Irene says meekly, and it takes everything in Sehun not to look at her. “Y-yes I understand. T-thank you.”

“Of course,” Yoonji says. “Now, Sehun,” she prompts, and Sehun looks back up. “You and Nari’s case is a bit more complicated.”

Sehun sighs. Of course it is.

“Given the large age difference between you and Nari, getting both of you placed in the same home will be next to impossible. Add to that the fact that you're turning eighteen in less than a week, the only thing I can guarantee you is a home for your remaining days. After that, you've officially aged out of the system and the home I place you in will not be required to continue housing you.”

His birthday? Sehun tries to remember what day it is, and he realizes it’s true. His birthday _is_ coming up soon. Sehun hasn't even celebrated his birthday in well over ten years, and that coupled with all the chaos of the past twenty-four hours made it easy to forget that he will officially be an adult by the end of the week.

“S-so what does that mean?” Irene asks, voice wobbling. “Nari and Sehun w-won’t be p-placed together? They’ll b-be s-separated?”

Yoonji looks sympathetic then, and while Sehun can tell it’s genuine, it doesn't help matters at all. “Sehun won’t even technically be _placed_ , it’s the system’s equivalent of crashing at a friend of a friend’s place, basically. You’ll be in and out of the house I have for you before you can even blink. Nari’s placement will be much more of a permanent fixture. She’s the perfect age for fostering, especially for couples looking to adopt, and she’s also—“

“Wait, why are we talking about adoption right now?” Sehun cuts in, panic swelling in his throat. “This is supposed to be about getting Nari into a decent foster home. We’re not talking about adoption right now.”

“Temporarily, yes, this is about finding the right foster home for Nari,” Yoonji says patiently, “but I have to think longterm for her as well. She is almost three years old and her parents are, barring any complications on the police department’s behalf, going to prison for much longer than she’ll be a minor. I need to seriously consider adoption as the best route for her. Children that grow up in the foster care system do not statistically perform well as teenagers and young adults in the world. Adoption will give her a much better, much more stable life.”

Sehun sees white, and he can hear Irene sobbing beside him. “No, she’s…” he trails off, feeling his throat closing and not wanting to start crying right in front of a woman he's just met. “She’s mine. I…she needs to stay with me.”

The look on Yoonji’s face is painful to look at, so Sehun looks down, still avoiding Irene as he feels her eyes on him. 

“Sehun,” Yoonji says, and her voice is placating, but it taunts Sehun. “You cannot adopt Nari. If you were out of high school, out of _college_ , with a stable job and a decent income and a nice place to live, then maybe, _maybe_ , I could be able to arrange a temporary home for her while we set up a court hearing to give you custody of her. But you’re hardly established. I’ve seen your file, I know who you are. I know you would give Nari a fantastic life if you could, but you’re way too young, way too unstable to even consider the possibility of you getting full custody of Nari.”

And this, for some reason, never occurred to Sehun. The possibility of another family wanting Nari so badly that they decide to adopt her, to take her away from Sehun forever and hold her hostage in their castle for the rest of her life. Sehun has relied so much on the idea of he and Nari staying together, of being placed together and for Sehun to take Nari with him when he ages out. But he should've known that would be impossible. No social worker in their right mind would allow an eighteen year old who recently aged out of the system to take his toddler sister with him when he left, with no home, no family, no plan for the future. Social workers do what they can for teenagers, but their priority is always the kids.

Sehun’s heard a lot about foster kids, about abusive homes and some kids going home and never coming to school again, dying at the hands of the people paid to protect and take care of them. But that’s the problem right there. Whoever takes Sehun in, no matter how long he stays with them, will be financially compensated for their generosity, and no matter how much or little they actually do for him, they get paid all the same. He’s always sworn that he wouldn't let Nari become a foster kid, that he would do everything in his power to keep her out of the system and with him. Ever since he saw his parents being taken away in handcuffs, that reality has drifted further and further away from Sehun, and now it’s too out of reach for him to do anything about it.

In his lap, Nari leans against Sehun, her eyes closed. Soft sighs fall past her slightly open mouth, and Sehun knows she’s fallen asleep. _Good_ , he thinks. To have her awake for this conversation would be too painful for him.

“Now, in addition to contacting Irene’s parents, I’ve also contacted your brother, Jinwoo,” Yoonji states, and Sehun sees Irene perk up in her seat in the corner of his eye. He stays slumped over, knowing exactly where this is going. “Unfortunately, he's made it explicitly clear to me that he expresses no interest in taking you or Nari in. Our conversation was very short, but I think it’s safe to say that contacting him again would be futile.”

“That’s not a surprise,” Sehun mutters bitterly. “He’s a piece of shit and a flake when it matters. He hated me, and probably Nari too. I don’t want him taking her in.”

“Okay,” Yoonji says. “That means that there are no other avenues for me to keep Nari close to you. You have no other immediate family and you have no distant relatives. There’s nobody I can place her with that guarantees that you get access to her whenever you want. Because of this, I need to move forward with Nari’s placement as quickly as possible.”

Sehun nods, knowing that nothing he says will change anything. Nari’s being taken away from him, taken away from Irene. He has no choice but to let it happen.

“Now,” Yoonji says, looking much more grim, if that’s even possible, “I’m going to have to ask Irene to leave the room.”

Irene snaps her head towards Yoonji, looking at her with wide eyes. “Leave? Why?”

“There are legal matters that I need to speak with Sehun about that you are not privy to,” Yoonji explains carefully. “You’re not family, so this isn't something you’re legally allowed to hear from me. Sehun can choose to inform you of what we speak about if he wants to.”

“But—“ the words die on Irene’s tongue, but Sehun still hears them. _But we_ are _family_.

“Sehun will go to you when we’re finished,” Yoonji says.

Sehun looks at Irene, pleading silently. “Can you take Nari with you?” he asks. He doesn't know how much longer they’ll have to be with her, and Sehun doesn't want to hog all of their borrowed time.

Irene’s expression softens, recognizing what Sehun is doing, and she nods, standing up carefully and picking Nari up from where she’s slouched in Sehun’s lap. Nari fusses briefly, but she settles down quickly, sinking into Irene’s side as she holds her up on one hip.

When Irene leaves the room, Yoonji turns to Sehun. “Would you like to hear about your parents’ charges?” 

-

“What did she say?” Irene demands as soon as Sehun rounds the corner into the room they were in before. She’s sitting on her cot again, Nari curled around her, asleep. “What’s happening with your parents?”

Sehun checks that Nari is still napping before answering. “They’re going to prison,” Sehun declares. “They were cooking meth in their own bedroom. They found needles too, a couple of them, and they tested positive for heroine. They didn't find any in the house, but that just means they were out. They—“ Sehun pauses to collect himself. “They’ll be in prison for a long time.”

“Jesus,” Irene sighs, leaning against the wall. “That’s—I don’t know whether to say that’s awful or that it’s exactly what they deserve.”

“It’s what they deserve,” Sehun spits. “They were—in the same house as _Nari_. I mean, what if she had gotten into it. What then? Yoonji mentioned me maybe having to testify in their trial, but that’s only if I’m subpoenaed by the defense. She’s been in touch with the prosecution on the case and they said they weren't getting me involved if they didn't have to.”

“How are they gonna have a defense?” Irene asks. “They don’t have any money. Now we know why.”

Sehun shrugs. “They’ll probably be appointed a public defender. They’re being charged with child neglect and endangerment on top of the drug stuff. With Nari and the baby in the mix, there’s no way a public defender’s getting them out of this one.”

Irene gnaws on her bottom lip, turning it red under the constant abuse, and Sehun gets nervous. Irene only acts this way when she's thinking heavily about something, something she wants to tell Sehun but isn't sure exactly how to.

“You know,” she says, clearly hesitating. “I could…I could talk to my parents. I could ask them to take Nari in too. If they can get past their anger with me, then maybe they could find a way to understand what she means to us, what she means to _me_.”

“I can’t ask you to do that,” Sehun immediately rebuts, heart dangerously close to pounding out of his chest.

“You’re not asking!” Irene quickly says, cheeks getting pinker. “I love Nari, like she’s my daughter. My heart would break to be away from her, but you would completely shatter. She's your world, in a way I won’t ever be able to understand.”

Sehun shudders, feeling emotional and wanting, more than anything, to be at home right now, watching Nari sleep in his bed instead of a cot with a prison quality mattress.

“She’s the only family you have left,” Irene whispers. “Please, let me try. Let me talk to them about it. Maybe…maybe they’ll understand.”

Nodding, Sehun reaches over and curls his hand around the back of Irene’s head, pulling her closer to rest her head on his shoulder.

“Congratulations, by the way,” Sehun says, “about you parents. That’s huge.”

“Thank you,” Irene says quietly, sounding vulnerable. “I’m really sorry about your parents, Sehun. I want you to know that. I’m so ridiculously sorry this is happening to you.”

“Thank you,” Sehun repeats.

If Irene hears how weak his voice sounds, she chooses not to say anything about it.

-

Irene’s parents come to Yoonji’s office to pick her up, her father dressed in a pressed suit, her mother a sophisticated dress and pearls. Irene takes one last look at Sehun, cradling a sleeping Nari, before waddling outside, dressed to the nines in Sehun’s tee shirt and a pair of sweatpants Yoonji provided her with the second they arrived at her office. 

Sehun watches from the window as Irene’s mother pulls Irene into a delicate hug, leaning over to avoid touching her baby bump, while Irene’s father gazes at the scene with a vague look of distaste. Sehun sees Irene’s lips move, having no idea what she’s saying, but she’s talking fast and her mother is nodding, trying her best to keep up. Her father stands behind them shaking his head, and when Irene gestures back to the building, twisting around and locking eyes with Sehun in the process, Sehun suddenly knows what she’s talking about. Given Irene’s mother’s sympathetic eyes and her father’s staunch look of disapproval, Sehun has a guess as to what their take on bringing Nari with them is. 

Irene turns around and looks at Sehun, hurt written all over her face, but Sehun merely shakes his head, gesturing for her to go, to get in the car and get as far away from the office as possible. Any day now, Irene’s going to go into labor and give birth to a baby, and Sehun wants her to be sitting up in her parents’ house, living a cushioned lifestyle without a care in the world when that happens.

Despite all this, Sehun can’t ignore the pangs in his chest when Irene finally does get in the car, her mother helping her into the backseat before closing the door for her and getting into the passenger’s seat, her father tearing out of the parking lot faster than Sehun’s brain can process. 

In minutes, Irene is gone. 

“Sehun?” Sehun’s head snaps away from the window and towards Yoonji, who stands in the doorway with an already sympathetic expression on her face. “I have some news.”

“What’s going on?” Sehun asks.

Yoonji steps into the room, clasping her hands in front of her. “All through the morning, I’ve been in contact with multiple families who were candidates to take someone like Nari into their home. I’ve made the last official calls, and I’ve narrowed it down to the final house. They’re expecting Nari within the hour.”

Sehun’s always wondered what it would feel like for his heart to just stop beating, for his chest to constrict so tight that he couldn't breathe, for his lungs to collapse and for his body to shut down. He thinks this is the closest he’ll ever get—barring it actually happening—to experiencing those feelings.

“W-within the hour?” Sehun curses himself for stuttering.

“Yes,” Yoonji replies cooly, though not unkindly. “I’ll be taking her there myself. Since she doesn't have any personal belongings here, and your home is currently sealed off due to the police investigation, I’m bringing her straight to them. They live about forty-five minutes from here, so it’s time for me to collect her and go.”

“Um,” Sehun replies dumbly, “okay. C-can I w-wake her up and s-say goodbye first?”

Yoonji’s eyes soften. “Of course you can, Sehun.”

Sehun nods, blinking back tears before shaking Nari awake, ignoring her soft whines of confusion as she comes to. Nari’s eyes blink open slowly, and it registers for Sehun that this might be the last time he ever looks down at Nari’s face, the last time he’ll ever touch her, hold her, be in the same room as her. 

“Daddy?” Nari asks, still blinking too heavily to be fully awake.

“Good morning, baby,” Sehun says lowly, soothingly. Nari smiles softly, a wide yawn interrupting it. Sehun himself smiles at the sight. “Listen, Nari. There’s a very nice woman named Yoonji who’s going to take you to a really nice home with really nice people who will take good care of you, okay?”

Nari’s face turns confused. “I’m going?”

“Yes, honey,” Sehun replies patiently, knowing his moments with Nari are probably numbered by now. “They’re going to feed you and bathe you and color with you and let you live and be happy. It’s going to be so much fun! I’m excited for you!”

“Daddy excited?” Nari asks, stumbling over the second word.

Sehun nods enthusiastically. “Yep! You’re belly’s gonna be so full and you’re gonna feel so warm and gooey inside. Like a toasted marshmallow, mmm!” He makes an exaggerated sound effect, his heart squeezing when Nari giggles at the noise, clapping her hands excitedly. “So I want you to be good for Yoonji, okay? I want you to behave well and remember your manners and be extra nice to the super sweet family that’s taking you in. Do you understand me?”

Nari nods, her smile huge and covering half her face. “Yes, daddy! I be extra nice! I give hugs and lots of kisses too!”

“Hugs and kisses?” Sehun asks. Nari nods again. “Oh my goodness, that’s _so_ nice, Nari! You’re such a nice girl!”

Nari squeals delightedly, launching into Sehun and wrapping her little arms around his neck. Sehun quickly wraps his arms around the entirety of her frame, swallowing her whole in his embrace and shoving his face into her hair, breathing her drugstore brand strawberry shampoo for what he believes will be the last time.

“Sehun,” Yoonji says gently, but it’s a command. Sehun inhales Nari’s scent deeply, committing it to memory.

“I love you, Nari,” Sehun says strongly, making sure that Nari doesn't mishear or misunderstand. “I love you so much. Do you hear me?”

Nari nods into Sehun’s chest. “I do, daddy,” she replies, her voice completely serious. “I love you too.”

“You do?” Sehun asks, feeling himself getting choked up.

“Uh huh,” Nari responds.

Sehun sniffles, feeling a tear roll down his cheek. “Tell me one more time?”

“I love you, daddy,” Nari repeats dutifully.

“I love you, honey,” Sehun replies, forcing himself not to shed any tears. “I love you so so much. I’ll always love you, remember that. Daddy will _always_ love you.”

“Okay, daddy. I remember,” Nari says.

Yoonji walks over, hands no longer clasped. “It’s time for us to go, Nari,” she says kindly. “Do you want to see a really cool house with really cool people inside?”

“Uh huh!” Nari nods eagerly, letting Yoonji hook her hands under her armpits to lift her out of Sehun’s arms. “Nice people! Nice Nari!”

“Yes!” Yoonji laughs along, sending Sehun a careful look as she secures Nari in her arms fully. Sehun understands and stays seated, hands folded in his lap. “My associate is just down the hall in his office. He’s agreed to keep an eye on you and get you anything you need. I’ll be back in three hours, alright?”

Sehun nods. “I understand.”

“I’ll see you soon, Sehun,” she says. “I wish this could've gone differently. Please know how sorry I am to separate the two of you.”

“You’re gonna be late, aren't you?” Sehun asks, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “You should probably get going.”

Yoonji nods, understanding, and she leaves the room shortly after that, nodding along and humming at Nari’s babbling chatter. Sehun listens to his sister’s voice for as long as he can before it fully fades away, Yoonji leaving the building and taking Nari with her. Her car is parked out back, and so Sehun can’t look out the window and watch them leave. Part of him thinks that might be for the best.

Before he can think twice about it, Sehun’s digging around in his pockets, taking out his shitty cellphone and praying that it didn't die in the chaos of the past day. He flips it open and breathes a sigh of relief when he sees a little bit of battery left. He has messages upon messages, missed calls piled as high as the ceiling, mostly from Jongin and Baekhyun, but several of them come from Jongdae and Junmyeon, even a few texts from an unknown number that identifies itself as Chanyeol. In their desperation, Jongin and Baekhyun must have given Chanyeol Sehun’s number, thinking he might answer an unknown number after hours of ignoring their calls and texts.

Sehun selects the contact, dials the number. He holds the phone to his ear, listening to it ring for only a few seconds before the line clicks, the receiver immediately answering.

“ _Everyone, shut up!_ ” he hears on the other side of the line, and Sehun can’t help but crack a smile at the clambering of sounds he hears in the background. “ _Sehun called me!_ ”

“Hey, Jongin,” Sehun greets weakly, resting his head against the wall.

“ _Sehun_ ,” Jongin says carefully. “ _Are you okay? What’s going on?_ ”

“I’m all alone,” Sehun says. “Irene’s parents came to get her. Yoonji took Nari away from me. They left me here alone.”

He hears Jongin inhale sharply. “ _Who’s Yoonji?_ ” he chooses to ask. “ _Is everything okay, Sehun?_ ”

“Can you come get me?” Sehun asks, ignoring Jongin’s questions. “I’m all along here and Yoonji said she had a home lined up for me, but I’m turning eighteen in a couple days, so they’ll just kick me out when that happens. I need…do you think your mom will let me crash with you?”

“ _Sehun,_ of course _you can crash here,_ ” Jongin replies, and Sehun hears the voices in the background get louder, Jongin shushing them harshly before continuing. “ _Do you know where you are? Can you send the address?_ ”

Sehun nods, then remembers that Jongin can’t see him. “Yeah,” he replies. “It’s across town though. It’s really close to college.”

“ _That’s okay, Sehun_ ,” Jongin says quickly. “ _We’ll come get you, everyone stayed at my house last night anyways, we’re all together. Is that okay? That we all come?_ ”

Sehun thinks about seeing Baekhyun again, and his throat closes up. “I…can it just be you and Jongdae? Can Junmyeon and…can it just be us three?”

Jongin’s quiet for awhile, and Sehun thinks of the awkward conversation he’s going to have to have with Baekhyun and Junmyeon when Sehun hangs up.

“ _That’s fine_ ,” Jongin says finally. “ _It’s not a problem, Sehun. Just…will you tell me what’s going on when we get you? Everyone’s been worried sick._ ”

Sehun closes his eyes, feeling tears build up in his eyes once again.

“Yeah,” Sehun answers. “I’ll tell you everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....DON'T KILL ME YALL
> 
> hopefully you noticed a significant change i've made to this story, and if you haven't, i'll just tell you. this story has been turned into a series! that means that a sequel is MAYBE in the works after this. it'll definitely be put on the backburner though, because i have an nct fic due for an update in the next few weeks, and i'd really like to get that finished before i work on a sequel for this story. nonetheless, let me know if you guys would be interested in getting a sequel! we're not quite finished yet, and your answer may change once we are, but for now, let me know.
> 
> as always, follow me on twitter @ suhyeols where i had a full on mental breakdown over jongdae having a DAUGHTER?! I HONEST TO GOD CRIED HE'S GOING TO BE SUCH A WONDERFUL FATHER! and make sure to leave me a comment with your thoughts on this chapter :) 
> 
> the end is near. i'll be back soon with the final chapter (which is insane to even type out)


	12. twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i only just finished writing this story and i'm still crying over this fact. please enjoy the last chapter :))
> 
> (trigger warnings for homophobic language and a brief, slightly graphic depiction of suicide)

chapter twelve.

Irene’s water breaks five days after the raid, on Sehun’s eighteenth birthday.

Sehun gets the call while he's out on a grocery run with Jongin, picking up the usual vegetables for Jongin’s mom and all the snacks the two of them can stomach while Sehun waits for news about Nari or his parents.

Over the phone, Irene’s cries of anguish chill Sehun to the bone, and he drops the bag of peppers he has in his hands, ignoring Jongin’s complaint as they splat onto the floor.

Jongin’s face turns grim when Sehun relays the message.

The entire drive to the hospital is a blur, buildings shape shifting into houses shapeshifting back into buildings, before Jongin pulls into the visitor’s lot and parks, and he and Sehun go running into the emergency room, flashes of that night coming back to Sehun, Irene’s blood splashing beneath her on the white tile floor as she struggles to stand, holding onto Sehun while his mother speaks calmly to the receptionist.

Jongin asks all the right questions, and he leads Sehun to the maternity wing, sitting him down in a waiting room chair and pulling his phone out of his pocket, calling all the appropriate people.

Jongdae and Junmyeon show up an hour later. Baekhyun isn't with them, and Sehun knows it’s because Jongin had to personally tell him to stay away. He can’t find it in himself to be that sad about it.

Sehun isn't sure how long he sits, staring at the wall in front of him before a nurse is touching his shoulder lightly, asking if he's the father. Sehun nods, launching up from his seat and ignoring how he feels dead on his feet, following the nurse to a room. She knocks on the door and lets herself in a moment later.

“Dad’s here,” she croons, all grins and giggles. Sehun walks into the room and immediately feels unwelcome. Irene’s mother is standing at Irene’s bedside, pushing sweaty hair off of Irene’s face. Her father is standing by the window, arms crossed with a seemingly permanent scowl on his face. There’s no baby in Irene’s arms, but there’s a bassinet in the corner of the room, and Sehun sees a mound of pink blanket bunched up inside.

“Would you like to go hold her?” the nurse asks. “Mom didn't want to, but you’re here and you have every right to.”

At the nurse words, Sehun can’t help but shoot Irene a look. Didn't want to? Sehun’s seen Irene through every milestone of this pregnancy. In what world would she not want to hold her daughter?

But then Sehun looks back over at Irene’s father and watches as her mother acts as a shield for Irene, blocking her view of the bassinet from the bed as she dabs at her daughter’s forehead with a washcloth.

Sehun approaches the bassinet slowly, as if walking too loud or too fast will somehow ruin the somewhat quiet serenity that’s taken over the room. When he reaches the bassinet, he looks down, and his heart melts. His daughter is swaddled in a thick pink blanket far too big for her, her cheeks and nose pink and her eyes closed as her little mouth hangs open while she sleeps.

“She’s being taken up to the newborn wing soon. We’ll let you know where she is in case you decide you want to take her home with you,” the nurse informs Sehun quietly. And he can’t even begin to unpack that.

“Can I go take her to meet my friends? They're all waiting for me,” Sehun replies quietly, hands itching to get a hold on his daughter.

The nurse nods, her smile widening. “Of course! She’s yours, you can do whatever you'd like,” she says warmly. 

Sehun leans down fully then, taking in his daughter’s new baby scent, and scoops his hands underneath her little body, picking her up and cradling her to his chest, like he did when his parents first brought Nari home. He carries her out to the hallway, blinking tears out of his eyes when Baekhyun, Jongdae and Junmyeon all leap to their feet from their waiting chairs.

“Sehun,” Jongin breathes as Sehun gets closer, hand coming up to his mouth.

“This is my daughter,” Sehun announces, and then he feels silly, presenting his baby like she's Simba from the Lion King.

“She’s cute,” Jongdae says quietly, supportive smile on his face. Junmyeon quickly nods in agreement, cheeks a little flushed.

Jongin bites his lip, eyes blown wide. “Can I hold her?” he asks shyly.

“Of course you can,” Sehun replies, laughing quietly, “that’s why I brought her out here.”

He hands his daughter off to Jongin, who holds her like the most precious piece of glass he's ever seen. Sehun melts at the sight, watching as Jongdae leans in closer, curious enough to get a better look, while Junmyeon continues to hover from a respectable distance.

Sehun steps away from the scene slightly, walking closer to the nurse, who stands waiting much farther away from the group, probably to be respectful as well. “I have some questions,” Sehun murmurs to the nurse, praying that none of his friends overhear. Jongin’s too busy cooing at the baby, so Sehun thinks he's in the clear.

The nurse nods, her face turning stoic. “Of course. I’m sure I have some answers for you.”

“Has Irene held the baby at all since she was born?” Sehun asks.

“She hasn’t,” the nurse replies, and Sehun is thankful for how regretful she sounds. Irene and their baby are her patients, not Sehun, but her willingness to express her thoughts on the subject are helping Sehun out a lot. “It…appeared to me that that wasn't what her father wanted. Once your daughter was born, we asked who wanted to cut the umbilical cord, and no one responded, so someone on our team did. Afterwards, we followed protocol and offered to lay your daughter on Irene’s chest, but she declined. She had been in the bassinet up until you picked her up.”

Sehun nods, his mind reeling. “You mentioned the newborn ward,” he starts, and the nurse nods diligently. “Is Irene not planning on taking her home with her?”

“It doesn't appear so,” the nurse whispers. “I’m not trying to speak on behalf of her or her parents, and I’m certainly not trying to break confidentiality, but as the father you are entitled to this information as well, so just know that I’m not breaking any protocol here. Typically when the family requests that the baby be sent to the newborn ward, it means they have no interest in bringing the baby home with them. I would have this conversation with Irene to double check, but it doesn't appear that she has any interest in bringing your daughter home with her.”

And Sehun knows that that’s a lie. Irene had operated under a false pretense that she wasn't sure what she wanted to do with the baby, but at the end of the day, she and Sehun had the plan. Irene would give birth and she and Sehun would continue to raise Nari while also raising their daughter, bringing them up as sisters most likely. Nari’s gone though, and Irene’s parents seem back in control of her life, so Sehun supposes it only makes sense that every other aspect of their plan changes as well.

“Okay,” Sehun says plainly. “Thank you for your help.”

The nurse nods once more, her face much more sympathetic. “Of course, and congratulations. Your daughter is absolutely gorgeous.”

“Thank you,” Sehun says, and the nurse walks away.

Sehun rejoins his friends and finds his daughter now passed over to Junmyeon, Jongdae waving a finger around in front of her face, trying to catch her attention. Her eyes slip closed instead, and Jongin laughs at his brother, getting punched in return for the teasing.

“Here,” Junmyeon says, “you should take her back.” He hands Sehun’s daughter back to him, shaking his arms out and crossing them afterwards.

Sehun cradles his daughter close again, then looks at his friends, his expression serious. 

“I’m not sure how much longer I’m gonna be here,” Sehun starts, and before Jongin can open his mouth, he keeps going, “and I don’t want you guys here just stating around waiting for me. I’ll text you if I need a ride home, but there’s a lot of stuff that needs to get sorted out here first.”

Jongin, to Sehun’s surprise, merely nods. “We get it,” he says quietly. “We’ll be at my house waiting, okay?”

“Okay,” Sehun replies. “Thank you guys for showing up. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course,” is Junmyeon’s reply, while Jongdae nods seriously behind him.

Sehun watches the three walk away, bracing himself for a potentially charged and draining conversation. Keeping his daughter close to him, he walks back over to Irene’s room, opening the door carefully with one hands, his other arm wrapped tight around his baby.

Entering the room gives Sehun an impending sense of dread. Irene’s parents are gone, and everything has been packed up or moved from the room. Irene’s the only thing left, and she’s sitting up in the bed, still wearing a hospital gown, but looking much more human than she appeared when Sehun walked in right after the birth of his daughter.

“We need to talk,” Irene says, voice only just above a whisper.

“Yeah,” Sehun croaks out.

He walks over to the bassinet, placing his daughter inside and smiling when she doesn't fuss or move.

“I—“ Irene starts.

“Why aren't you taking her home?” Sehun interrupts, finally letting himself feel the rage that’s been threatening to spill over since he watched his parents get carted off.

“You don't understand,” Irene says calmly, folding her hands in her lap. “You just don't get it, okay Sehun?”

Sehun scowls. “What don't I get? That you’re willing to just walk away from your baby without even talking to me about it? Without even _thinking_ about it?”

“I _did_ think about it!” Irene screams, her face turning red from the effort. “I thought about it every fucking day, ever since I peed on the stick and had to go traipsing out under the goddamn bleachers to find your low-life ass. _Everyday_. I woke up, thought about the baby, went back to sleep, woke up and did it all over again. It was _all I did_!”

“Irene—“

“Do you know how much I wanted to keep her?” Irene asks, tears pouring out of her eyes like a waterfall. “How much I still want to keep her? She’s _mine_. My flesh and blood. I don’t want to just abandon her!”

“Then why are you?” Sehun asks indignantly.

“Because—“ Irene cuts herself off and sighs deeply. “Because what good would that do? Would that bring everything back to normal? Would it get Nari back? Would it make you and I best friends forever raising a baby together? I’m sixteen! I can’t raise a child!”

Sehun frowns, looking down at the floor. “I can,” he says quietly. “I can do it.”

“No, you can’t,” Irene replies. Sehun hears the bed dip, and then Irene is standing in front of him, reaching out and grabbing onto his hands. Sehun grips her back tightly, part of him afraid of what might happen if he lets go. “I know you want to, and maybe you think you can, but you can’t. Not after everything. I think your mom and dad expected us to keep her, to just add her to the chaos already in that house. But we’re not there anymore. Your parents are gone, Sehun, so are Jinwoo and Nari. You can’t just keep our daughter with you because you’re lonely.”

Sehun can picture it perfectly: he and Irene holding their daughter, taking her to the park and playing with her, dropping her off on her first day of school, her little arms wrapped around Sehun’s leg, not wanting to let go. He can practically hear her laughter, her sweet giggles that sound so similar to Nari’s but are entirely different still, making her stand apart from her. Sehun sees Irene graduating high school, walking across the stage while Sehun balances their wiggly toddler on his knee, keeping her from bursting out during the day and ruining her mother’s moment. He fast forwards, and he sees Irene walking across a similar stage to collect her degree after four years of college, maybe three considering all the credit she must be earning in high school. Their daughter is there too, a little older, and she knows how to manage herself in crowds, so she's quiet beside Sehun and only cheers when her mother’s name is called.

Sehun sees it all, and it’s so easy for him too. Whether he would admit to himself or not, he was imagining all of this ever since Irene told him she was pregnant, ever since his first ultrasound with her, ever since he saw the baby on a monitor for the very first time. He pictured all of this, even more specifically when they discovered they were having a girl. Sehun wants it, and he can have it, his daughter is right there, sleeping peacefully beside him.

And yet…

“We would ruin her,” Sehun mumbles, a tear rolling down his cheek. “We would ruin any chance she’d have at a good life, wouldn't we?”

Irene nods. “She doesn't stand a chance with us,” she whispers. “We have no idea what we’re doing, and my parents don't support it. They’d probably throw me out on my ass again if I told them we were keeping her. Then what would we do?”

“I would've done anything for you,” Sehun says. “For you and for her. I’d work day and night to give you both what you wanted. Neither of you would ever need anything with me.”

Irene lets go of his hands then, wrapping her arms around Sehun and leaning her head onto his chest. Sehun brings a hand up to her hair, as he so often did in the past, and strokes his fingers through it, combing it off her neck and back and letting it settle all over again.

“I love you, Sehun,” Irene sighs. “You’re such a great friend, and you took me in when it was so difficult for you to, but you know that’s not true. You could barely afford to feed yourself, let alone me and Nari.”

“My parents were taking all my money,” Sehun negates.

“It wouldn't be enough,” Irene insists, and Sehun hates how right she is. “It would never have been enough. There’s always gonna be something, that’s how life works.”

Sehun huffs out a laugh, sardonic and a little mean. “You’re way too smart,” he says. “You know too much about everything, it’s annoying. I feel so dumb every time I talk to you.”

“Someone has to keep you on your toes,” Irene says, a little miffed.

They stand there, wrapped up in each other, and Sehun let’s himself look down at the bassinet again, at his beautiful daughter sleeping the day away, completely oblivious to the fact that she’ll never know her real parents. Recognizing that this will be the last time he sees his daughter, Sehun lets the moment sink in, studies every detail of her face that isn't hidden by her blanket.

“She’s really beautiful,” Sehun murmurs. “For a baby, anyway.”

“I know,” Irene replies. “When she was finally out it took everything in me not to have them lay her on my chest. I couldn't stop crying, my mom thought it was because of all the hormones. I’ve been so sad since she was born, but this is for the best. She’s gorgeous and perfect and she’s _ours_ , but she shouldn't stay with us.”

“Yeah,” Sehun says.

So they walk away, and it remains the hardest thing Sehun’s ever done.

-

Sehun never does get to graduate.

His parent never become available to have a meeting with his guidance counselor, and Jinwoo sure as hell doesn't reemerge from wherever he went to when he ran away (and part of Sehun thinks that he must have known, must have seen or heard something that gave him a clue as to what their parents were doing). Sehun’s eighteen and no longer a father, and so the entire point of getting a diploma seems worthless, so he drops out.

Jongin’s pissed, understandably so. April is coming to a close, and seniors only have two weeks left before lessons end. But Sehun’s far too behind to be able to do anything worthwhile, and graduating was a long shot for Sehun anyway, he has always known this.

Still, it doesn't make facing his guidance counselor any easier when he files the paperwork, stepping onto campus one last time to hand over the forms. He can’t even look her in the eye, and he know he’s disappointed her.

It definitely doesn't make it easier when Baekhyun decides that now’s the time that he’ll start reaching out to Sehun, sending him countless texts and leaving voicemail after voicemail until Sehun’s message box fills up on his phone. It happens entirely too fast, but the phone is cheap.

Jongin pressures Sehun into calling or texting Baekhyun back, to offer an explanation or to just hear him out, depending on how Baekhyun’s feeling about the entire thing. It’s Jongin that practically forces Sehun’s hands around his phone, making the motions for him to type out the sentence that changes everything.

_hey, will you meet me somewhere soon? you can pick the place and time._

Baekhyun decides to meet Sehun at Jongin’s house, driving over there the next day a few hours after Jongin’s left for school and his mother’s left for work. 

“Hey,” Baekhyun greets quietly. “Can I come in?”

Sehun’s never seen him look more nervous in his life, and a part of him feels terrible for what he’s about to do.

“No,” he replies firmly. “I don't really think that’s a good idea.”

Baekhyun balks, and Sehun can see him swallow. “But—“ he gulps, “I thought we were supposed to talk? I have a lot I wanna say.”

“So do I, and I think, with everything going on, I should talk and you should listen,” Sehun says, his tone unforgiving.

“Um,” Baekhyun looks even more nervous now, which Sehun previously thought would have been an impossibility. “O-okay.”

Sehun swallows back the lump in his throat. “We need to stop this,” he says, watching as Baekhyun’s eyes widen. “We’re not a good fit and it isn't working out. I appreciate you trying this with me, you've given me a lot of great experiences, but I think we should cut it off here.”

“You—“ Baekhyun’s wide eyes are tearful now.

“Look, you’re just not what I need right now, okay?” Sehun swears he can feel glass cutting into his throat, shards rubbing into his vocal cords. That has to be the explanation for why these words he's been rehearsing for days are having so much trouble getting out. “I just don't need this, need _you_ , in my life right now. I’m sorry if that hurts you, but it’s how I feel.”

Baekhyun scoffs then, his face turning nasty, just as Sehun feared would happen. “‘I’m sorry if that hurts you’? Why the fuck wouldn't that hurt, Sehun? What the hell are you trying to pull on me b-because it’s n-not funny and I’m r-really trying to talk to you right now so p-please just—“

“ _Everything’s gone_!” Sehun bellows, and he finds no satisfaction in the way Baekhyun flinches back from him. “Nari, Jinwoo, my parents, my daughter, even Irene. I dropped out of school, so my diploma’s gone, if I even had it at all. I don’t—“ he sighs, running a hand down his face. “I don’t have anything left.”

“I’m here!” Baekhyun replies.

“You’re not good enough,” Sehun spits out, the words dripping like acid off his tongue. They feel poisonous to say, and he can only imagine how it feels to hear them.

Baekhyun’s crying now, quietly, but the tears are there all the same. Sehun never pegged Baekhyun as a quiet crier, but then again, there’s a lot Sehun doesn't know about the people in his life.

“F-fuck you,” Baekhyun mutters. “I’ve been here through everything. I l-let you w-walk all over me in the beginning, let you p-play around with me until you f-figured out w-what you r-really wanted and I-I let you be my b-boyfriend once you did. I _love_ you, even w-with all the b-baggage, all the d-drama and the complicated shit in you life I l-love you.”

“Poor you,” Sehun sneers. “Poor fucking Baekhyun who got thrown on his ass for ‘cause he’s a fag. You don’t know _anything_. You don't know baggage, and you don't know complicated. You think because you took me on shitty little dates for a couple months that that makes you my boyfriend? You think it makes you something special? It doesn’t. You love me? I don’t fucking love you back.”

Red-faced, Baekhyun reaches up and wipes the tears off his cheeks, smearing his palms against his skin aggressively to get rid of all the evidence.

“Burn in hell, Sehun,” Baekhyun whispers. “Burn in _fucking_ hell, and don’t _ever_ speak to me again.”

“Like that’ll be a problem,” Sehun responds meanly.

Watching Baekhyun turn on his heel and walk away breaks Sehun’s heart, but it’s far too late, he’s said too much. Baekhyun won’t hear anything from Sehun again, even if Sehun wants him to (and he does want him to, oh so desperately). Watching Baekhyun walk away without going after him becomes the second hardest thing Sehun’s ever had to do.

Sehun pulls into the long driveway, his nerves clenching up in his stomach, curling in knots and tugging at his organs, tying them in one big bow. He feels like a wreck, parked outside the nicest house he’s ever had the privilege of stepping inside of. Taking deep breaths, Sehun eventually takes the keys out of the ignition, opening the door and stepping outside, stretching his legs that are sore from the long drive over.

Igniting the car lock and pocketing his keys, Sehun makes the trek remaining to get to the front door of the house. Soojin is already waiting outside, hands clasped nervously in front of her, a polite smile on her face.

“Hey,” Sehun greets, feeling just as nervous as Soojin looks. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been just fine. A bit busy, but it always gets like this this time of year,” Soojin replies, as if she hasn't already told Sehun all of this on the phone. “What about you? How’s work treating you these days?”

Sehun shrugs. His job is unimportant, just enough to pay the bills and allow Sehun to live a little bit of comfort, and both he and Soojin know that. “I think I’m up for a promotion soon,” Sehun chooses to say, hoping it will put him in good standing with the woman in front of him. Keeping her favor is a top priority, at least if he hopes to come back anytime soon.

As expected, Soojin’s face lights up. “Really? Wow, congratulations! You’re working hard, though, you deserve it.”

“Thank you,” Sehun responds, and then the conversation ends.

Soojin’s hand travels to the front door’s handle, twisting it slowly, as if she’s still thinking about the action as she's doing it. “Would you like to come inside?” she finally asks, biting her lip afterwards.

Sehun nods. “Please,” he says coolly, trying not to show his desperation.

Soojin nods, walking into the house and stepping aside to let him in. She closes the front door, but she hovers in the entryway, so Sehun lingers as well, knowing he shouldn’t just walk into her home without her implicit permission. Maybe one day they’ll grow comfortable enough for Sehun to just show up and walk to the back hallway, to the second bedroom on the right, but for now he stays in the entryway and waits for Soojin’s cue.

She wrings her hands, her eyes darting around the walls, stopping on family photos and cheesy quotes painted in dark ink to stand out. 

“What’s going on?” Sehun asks, his nerves coming back in full force.

Soojin shakes her head. “It’s nothing,” she insists, but Sehun doesn't buy it. “She just—“ she halts, sighing. “She had a bad day today,” Soojin says carefully. “School was really rough and she didn't really want to do anything when she got home. I’m sure she’ll still be excited to see you. Your visits always put her in a good mood.”

Sehun nods, not knowing entirely what to say. It frustrates him how little he know about what to say regarding these matters anymore, as if he’s lost all the memories he has of his time taking care of other people. He hates it.

“Oh!” Soojin startles suddenly, waving her hand in front of her face. “You can go ahead and go back. I’m sorry I didn't make that more clear. Take all the time you need, but just know that dinner will be ready within the hour. You know the drill.”

Sehun does know the drill, his feet carrying him back to the room he always goes to. When he gets there, he sees the door is open, and he knocks on the doorframe, startling the girl sitting on the bed, lying on her stomach with her feet kicking up behind her, textbook open in front of her.

“I heard you had a bad day at school, huh?” Sehun asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

From her bed, the girl nods, moving to sit up on her bed, back against the wall behind her and knees hugged up to her chest, chin resting on them. “Yeah,” she says quietly, “I don’t really know how to do math.”

Sehun laughs. “I didn’t either. Trust me, Nari, that won’t change.”

Nari cracks a smile—it’s small, but it’s there—and she takes her textbook, closing it shut and throwing it across the room to land on a chair piled high with clothes and stuffed animals. She scoots over on her bed, patting the space she's opened up beside her with her hand, and Sehun takes his cue and sits down, ignoring how weird he always feels sitting in a child’s bedroom, on a fuzzy pink comforter surrounded by pale purple walls with butterflies painted into them.

“How have you been doing?” Sehun asks. “Other than today’s bad day at school, that is.”

Nari shrugs, shifting again so that her legs are crossed. “Not a lot happening,” she says casually. “My best friend had her birthday party last week. It was beach themed, and everyone had to wear bathing suits. It was so gross.”

Sehun laughs, but then he's reminded of something painful. “A birthday, huh? Isn't yours coming up soon?” 

Nari nods. “A month and a half!”

As if he doesn't already know that. As if he doesn't already have the date circled in his calendar, a jar set aside that he's been putting some money into since her last birthday to make sure he can afford to get her more than a cheap stuffed bear he found at Walmart.

“Geez,” Sehun sighs, leaning his head against the wall. “Nine years old. Don’t you feel old?”

“Um, no,” Nari giggles, and as much as Sehun loves the sound, it rings painfully in his ears. “How old are you, like a hundred?”

Sehun fakes a dramatic gasp, eyes widening as he looks at Nari. “A hundred?” he asks incredulously, “I’m only twenty-three! That’s not old at all!”

“When’s your birthday?” Nari asks.

“Oh, not until April. It’s a long ways away,” Sehun replies.

Nari chews on her hip, her pretty, kind eyes suddenly getting cloudy. She looks nervous. “Do you think that I could maybe come and see you on your birthday?” she asks. “You always come see me for mine, but I never get to see you on yours. I didn't even know when it was. That’s not fair, right?”

Sehun smiles, and he hopes Nari is still too young to recognize how jaded it is. “You’re smart, you know? And very diplomatic, it’s nice.”

“So can I?” Nari asks again, undeterred by Sehun’s attempt at distracting her with compliments.

“I don’t know,” Sehun says as lightly as possible, knowing the real answer. “You’ll have to ask Soojin and Jaewon.”

Nari frowns, looking down at her comforter. “They’ll say no,” she grumbles. “They always say know when I ask if I can go and see you.”

Sehun knows this. He also knows that she's right, they would say no to Nari spending Sehun’s birthday with him, especially if the place they'll be celebrating is anywhere other than their house.

“You know, they just don’t want you in that part of town,” Sehun reminds his sister gently. “I already told you, it’s a bad place to be.”

“Yeah,” Nari agrees sullenly. “But last time you said you got a new apartment. Maybe it’s in a nicer area? And they won’t be so mean about me coming to visit you? I wanna see where you live! I wanna see you outside of my room!”

“You see me outside of your room all the time,” Sehun says.

Nari glares. “Yeah right,” she says, and the pout on her face makes Sehun smile, despite the circumstances. “One time you came along when we went to the park. _One time_.”

“Okay, okay,” Sehun relents. “I get it. You can always ask Soojin and Jaewon at dinner tonight. Or I can call Soojin soon and we can talk about it a little bit, is that okay?”

“Fine,” Nari groans, slouching against the wall.

They talk about meaningless things after that, Nari trying to get Sehun to offer up details about his life while Sehun gives her as little as possible and asks her questions that he knows will get her talking, questions about her friends and their new drama. Nari has a tendency to befriend the most dramatic people in elementary school that Sehun’s ever heard of, and some of their catastrophes amuse him to no end. Plus, it fills the time, and Sehun gets to hear Nari’s sweet voice without having to contribute much to the conversation at all.

Eventually though, Nari runs out of steam, and Sehun has been able to smell dinner from across the house for around ten minutes. He knows soon, Soojin will come bustling into the room with a regretful look on her face, ushering Sehun out in the most polite way possible. He knows to get out long before that happens, because the likelihood of Soojin letting Sehun come back sooner than last time will be slim if he overstays his welcome.

“I gotta get going,” Sehun says, finding solace in how disappointed Nari looks, “but I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay,” Nari agrees easily, but then her eyebrows draw together, a line forming between them. “But, can you not wait as long as you did from last time? I miss you a lot when you take awhile.”

Sehun smiles. Nari doesn't ever need to know that Sehun isn't entirely in control of when he comes to visit. Most of the planning is done on Soojin’s end, Sehun just relentlessly texts until Soojin’s willing to call him, usually at a time most inconvenient for him and delaying her next call for another week. He only gets lucky when Soojin calls him after dinner, when Sehun’s definitely at home, waiting by the phone and able to answer and talk about a visit.

“I’ll try to come back sooner. I promise.”

“Okay,” Nari repeats, smiling now.

Sehun leans over and kisses her forward, letting himself be filled with her warmth as she leans into it, then he gets up from the bed, looking down at Nari with a smile on his face. “Bye, Nari.”

“Bye, Sehun.”

Sehun sees himself out, briefly bidding Soojin a goodbye and thanking her for having him over, even though she barely spoke to him at all. Jaewon sits at the dining room table, newspaper folded in front of him, and he stares Sehun down the entire time without a word. Sehun leaves the house with an uncomfortable feeling in his chest, weighing him down and causing him to trudge across the driveway, kicking at the perfectly paved pathway.

He gets in the car, and his chest still aches, filled with the unexplainable disappointment of hearing Nari call him by his first name.

In the beginning, when Nari was first placed with Soojin and Jaewon, it was months before Sehun was able to visit, and by then, Nari was already in the habit of calling Soojin and Jaewon “mommy” and “daddy”. It was heartbreaking, teaching Nari his name and having her finally call him by it, rather than “daddy”. It still stings, hearing Nari’s voice call him by his real name, but he's her brother. He was never meant to be anything more than that.

After fostering Nari for six months, Soojin and Jaewon filed for adoption. By that point, Sehun and Nari’s parents had relinquished their parental rights, so Nari was up for grabs, and Soojin and Jaewon had such a nice home, so much money in their bank accounts, and such kind smiles, that any judge would have been a fool not to grant them the adoption.

Sehun had been allowed to go to the ceremony, but Soojin hadn't allowed him to have alone time with Nari. He got to wave and smile at her when Soojin carried her out of the courtroom, but that was it. 

Since then, Sehun’s seen Nari as often as Soojin will let him, which is never as often as Sehun would like. The visits have gotten less and less frequent as Nari gets older, and while Nari’s interest in seeing Sehun has only increased over time, Jaewon’s dissatisfaction with the entire situation has gotten worse, and whatever Jaewon wants, Soojin delivers on. Sehun won’t be surprised if, in a year or so, Soojin just stops answering Sehun’s texts at all.

He knows his days with Nari are numbered, they always have been. He reminds himself all the time that he's been lucky to get all this extra time in the first place, when he good and well knows that his real goodbye to Nari was at Yoonji’s office, cradling her tiny body close and leaving kisses along her hairline, trying to imprint a lasting memory into his younger sister, so she wouldn't be destined to forget him. She’ll forget him still, and Sehun knows that when his ties to Nari are officially cut, he’ll be a forgotten whisper at the back of her mind.

Still, he holds onto what he has for now. Makes memories he most certainly won’t forget, even if Nari will.

Pulling out of the driveway, Sehun pushes down the deep hurt in his chest. He doesn't get to feel this way, not anymore.

-

Sehun gets home and throws his keys on his dining room table, stepping out of his work boots. He’d tried his best to dress up for his visit to Nari, but these are the only shoes he owns that aren't falling apart at the seams.

Falling onto his couch, Sehun turns on his television and mindlessly watches a football game, a bottle of beer encased firmly into his hand. He’s mindful of the time, knowing he needs to be up early for work tomorrow morning.

His job in the mines is the exact kind of work he wanted to avoid as a teenager, but at twenty-three, Sehun knows better. There’s a lot he’s come to know in the past six years.

His parents were both sentenced to prison with little fuss. Sehun appeared at their trial, said his peace, and sat in the back for the rest of the day, watching his mother wall apart on the witness stand while his father held strong, walking around on crutches provided to him after he was forced to remove his fake leg, where he was apparently storing even more drugs. A short time into their sentences, served at different prisons, his mother suffered a nervous breakdown so catastrophic and violent that she’s spent the last five years in solitary confinement. She’s due for a parole hearing in five years, if she’s good. His father, on the other hand, killed himself six months in, found by a guard hanging from the ceiling of his cell, his bed sheets tied together and around his neck.

He hardly ever speaks to Jongin anymore, and if he does, it’s in short, stinted phone conversations that are so painfully awkward they always get cut off before they can talk about anything substantial. Still, Sehun knows that Jongin graduated from college with a degree in business, and that he’s been interning for a company that sells makeup. It’s so perfectly Jongin that Sehun almost laughed when Jongin revealed his job over the phone. He apparently also has a boyfriend, a sweet little chef named Kyungsoo who works at Outback and knows how to make the perfect steaks, if Sehun ever wants to join them for dinner. It was very early on that Sehun politely shut down the possibility of ever going to see them for any reason, and years later, Jongin’s stopped asking.

And if he barely talks to Jongin, he talks to Jongdae and Junmyeon even less, but through some substantial social media stalking, Sehun’s come to find out that they’re broken up. It seems to have been amicable, as Junmyeon shows up occasionally in Jongdae’s Instagram account, but what used to be anniversary photos of he and Junmyeon have turned into pictures of his daughter wearing bows that only seem to be getting bigger by the picture. Jongdae found a wife and had a beautiful daughter (that he gets to keep and call his own, Sehun notes bitterly) while Junmyeon moved up quickly in the professional world, and now seems to be contending for a managerial position at whatever finance company he now works for.

Irene graduated from high school with high honors and is going to an elite private college somewhere in the north. Sehun hasn't spoken to her since they signed their rights to their daughter away.

Sehun also found Chanyeol’s Instagram, where most of his posts are him loudly playing the guitar while a dog barks in the background, occasionally running across the screen and putting an adorably angry look on Chanyeol’s face. Sehun also knows that Chanyeol dated Baekhyun for a long time after Sehun broke things off between them.

Baekhyun was hard to track down, mostly because Sehun went back and forth between wanting to find him and wanting to keep him buried deep in his memory, blending in with everything bad that happened to him during his senior year of high school. Eventually, though, Sehun clicked on his Instagram profile, and he still isn't sure whether what he saw made him happy or sad.

After dating Chanyeol for years, the two split up, returning to best friends, still a constant presence on the other’s accounts. Baekhyun dated an artist named Yixing, a man that had huge dimples in his cheeks and always smiled extra big next to Baekhyun. He disappeared from Baekhyun’s feed months ago, and Sehun hasn't seen him since, all posts related to him deleted from Baekhyun’s account.

It’s hard, watching everyone’s lives carry on without him. Sehun quickly realized sometime after Jongin went off to college and Sehun, afraid of overstaying his welcome, moved out of Jongin’s mother’s house, that he had ruined every connection he made during his senior year. Irene stopped speaking to him the moment it wasn't necessary anymore, the bitterness between them over their daughter weighing down their relationship too much. Baekhyun was obviously gone, and with him Chanyeol, Junmyeon and Jongdae as his friends long before they were ever Sehun’s. Jongin held on for as long as he could, but as his schoolwork got more and more difficult, his texts became less and less frequent, and eventually Sehun became lucky if he heard from Jongin at all over a month.

People change, they grow and evolve and move on in their lives, but Sehun feels like he’s stuck in the past. Everyday is the same, he wakes up at ass o’clock in the morning, heads to the mines, nearly dies everyday during work inhaling charcoal and smoke and other unidentifiable, unregulated things, comes home, eats ramen and falls asleep before the sun stops setting, destined to repeat it all over again the next day. Sehun has three roommates that he never speaks to, all working similar dead-end jobs with no ladder to climb, stuck in an everyday monotony that’s inescapable. At least tomorrow’s grocery day.

If Sehun had known everything was going to turn out like this, he would've given up a lot younger than he did. He spent his teenage years so convinced he could go places, when he should've known all along that there is no place to go, not even up.

Sehun gets up from the couch when one of his roommates gets back from work, covered in dirt and grime from his job at a nearby factory plant. Sehun wants to avoid all conversation with him, so he leaves the couch available and goes to his room, grabbing his towel and shower caddy and stumbling into the bathroom. He showers quickly, scrubbing charcoal off his skin until its raw and pink, and he makes his way back to his room, shedding his towel and falling into his tiny bed naked, asleep within minutes.

He wakes up to his alarm early the next morning, steps into his work clothes, munches on an apple as his coffee brews, then pours it into a thermos and takes it with him to work. He spends hours mindlessly drilling and swinging an axe, uncovering layers upon layers of rocks and gravel on a ladder so shaky it might break any second.

He leaves the mines and parks in front of a grocery store, walks inside and winces at how he's tracking dirt onto the newly mopped floors. He takes out his list, scratched messily into a stray piece of notebook paper that was balled up in the pocket of his coveralls. He’s hauling a case of beer into his cart when it happens.

“Sehun?”

His head snaps to the side, at the source of the voice, a voice so familiar it sends shivers up Sehun’s spine, even now. Baekhyun stands at the edge of the aisle, wearing a nice pair of slacks and a light blue, long-sleeved collared shirt, tucked into his slacks and rolled up at the sleeves, and Sehun’s wearing a ratted hoodie with his dirtiest pair of overalls and a baseball cap turned backwards on his head. His face is clean, but only because he rinses it at the site’s hose before he leaves, and there’s a wavy smudge line on his neck where he stopped rinsing, his skin dirty from there down, including his hands.

It’s like seeing his past right before his eyes. In the face, Baekhyun doesn't look that much different, but he’s dressed so professionally and he holds himself so much taller, so much more confident than he ever did when Sehun knew him. It feels like a sign, seeing Baekhyun now, after all this time, when Sehun feels like nothing substantial will ever happen to him again.

“Baekhyun,” Sehun murmurs. “I missed you.” The words are out before Sehun can think about them, and he winces, knowing it must creep Baekhyun out to hear this, after everything they went through, everything Sehun said to him the last time they spoke.

But Baekhyun doesn't cringe or yell or even punch Sehun like he was only slightly expecting him to. He doesn't scream or cry or spit in his face.

Instead, he smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the end. i'm sorry if you think it's too sad or too boring or too rushed, but i tried my best to make this as true to the story and its message as possible. i hope you all learned something from reading this as i did writing it. 
> 
> this story started with me wanting to write a short little story about teen dad sehun struggling through high school while his cute college boyfriend baekhyun helps him. i originally wrote it into my outline very early on that sehun and irene would keep their baby (before i even knew it was going to be a girl, THAT'S how early i wrote this down) and that the story would end with sehun and baekhyun raising her. and then i started writing. the end result was something so completely different from my original plan, but i think this take is so much more realistic. it's a story of hardships and heartbreaks, of rough lives that don't seem to be getting any easier, of people struggling to make ends meet. it's a story of addiction and poverty and teen parenthood, and completely the opposite of what i originally wanted this to be.
> 
> yet, i couldn't be happier. i started outlining and writing this story back in january, during my winter break between semester, and i've just finished it, three days after my last day of my spring semester of my first year of college. with everything going on, this fic has been a lifesaver for me. i've broken through so many writer's blocks to crank this out and get the entire work published on here, gone through so many sleepless nights redoing my outlines as it became apparent how different the ending of this story was going to be compared to my original notes. i've lost sleep over this story, haven't eaten because of this story, cried over this story, nearly gone insane over this story, but i wouldn't change a thing. it gave me something to do during these dark and crazy times, and i hope reading it has been a similar experience for you all (minus the no sleeping or eating and crying, and i certainly hope no one's gone insane reading this). 
> 
> this was a monster for me to write and my longest piece of writing i've ever written to date. i'm still emotional just writing all of this out and overwhelmed thinking of what's next. the possibilities are endless. if i can finish this, what can't i do? 
> 
> thank you to everyone who decided to click on this story, even though it was unfinished and, for a period of time, wasn't being updated at all. thank you to any new readers who are just now deciding to read now that it's done--i don't blame you, it's what i do as well. thank you to everyone who bookmarked this story, who left kudos or commented your thoughts, you guys are what kept me going as i struggled through writing this.
> 
> that's really all i have left to say at this point. i feel like i poured my heart out onto this fic, and part of my feels a little gross about it. still, as always, follow me on twitter @ suhyeols where i cried about junmyeon's enlistment for a good hour, and leave me a comment down below with your thoughts on the final chapter.
> 
> i'll see you all again soon :))


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